Do you know about dialogue tags and action beats?

by compound complex 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  compound complex

  Greetings, fellow posters:

  Before I give my own answer to the above, kindly read this silly little mother/daughter scenario I came up with for the writing class I teach. It has to do with how to write more effectively.

  THANKS!

  ******************************************************

  “I can’t do this anymore,” Mary sighed wearily.

  “What can I do to help? Mother implored beseechingly.

  “I don’t know, I just don’t know,” Mary intoned breathlessly.

  “Well, I’m going to make you a cup of restoring tea,” Mother quipped reassuringly.

  *******************************************************

  “I can’t do this anymore,” said Mary. Weary from long hours at work and sleepless nights, she looked at the pile of laundry on the back porch floor and groaned. Detritus covered furniture and floor from days and days of inattention to the house’s general upkeep.

  “What can I do to help?” Mother asked. Knowing her daughter all too well, Margaret was careful, when visiting Mary, not to take charge and start cooking and cleaning unasked. She waited for her daughter to respond, keeping her habit to be a helicopter mom in check.

  “I don’t know, I just don’t know,” Mary replied. She welcomed Mother’s help, but shouldn’t she be able to run her household and career effortlessly? Maybe I should toss my pride aside and let her help, Mary thought to herself, knowing her eager mother would have the house all spic and span and dinner on the table in one hour. She waited . . . and waited. . . .

  “Well, I’m going to make you a cup of restoring tea,” Mother said.

  ****************************************************

  You finish the scene, if you like!
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  OUTLAW

  You finish the scene, if you like!.....CoCo

  “Well, I’m going to make you a cup of restoring tea,” Mother said.

  .
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  compound complex

  OUTLAW:

  Great, as usual! THANKS!

  Just thought of a real-life scene between Winston Churchill and Lady Astor (I think):

  "If you were my husband, I'd give you poison!"

  "If you were my wife, I'd drink it!"
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  OUTLAW

  LOL!!@Coco!!..

  Ya Churchill had a few good lines..

  .......
  
  

  
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  snowbird

  "While the water is heating up, I'm going to start on the dishes," Mother said.

  "Why don't you sort the laundry and get a load started. Then, we can sit and have a nice chat over a cup of lemon-ginger tea and decide which rooms to tackle next. How does that sound?"

  "Sounds wonderful," Mary said as she attacked the pile of laundry. "I will be out here putting things to right in the laundry room. Just holler if you need anything."

  "Oh, and Mother?"

  "Yes, Mary?"

  "Thanks - for everything."

  "You know you're welcome, child"

  ___________________________________________________________

  Sylvia
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  compound complex

  OUTLAW:
  Good one. Yeah, she'll still be ugly!

  *********************

  Sylvia:

  Excellent!

  Inexperienced writers think "he said," "she asked" become so boringly repetitive that they must tart up the dialogue tags with insane examples, such as I used in the first entry. Nix the adverbs.

  Example 2, and your fine writing, do more to show, rather than tell, what the characters are thinking and/or doing. The simple and recommended dialogue tags (said/asked) actually become "invisible," unhampered by overuse of "Tom Swifties":
  

  I need a pencil sharpener," said Tom bluntly.
  

  "Oops! There goes my hat!" said Tom off the top of his head.
  

  "I can no longer hear anything," said Tom deftly.
  

  "I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
  

  "This must be an aerobics class," Tom worked out.

  "I couldn't believe there were 527,986 bees in the swarm!" Tom recounted.

  "Don't you know my name?" asked Tom swiftly.
  

  "Your fly is undone," was Tom's zippy rejoinder.
  

  "I only have diamonds, clubs and spades," said Tom heartlessly.
  

  "Don't add too much water," said Tom with great concentration.
  

  "I wonder if there's a number between seven and nine," said Tom considerately.
  

  "I manufacture tabletops for shops," said Tom counter-productively.
  

  "It's not fair!" said Tom darkly.
  

  "I haven't had any tooth decay yet," said Tom precariously.

  
  
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  snowbird

  LOL @ Tom Swifties.

  Thanks.

  Sylvia
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  compound complex

  You're welcome, Syl!
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  LV101

  LOL at Outlaw, as usual.

  Mary, darling, "can't" means won't! No - not really -- I'd never say that but used that line before he/she became an adult. I've had it repeated back at me -- jokingly, of course.
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  nancy drew

  Mary knew that look of disapproval even as her mother tried to hide it with that Mona Lisa smile of hers. All around the room lay the remnants of a real human life not a house staged by the Property brothers. Let me make you a grilled cheese Mama said as she started washing a crusty frying pan that had taken up residence on the stove. Mary remembered those delicious grilled cheese sandwiches and thought better of the situation. After lunch they gathered up the dirty clothes, washed the dishes and then spent the rest of the afternoon sitting on the back porch with a cup of "restoring tea".