She has severe OCD, which means she worries a lot and needs reassuring a lot too. When i reassure her its usually fine but on big issues she needs reassurance of multiple people. It's kinda intense religion or no religion. I didnt want to bring that up but i guess it clears up some info.
Trying To Leave - Im Going Crazy
by pale.emperor 77 Replies latest jw experiences
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freddo
Get some professional medical help p.e. You mentioned that being dead might be a relief to you. That is a concern.
You are tied in to this weird family (even by jw standards) and you and your wife must break free and I reckon to move physically a fair way away is the best option.
How old is your little girl and what kind of work do you do? Is it a transferable skill if you move.
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Listener
What she did was bad but you forgave her, I think it is disgusting that the elders disfellowshipped her and subjected her to shunning. This must have been extremely hard for her to deal with and for you to watch.
You've got every reason to think little of the Elders, it seems all the trouble you have had to deal with has had an elder involved. -
steve2
Pale.emperor - man I am feeling quite sad for both you and your wife. As others here have said, your experiences in the organization are far more common that many JWs would ever care to acknowledge.
Your wife sounds so alone - has her JW elder father totally shunned her? At least she may begin to realize she doesn't need his previous over-involvement in the marriage.
Whatever you eventually decide to do, take it slow. You'll have opportunities to talk important issues through on this forum. You probably know there is a high likelihood your wife will find out you are posting here, right? Take care.
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Incognito
I keep receiving the impression that you and she don't really communicate, and maybe never have. I seem's that you're willing to outwardly appear to accept whatever indiscretions she does, but then internalize the situation without calling her out and discussing matters with her.
Did she actually ask to be forgiven or did you quickly forgive her so as not to need to discuss and deal with the problem?
Marriage involves a sacred trust which is freely given to each other when you married. She doesn't seem to understand that. She broke that trust long before she went to the hotel, first in reporting your private marriage matters to her parents, and then in sexting with another man. The actual sex with another man, was the ultimate trust breaking act. Although you don't want to hold the incident over her head, she should need to earn your trust again.She has severe OCD
And yet, her family and you, continue enabling this condition instead of helping her to obtain the help and support she requires. She needs professional help if she, or you, have any hope she will cope with the OCD so it is not always controlling her.
In support of fredo's prior comments, you also would benefit from counselling. Things will not change unless you're willing to allow change.
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Peony
Pale Emporer
What a sad story, I really feel for you. At the point you need love and support instead you get hassle. It's all too familiar I'm afraid. It's the lack of love that may wake your wife up. My husband and I dissociated last year, we couldn't take the lack of love and double standards. My Father in law elder criticised everyone too, he once said 'if there was one person I would love to have disfellowshipped it would have been*****' I couldn't believe it. I told him it was a terrible thing to say! It didn't stop him carrying on criticising though. That's when I knew I couldn't have a relationship with him anymore......too toxic. We started to see our life was ok and the only time we had problems was when JW's were involved. Hopefully they will carry on being a nightmare, your wife will soon want to leave (short term pain for long term gain) it's a really hard road but trust me it will be worth it.
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cha ching
Sorry to say it, PE, but.... Nazi is a good description... Would you put yourself in a Nazi concentration camp? Nope..... That is not life. Make choices that will improve your life, not make it worse... You only have so much of it left. -
zeb
Please.. book yourself a counsellor and take her along and let her 'daddy' wear that one. See your doctor and get a referral to a counsllor who has cult experience.
If I had neighbours as toxic as the bunch around you I would move.
If you stay with the jw what sort of life is destined for your little one?
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Heartsafire
Welcome to the forum. Your wife and baby are lucky to have you. Hope things get better for you both. Meanwhile, feel free to vent here:)
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berrygerry
I only woke up to TTATT within the last 2 years.
The first year is the greatest emotional rollercoaster ride possible.
You need to realize the harsh reality that WT / JW is A CULT - plain and simple.
I initially found that impossible - I thought it was only the elders here and the elders there. If only the CO knew or if only the branch knew or if only the GB knew. Not the way it is - cults are run from the top down, and that includes the elders.
Why then do people stay? Read this post, and the link to the full page at the top.
https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/41bdge/why_i_am_going_back/cz13u7iThe mental and emotional damage takes its toll.
Read through the effects that you and we are experiencing / have experienced.
http://www.exitingthejwcult.com/p/if-you-are-going-to-see-mental-health.html
That page is written by a psychotherapist who is probably one of the most qualified persons to write about this group and the effects on its followers.
Bonnie's book is a MUST-READ for all fading, doubting, and ex-JW's. (Kindle available.)
http://www.amazon.com/EXiting-JW-Cult-Handbook-Witnesses/dp/1508477132
YOU CANNOT (at this point) TRUST YOUR WIFE.
PLEASE LISTEN TO THIS.
You do not need to treat her as an enemy, or stop showing her love (actually, start showing her more) but the cult-influence is all-powerful.
Please stick around. You have a lot going on, and a lot more to deal with.Stick around - I'll add my two cents (don't know what Brits' expression is) in further posts.