Waking up can be a scary time

by Leopold theseconed 25 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Leopold theseconed

  As a person that has recently come to terms with the reality that the truth is not really the truth

  does anyone else remember the feeling when they realized things were just not true. It’s wierd all the years I spent preaching I never really considered what it must have felt like to have two people at your door trying to convince you that your religion of birth was a lie. I just was always under the impression that they should be so relieved to find out the truth.

  Now that I have come to grips with this reality frankly it’s a punch in the gut. Part of me is feeling how stupid could I have been all these years. Part of me is ashamed and feel like I need to make amends for the damage I may have done.

  I can tell you this looking back I can get a better understanding of how people must feel both inside and outside the organization. I mean there is a lot of hurting JWs. You can just see everyone is just worn out and hanging on for dear life and the thought it was all for nothing all the bad you have done like shunning ones.

  I will never shun another person. The whole thing is frankly just so bizarre I can hardly settle down.

  I have been listening to coverts podcasts and they are helpful. I am grateful for the friendships I am slowly developing on line with some great people. I have some bridges to rebuild to some real great “worldly” people that always treated me right but could always never pinpoint this wierd side of me. I wanted to be part of the group but you know they were bad lol.

  I remember when I lived in Ottawa. There use to be a apostate that would stand outside the hall with a pitch fork and wierd clothing with a sign with the date of Armageddon on it that he would change every week because of course nothing happened. That was my idea of a apostate. I had no idea there was loving kind concerning people out here being ostracized as they are. That’s how shielded I alowed myself and my family I be. I thought I was doing the right thing. Religion in my opinion has done so much harm to people in general I feel.

  I am not sure how my future is going to turn out but I am not afraid anymore of not being worthy of making it into the new world. If it happens they will have to take me as I am because I can’t play this game in good conscious anymore.
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  days of future passed

  Waking up is like finding that the world you believed was flat, was really round. A lot of thoughts about your life - missed opportunities, what ifs.... and most importantly, what will you do now?.....

  It's different for everyone. It may take months or years to really get your head around it. Hope your journey brings you happiness, sooner rather than later.
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  cleanideas

  It was rough for me. So much anger to start off with, followed by the realization that I was actually going to die one day. It was horrible, but many years later and being able to taste freedom for such a long time I've come to terms with much of it. I think it's something we will all carry with us for the rest of our lives, but in time you think about it less and less and move on with the good things you can make for yourself in the here and now.
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  ohnightdivine

  Waking up to the truth about the truth is hard to explain for me. I think it has to be some story of a fantasy movie. But the thing is, the results linger.

  Welcome to the forum.
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  Gorbatchov

  Yes, of was very scary time.

  G.
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  stuckinarut2

  Nice thread Leopold!

  Yes, it is indeed earth shattering to face the reality that we were wrong . That the belief system we took to be "Truth" was no more real than any other religious group out there.

  We now know how odd it is that we ALONE thought we had the Truth, and everyone else was wrong...

  Yes, "The Truth about The Truth" is confronting, and also very LIBERATING.

  Now we can allow ourselves to let go of the FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt) that held us captives, and we can reclaim our lives.

  We are the youngest we will ever be at this moment - so live life, be a good person , and dont let a religious group hold you captive any more.
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  Tameria2001

  I remember waking up, and the feeling that went with it. I remember having a whole lot of questions, and I did find some wonderful people who answered them all. At first, there was quite a bit of fear of losing my family, who would eventually shun me, and their reactions, which were not very nice. But it was also the very first time that I was able to forgive myself for things that I was damming myself over, nothing serious, just minor little things that I just could never let go of. Once I came to the realization that the Watchtower was nothing but false teaching, it was like a ten-ton weight came off my shoulders. When a person finally realizes that the Watchtower's "Armageddon" will never happen, it does wonders for one's mental well being.
  
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  scruffmcbuff

  My awakeing was my judicial comittee i believed the elders where guided by god when they "prayfully considered" things and when i heard them spout lies about me i knew it was not the case right there and then. For me i didnt feel much other then anger. And if im being honest, Violent.
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  smiddy3

  Now that I have come to grips with this reality frankly it’s a punch in the gut. Part of me is feeling how stupid could I have been all these years. Part of me is ashamed and feel like I need to make amends for the damage I may have done.

  I can relate to those sentiments as I feel much the same way and partly that is why I am here hoping that my contributions can help wake up a lurker or help heal a newbie in some way.

  And i have been out since around 1993.

  there are many good people here who know a lot about everything .

  Welcome and take care ,as they say time heals everything sooner or later .
  
  
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  Ficklemagpie

  It's devastating my whole world fell apart, I grieved for 18month went through the disbelief, anger, crying for months, then accepting I was conned and lied to which led to me thinking how could I have been so stupid. Unfortunately I indoctrinated my 2sons one of whom is an Elder which I cry about many times. I just left 4yr ago and still trying to find my place in the world, but I'm happier now than I was 4yr ago thankfully.