Any former elders brains I could pick?

by BarelyThere 56 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  talesin

  You have not mentioned kids, so if there are none, well, you tried to work on it. I hear your frustration, and also a certain amount of naivete. Yes, you were rushed into a bad choice at 19. You made choices that had dire consequences.

  What happened then? It's called 'arrested development'. You need some time on your own, to discover who you are. To learn how to use logic and reason, instead of ruling with your emotions. Take a deep breath, put the single brother on hold (SERIOUSLY? don't even go there - from the frying pan directly into the fire - smh, you have a lot to learn).

  Do some reading here, elsewhere, listen to music, read a book, clear your head. Then, begin to think through the rest of your life.
• 

  TheListener

  I'm really sorry about everything you and your ex have went through. The witnesses have waaay too many young marriages that either end badly, as yours did, or last a long time with unhappy mates.

  I for one am glad you ended the marriage before it dragged on too long. Although you could have chosen a different method. At least you are both free.

  In my experience expect a year before reinstatement. I think marrying the other guy is not a good idea. Not because of reinstatement issues but because of your emotional state. Be by yourself for awhile and experience life, learn more about what you really believe and only then can you be the kind of mate to someone that you want them to be for you. Never marry for sex.
• 

  talesin

  Sorry, I was just reading threads, and realized after posting, you were looking for help from former/current elders. I'll leave the comment, and also. TheListener - you remind me of my one support on the JC (RIP Georgie, killed by the drink at a young age). He was kind and wise, but came from a powerful JW family, had zero say in any decisions, and could not escape his heritage of money and elderhood. He finally "Left Las Vegaa". That is good advice, and the young woman (girl) that I was back then, sends you a warm thank you! Wish I had that kind of support many years ago. xx tal PS. okay, my eyes are moistening, ahem ! enough of that. To the OP, things will work out, you've done well, just breathe! xx
• 

  smiddy

  Is anybody here giving any thought to the poor bastard (brother ) she cheated on in her marriage ?

  I can only imagine what he was/is going through

  How would you feel if your marriage partner cheated on you so early in your marriage ? Low self esteem , alcohol dependency , drug abuse , suicidal tendency`s ,the glares and Judgemental attitudes of the witnesses in your congregation , the avoidance some give you , and the rest who just do not know what to say to you so they avoid you .?

  Think about the brother who was wronged

  My son went through this crap ,and my wife and I went through years of agony trying to get him through this betrayal ,his wife slept with his "best friend" , and you know what? the Elders , Co`s ,J.W.`s in his congregation were useless as far as my son was concerned and equally so with my wife and myself , that was the final nail in the coffin , they have no idea how to deal with problems.

  They think the Bible gives them knowledge of everything , when in fact it gives them nothing .

  smiddy

  `
• 

  shadow

  Maybe he was a bastard. Maybe she was a bitch. Nobody here knows. Either way should divorce before finding someone new
• 

  shadow

  Of course, that's water under the bridge now. Most posters just answering questions without making any moral judgments but too messy for me
• 

  talesin

  smiddy, I do think of him, and yes, I hear you. I am taking the OP at her word, though. Her family (first) gave her no advice, help, and trust me, I know exactly how that feels at her age. It's hard to explain, if you were a good little JW gurl like me. "Don't come home to us for help - we will always take your husband's side. YOU are the difficult one". Oh, yes, even though he was worldly. You may have no idea how it can be, how cruel (or you may *smile*). She also says this,

  Now, I didn't conspire to "put away my mate." I was unhappy and worked on my marriage and got nothing in return. I regret that I have to say that I had an affair but I turned my time and attention to someone else.

  I think that it's a bad choice in RL (real life),but in the cult, sometimes cheating is the only way to get out of a very bad marriage (even when you are being beaten black and blue, let alone 'just being unhappy and dreading the rest of your life'. And if the OP did it before kids were involved, I say, 'you made the best choice you had at the time ... now, don't f*ck it up and compound the error of choosing to be a JW again".
  
  To husband, I say, if you are reading, you can be part of the forum. We will support you as well. Perhaps you can learn TTATT and the two of you can heal whatever wounds have been created. I'm sorry for your pain - it's not your fault, that lies squarely on the Organization. xx tal

  PS: Shadow - spot on to both comments. xx
• 

  TheListener

  I gave up judging others when I realized I wasn't walking in their shoes. Someone cheated, a marriage ended, ok let's move forward and help where and when we can. Frankly, I don't think anyone came out ahead in this situation.

  Disfellowshipping is an inhumane action.
• 

  talesin

  I think those are two great topics, and lessons we all need to learn when exiting the cult.

  
  
• 

  goingthruthemotions

  here's my usual response, i hate this cult....the worse mistake i ever made.

  it's so sad you have to play this game to have your family.

  it's a captive organization, while your out read C.OC. and watch youtube videos like, mike and kim,

  good luck