confused with nowhere to turn

by Rebecca 32 Replies latest social relationships

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  LongHairGal

  BECKY:

  I’m sorry you had the misfortune to fall for a JW man while he was in a state of being ‘out’ of the religion.

  The Witnesses are a high control group that use emotional blackmail and shunning by family members as a weapon.

  This man wants to be accepted by his family and people in the congregation. The only way for him to achieve this is to go back..Where do you fit in here? You don’t unless you join (yikes).

  Please read through the poster CARLA’s comment above. This is what they are all about. Forget this guy and get on with your life.

  This is a new hazard and something else people in the dating world have to look out for:.ex-cult members!..It is a dangerous trap to get involved with these people!
• 

  MightyV8

  Here is what you do.....

  
  
• 

  Black Sheep

  You have had a lucky escape. He is damaged goods and you are better off without him in your life.
  
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  The Bethelite

  I send you a PM look at the green box at the top of the page.

  Keith
• 

  Steel

  Seriously lady.

  This guy looks like bad news from both a religious and non religious angle. Move on.
• 

  stan livedeath

  He is returning to jehovah because his mother is very sick ?

  I wonder if she has money ?
• 

  goingthruthemotions

  I agree with sir82...some of the posts created by new posters seem like JW trolls. so it would not suprise me that this is one as well.

  when i read everyones advice, it is given in a geniune manner by genuine people. and to think that this is a possible troll irks me sometimes.

  i just hope whom ever posted it, takes the advice to heart and isn't trolling.
• 

  Simon

  Yawn, this "you're a troll" nonsense is old and boring. You're not clever doing it.

  A quick summary: if someone is a troll, then having people blow up about trolls would be exactly what they want. Well done, if they are, they played you.

  What if they are not? You're being really unkind.

  It really doesn't matter if they are or not, because you can respond to the post in a sympathetic manner with some empathy because on the off-chance that it is a troll, there is inevitably someone else reading going through the same situation who isn't and might benefit from the kindly advice. So it really doesn't matter.

  What does a troll gain from telling a realistic story other than eliciting realistic responses? Do you even know what a troll *is*? 'cause that isn't "trolling".

  Rebecca: it sounds like you had the misfortune to run into someone who may be fundamentally nice and decent and have potential to be a good partner but who's world-view is forever warped by carrying around the baggage of a JW upbringing that, even when they screwed up and broke the rules, they never bothered to figure out it was all baloney. The belief system makes them make bad live-choices which hurt you. Unless there are signs that they are waking up to the reality of it (and the signs are very much the opposite, that they are not) then I would run and while you might not consider yourself fortunate, you probably should. Your future would be more pain, for you and your children, if you get sucked into it.

  I sincerely hope life brings you more joy in future.
• 

  Rebecca

  I've gotten a lot of helpful information on this board. I'm not sure what a troll is but I can assure you all I'm a real person, this is a real situation and it's happening to me right now!

  I've been checking back frequently to read the new posts and I thank you all. I did receive a phone call from him today which floored me. He told me this on his drive back home from bible study (which he had asked me to go and of course I said no). He said how he is so confused and lost. How he has all these thoughts running through his mind. How he wants to just do "the right thing". The statements that came at me like a lightning bolt were:

  "What if the way I was raised is wrong?" and "what if the way I was raised f***ed me up in the head?"

  To hear him say those words out loud, i felt there is a ray of hope for him. That he may be able to figure it out and realize how wrong it is for him to go back.

  To be clear, our relationship is over but I still care deeply for him and want him to be happy. I think we could still be friends, I expressed to him that he is not alone and I will be here for him as a friend if he needs someone to talk to. I have spent the last couple of days studying and reading everything I can on JW's history and beliefs. I cannot blame him for this, it's not his fault how he was raised and what he was taught. He is a good person and i hope and pray that he will see it for what it really is.

  Thanks again to everyone for helping me.

  Becky
  
• 

  LongHairGal

  BECKY:

  So, you got a phone call and it tugged at your heart and you think there might be hope....?

  I disagree about being ‘friends’ with an unsuitable guy if I am attracted to him. It’s harmful emotionally. Best to cut off contact.

  Just to inform you:..the ratio of women to men in the JW religion is high and there are many attractive unattached women there...Because of this, JW men (some who have nothing going for them) are notorious for LEADING women on!

  I know of cases where Witness men active in the religion strung women along for years!..These JW women who wasted their time..never got married - to anybody.

  I would strongly URGE you to date other men or at least start looking - and make sure you ask if they are involved in any fundamentalist type religion.

  I just don’t have confidence in the situation you have described. It sounds like you’re stepping in quicksand.