Building Trust (page 2)

blondie

Most of you are nicer than I am. I have been betrayed by so many of the people close to me, that I reserve my right to let people only so close until I have time to see if their actions match their words.

Blondie

Nosferatu

I have an incredibly difficult time trusting people in the beginning. I've been burned quite a bit because of my generousity, and people have abused it. I keep my guards up most of the time.

I judge character quite a bit, but usually I end up with good people. However, if something about a person really turns me off, they get no trust. I've realized that I'm the only person that I can truly trust.

I will also test a person's trust. If they screw up, they're out of my life. I have zero tolerance for people I cannot fully trust.

tinkerbell82

i'd say i probably trust people way more than i should. it's just hard for me not to assume that everyone has good intentions all of the time, i guess.

talesin

maverick,

I fully agree with your way of giving trust first, until it is proven otherwise. It took me a while to get there - I first had to learn to trust myself. What do you think? Is that how it was for you? I, too, trust my 'gut'. However, I don't have millions of $$$, so I can't afford to let people in and test them when my 'gut' says no.

{{{{nosferatu}}}}

sounds like you are still hurting. Trust your 'gut' sweetie, and you will be amazed by the new friends you will have! Testing people is a good way to know, but sometimes it can hurt those who you (potentially) could trust the most. You'll figure it out, just keep healing and learning. xoxo You will get there!!

tal

ps. to maverick - maybe sex keeps coming into things cause you are so appealing and people just can't help themselves for wanting you!!!

Maverick

Talesin, naughty/naughty! As with all things worth having, you have to be willing to put yourself at risk. Love, trust, loyalty...all of these are worth more than mere money. But they come at a price. And many have a hard time paying that price. We each know what we can afford. I have found the truly gentle and soft hearted ones are the most cautious. They feel too deeply, a noble strength, that makes them suffer if they are wrong! Some are young and have not been abused enough to see how valuable having anothers trust truly is. To be trusting, and to be worthy of the trust of another are two totally different circumstances. I value highly those who trust me. This is a great gift, one not lightly taken. To betray that trust would be a shame I shudder to think of, or fall victim too. The trust of children, friends, family and clients will save you when the banks fail and gold rusts! Maverick

Sassy

Trust is something I have had issues with this past year. I have been through a lot in my adult life and yet I always forgave and tried to forget and kept a positive attitude. What I did was put myself in a spot for more abuse and damage to my spirit inside. I took a licking and kept on ticking. Then this past year a relationship I was in was the straw that broke the camels back to my giving trust to others. How I was used and abused and how the cong handled the issue opened my eyes to my stupidity in just trusting in people as well as cause doubts to my spiritual trust as well. Unfortunately, someone new coming into my life, i.e, the relationship I am in now, found a different person that I have been in the past. One who just does not give out trust right away. It wasn't his fault but the baggage and scars I know have and faced due to those who hurt me. So I just couldn't give him trust fast. Slowly however, the foundation to feel safe to give him that trust has happened. It has been scary though. It kind of scares me that if someone good had not came into my life for a long time, it could be I might have built walls up so high that maybe I might never have allowed them to come down.

xenawarrior

I used to trust people alot more than I do now. I've been burned too many times by that and I guess I'm cautious-sometimes overly so. Funny too- a couple of the folks who kept telling me that my trust issues didn't apply with them because they'd never betray that trust are the very ones who ended up doing JUST THAT. Which just adds more to it. Kinda sucks, ya know? So I guess I'm becoming more jaded in that area in an effort to protect myself.

The one place that I don't have trust issues is with my daughter. I've talked to her alot about trust along the way and she's 15 now and she's doing fine. She's learned to tell me the truth, even when she knows it means there may be consequences to follow. She also has a friend who deals with a lack of trust coming from her mother, warranted only by the mistakes her mother made when she was young that she doesn't want her daughter to make now. That is a healthy fear that I think we all have in some ways but in this case, she's destroying her relationship with her daughter by not trusting her until given a valid reason for it. This is my daughter's best friend and she sees the pain her friend goes through not being trusted and how the girl feels about her mother. I can see it too and it makes me quite sad. There may come a time when the girl simply says- "Hell, I might as well do this or that- she thinks I am anyway" and her mother's self fulfilling prophecy is then realized. Sad.

Good thread Maverick !!

XW

Can I borrow your truck too ?

frenchbabyface

First I let my instinct talk (most of the time I trust at least people just can't be totally bad)
Then I let things going and doing their way, sometimes I give a hand in a way or an other : tests and see for myself futher to further. I can even give a second or third chance ... but then it just can't work anymore

Maverick

Everyones life experiences and temperament will color their ability to trust. This includes trusting themselves as well. I do believe we need to be true to our own nature. To do that we need to know what that nature is. This takes time and trials of life to learn who WE are. Each of us has our limits. And many just can't put themselve in a position to be hurt anymore. I consider myself a bit of an adventerous sort. I like to go for it. I get smacked around sometimes but the rewards when I'm right are greater than the pain when I'm wrong. And even then I learn something from it and I'm a better person for it. There is no right or wrong way to look at trust. It occupies different places on peoples hierarchy of values.

Frenchy...you know you can trust me! Maverick

Building Trust

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