What does it mean to belong?

by jgnat 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  jgnat

  One of our "new ones" inspired these questions. Many of you talk about a feeling of isolation, of not "belonging", both while you were part of the society, and, of course, when you left. Though I never felt rejection by the WTS, as a natural introvert, I have struggled at times to become a part of the group I am with. It got me to thinking,

  • Is "belonging" simply a feeling, or something that can be measured?
  • Is "belonging" something we can feel inside, regardless of our circumstances, or can we tell by how others treat us?
  • What are some signs or signals we get from from others that would show that we belong?

  I zippy search on "belonging" brought up an interesting looking book, "The Search to Belong" by Joseph R. Meyers. Here is a sample chapter.

  http://www.languageofbelonging.com/samplechapter.htm

  So what do you think? Do you have any control over the feeling of not belonging? Is there anything you can do by yourself to overcome those feelings? What responsibility does the group have to help you feel that you belong?
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  Maverick

  This is a good question jgnat. To feel comfortable or excepted by others in a given group or class. In many setting I do not feel that way. And I get the impression many on the JWD feel the same. But I wonder if sometimes I project that feeling and transfer it onto a group when it is not really the case. In my job I feel totally at ease. I set the standard, so in my mind, do "they" belong in my group! Again it is internal. In Mensa, I hold my own. In the company of my clients I hold back, I see myself as the hired help and take no liberties. Even here I am a newbie and learn stuff everyday. Because I travel and live in the clients homes I am in settings all the time where I am the outsider. The other trades men look at me with suspicion. I have learned to hold back and let my work speak for me. It always works and by the time I leave a project I am treated as an accepted member of the work force.

  At my last High School reunion some of the alumnus were still trying to impress people they hadn't seen in thirty years...why?

  In conclusion, to belong seems to be a state of mind, no one can let you in or out except you! Maverick
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  jgnat

  I believe you are partially right, Maverick, though there are definite signs a group can give out that can make a person feel excluded. Belonging did not come naturally to me, but I learned to pay attention to others' overtures of friendship, and respond more positively.

  A common mistake teens make, is that there is only one "in" crowd at school. There are all kinds of groups and cliques at school, and sometimes all it takes is a little snooping around to find a group that a unique kid can feel a part of. My son hit it off with the Magic Card crowd. I went to one of their gatherings, and nearly collapsed in a fit of giggles when I spotted... a group of Magic Card groupies! There are girls who like to hang out with geeks, apparently.

  I admire folks who do not have the burning desire (as I do) to be accepted by everybody. They brush off nasty encounters as not being worth their time. I usually go the extra mile. Sometimes I have been burned, other times, I have made a new friend. I am learning it is OK to put some people on my "don't bother" list.

  When I am in a large social gathering for the first time, and those old feelings of loneliness and isolation rear up, I tuck those feelings in and case the room. There are always people like me in the corners of the room, sitting alone. I go over and start a conversation.
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  frenchbabyface

  good question ... to me it's just a feeling (in every matter - some are perceptible - others are not)
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  Frannie Banannie

  HOOOOOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEE, jgnat! That's deep! I think my brain's imploding from that query...

  Frannie B (of the fluffy class)
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  Gopher

  To whom do you belong?

  Which God will you obey?

  For one is false and one is true,

  so make your choice it's up to you!

  Shall Caesar of this world...

  claim your allegiance still?

  Or will you obey the true God today

  and vow to do his will?
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  jgnat

  I think community can accept or reject us by little things. We all need touch, connection, with others. If we are not touched, talked to, we feel rejected.

  frenchbabyface - it is flattery to call my interrogation a question - I think I asked 5 or 6 questions! If "belonging" is simply a feeling, are we in control of it?

  frannie - implosion is not so bad. At least your brain matter won't mess my carpet!

  gopher - let me guess - that poem is an example of familial love?... so they can put off their rejection on Jehovah, huh? ...nothing personal!!!
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  Lady Lee

  well dayum look who just became an empress
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  jgnat

  Why, thank you Lady Lee, for noticing my begging and pleading to be noticed! Empress, really? I thought that was 3000....
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  Lady Lee

  not according to the emporer title under your name hon