by jgnat 17 Replies latest jw friends
jgnat -- that was a verse from one of the JW Kingdumb songs, "To Whom do you Belong?" It shows the JW view that if you aren't in absolute subservience to the organization, then you belong to Satan and this world. (Meant to elicit a groan from those who sang that song at JW meetings.)
Anyone who wants to have a sense of "Belonging" in this world is labelled as "worldly" by the J-dubs.
Aha! Gopher. My lack of JW roots is showing. I forgot. Belonging is a one-way street in JW-land. Members strive towards perfection, to maintain their standing.
hmmm. Belonging in relationships, in communities, is a two-way street, is it not? What does the WTS do for its members to help them feel like they belong?
once you 'belong' to yourself, you start to fit in everywhere. IMHO
tal
Good point, Talesin. And you are right. People who are self-contained and self-confident tend to attract others to themselves.
There is some responsibility the community has to take, though. I keep going back to thoughts Jean Vanier expressed in his book, Becoming Human. There are unlovely, unloveable people in our society who are shunted aside. Consider the mentally handicapped, the mentally ill. They suffer immensely from lack of human contact. http://www.wcr.ab.ca/news/2003/0714/vanier071403.shtml
I don't know if I'd characterize it as a responsibility of others... but one way that humans feel as if they belong is if they feel the freedom to make mistakes without rejection or punishment.
Love doesn't stop just because you make a mistake, and we do not deserve to be punished.
When we really start to get that feeling, that's when we feel as if we belong somewhere. I never felt that way in my home growing up, and that's why I never got homesick when I left on trips - they were all just another place.
I wonder what your parents did, Phantom, to make you feel so bad? My parents punished, too, but once I took my lumps, all was forgiven. Did your parents make you feel that you should NEVER make a mistake? Did they find a way to help you make restitution?
My dad was OK in his way, but my mom was (and is) very conditional in her "love" and affection - the witnesses have fed this tendency, but she had it already. Also, psychologically speaking, there's a strong narcissitic streak, and fear of being out of control. So doing things right was a way to keep her linear, not freaking out and yelling and crying, not punishing, and not making our lives as somehow a reflection on her. We walked on eggshells so her freakouts weren't our fault.
I suspect that much of the "rod"-based "discipline" that we experienced as kids would qualify as child abuse today. All I can say is, if you don't believe in levitation, you've never hit a six-year-old across the back of the legs with a Hot Wheels track - but I digress.
Our relationship is better now than it has ever been... but it's not "normal". I can't get the kind of support from my mom that I now understand is typical with most parent-child relationships... and I never will. Talking to her is wearing. I am fortunate to avoid the worst of the nuclear-powered shunning that many here receive - perhaps since we almost never talk about religion.
PS. This really upsets me to hear the crap you were put through. By family no less! I was in a accident and treated bad by school kids, but at home I was safe and felt loved. But my parents were not duds. My Mom remarried a great guy. My natural father was raised a dud and my grandmama was a dud till she died at 96! My Mom hated her and raised us without any religious affliliation. My step dad hated to punish us, you could see it his eyes. I knew he cared and never held his spankings against him. It seemed he felt worse than I did after! I can't imagine not feeling like I belonged at home. This very though leaves me cold. My heart goes out to you! Maverick
