by Perry 20 Replies latest jw friends
Do you say something like : T hat eastern peoples are more able* than the western people to prepare they’re children for closer relationships. And that maybe it have something to do with their religion or something else like their entire culture ?
* in what exactly ? I wonder, cause I don't know that much on this statement.
What I meant was that in some eastern cultures the mother, sister or sister-inlaw, and the grandmother seem to spend a whole lot more quality time with children for the first few years. They are exceedingly patient with the child, catering to most of their whims. This stops around age 6 or 7. Even though the father has comparatively less to do with the little tykes, the overall care and patience shown to the child is a great deal more than in the west. I don't think this is a religious expression but rather a cultural one.
All the extra care, patience, and understanding at an early age seems to sink deep emotional bonds into the child that is later used to encourage/coerce desired behavior. Even the subtle threat of the withdrawal of love from a primary caregiver has devastating effects and delivers a powerful psychic punch to those exposed to this type of child rearing.
It's not that people in the west don't do the same kinds of things, but rather the amount of effort, and the level of involvement from other female relatives seems to be the difference in my opinion.
I just read this fascinating book titled Destructive Emotions - How Can We Overcome Them? A Scientific Dialogue with the Dalai Lama. It's "narrated" by Danial Goleman (Harvard prof and author of Emotional Intelligence) and it's a bit less condescending than his other books. He is narrating a conference with neuroscientists, philosophers, psychologists, the Dalai Lama, and some other Buddhist monk dudes from various school (both Western-born and Eastern-born).
Fascinating book, I highly recommend it as a great way to get familiar with some Eastern thought without feeling too ex-JW-weirded out. ;)
Anyway, there's this guy named Paul Ekman who studies physical expression of emotion - he can determine what are called microemotions, and he trains other to do so (this is the guy that trains the Secret Service to detect liars). Let me now quote from page 131 of the hardback edition.
"Paul later told me that he had been struck by how openly and freely the Dalai Lama expressed his feelings. His face, Paul saw, was unusually expressive, revealing moment - to - moment changes not only in his emotions but in his thoughts: You could sense in his face when he was concentrating, doubting, understanding, agreeing....
...But Paul was also struck by how quickly he (the DL) recovered from distressing emotion - and that his more typical mode of response to others was always seeing the potential enjoyment or amusement, the positive side of whatever was occurring.
...While most people acquire a self-conciousness that leads them to restrain the free expression of their emotions, the Dalai Lama appeared completely unself-concious about showing them...Most children by age four or five have come to feel shame about certain feelings, and so begin a lifelong pattern of restraint in that portion of the spectrum of emotion. But the Dalai Lama appeared to Paul never to have learned to be embarrassed about how he feels - something that occurs only in the most fortunate of children."
Not that the DL is typical...but I think this is in the vein of what you were referring to, Perry. At least, I hope someone finds it relevant.
Very relevant Phantom. I haven't read any of the books referred to on this thread. They all sound fascinating. I feel a trip to Barnes and Noble coming on.
Yes PHANTOM ... Very revelant !!! something else maybe on the matter ?
Thank you PERRY for the answer ... How far did you go on this ? what are their specifics behaviors exactly ? ...
ONE OF A KIND POSTE ! Perry !!!
by the way I'm more into discuss some matter with people instead of reading (this way I get the information of the book and the reader intuition about it at the same time, even self-intuition ...)
Hope this poste will go on and on PLEASSSSSSSSSE
I wonder about so much about lots of stuff related or not.
Thank you in advance.
Corinne
What an amazing post. Thanks.
How far did you go on this ? what are their specifics behaviors exactly ? ...
frenchbabyface,
I watched an asian lady in China patiently unbutton a coat of a three yr. old. Moments later, the child protested that she wanted them buttoned... the lady patiently re-buttoned the coat. Still later, the child wanted it unbuttoned. This went on about three times until I left.
It struck me as being different than what I have observed in the west.
This is just one small example.
You know what we were talking (my son and I) this morning about your POST and we feel that you are right because it’s seems that WE OCCIDENTAL (I mean our parents – history – means also the behaviours we have, by have been feed by them) MESSED UP and still MESSING UP the WHOLE WORLD !
Your example TALKS TO ME .. A LOT
Can we stay in touch Perry ? (cause the poste seems to fade out and I don't want to forget about it)
Many people who are seriously lacking in these types of genuine relationships are compelled to try and search for a method of achieving the consequences of experiencing those types of loving, non-judging relationships, aka.... acceptance and its cousin happiness.
Bingo.
Yup, that about sums it up for me as far as why I was so susceptible to the WTS.
Neonmadman, the book The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse sounds really good where do you get it?
Amazon.com is one source, I'm sure it's available at bookstores too:
