Welcome PeaEye and Proud Ass.
I'm so sorry. Fortunately, I don' t have any JW relatives I was the only idiot.
HELP!!! HELP!!!! HELP!!!!!!
by proudassmonkey 56 Replies latest jw friends
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obiwan
My father is still a jw, and I decided when I was df'd, that if my father did not want to associate with me, it was his loss. The decision to do this did not come lightly. A person must decide for his/her own sanity. I completely understand wanting to be accepted by your parents. I also know how it's practically impossible to convince them. Ask yourself this question. Will any of this change my decision to leave the jw's? Once you are true to your own feelings, everything else will fall into place. None of this will be easy.Pressing forward is the key. You do not have to outright say you'll never be back. Just tell them that you respect thier decision, and that you hope they respect yours.
Thinking about you, and hoping the best.
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Ravyn
I am sorry but I could never 'let them know you respect their position' if you really don't! I say lay on the guilt trip! pour it on thick! tell them they are worse than animals adandonning a child of theirs because a cult told them too! I say show how angry you are and let them have ot with both barrels. As far as them saying they have no choice---dont let them play you like that! Tell them they have every choice and to let a cult dictate their lives is choosing to let a cult dictate their lives.
respect for their beliefs is bullcrap. who says we have to be tolerant of everything and everyone? this is wrong. send them a copy of CoC and tell them you have read 'where it is written' too and you have come to different conclusions. I say if you don't care if you ever talk to them again then go for the gold! They started it with the pretended 'honesty' approach...give em back as good as they dished out. dont play by their rules---you are not a JW and dont have to! Just because they said they will shun you does not mean you have to shun them and 'respect' that nonsense!
Ravyn, who respects only those who deserve it and only those beliefs worth respecting.(hint--and JWs aint neither!)
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neverthere
Melissa, I have no advice or response for your parents only this
((((((((((((((((((((((MELISSA))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Neverthere
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Maverick
There is some very good comments and scriptural and doctrinal advise here. I learn so much on this board! But I wonder if you might consider a totally different approach? Dismiss the WatchTower all together. Treat your family as if they are NORMAL, unbrain washed people! Write them telling them about your life, send them birthday cards and other holiday cards and gifts, and if they don't respond well to it, just blow it off! Don't fight their fight on their terms. Write your own rules on the game. If you are in their company and they start parroting their Masters just laugh at them and wave your hand at them and look at them like they are so silly! And ask if they are taking their meds? Maverick
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xjw_b12
Hello Melissa. Welcome to JWD. I'm afraid the PAM moniker is probably going to stick with you........but blame Gopher...LOL
When I was DF'd I just ignored the restrictions. I was living on my own, but I would drop in on both my parents and grandparents, and pretend nothing was different. If they tried to lay the guilt trip on my I would reciprocate with " How can you treat your own flesh and blood like that? Not only is it unchristian, it's unhuman!" I eventually wore them down, and they relaxed to the point where they wouldn't invite me for dinner per se, but if I dropped in for a visit, say around 5:00 pm, I could stay for a meal !
I would try and avoid the confrontational approach. Seems Dad and Mom have their heels dug in pretty good.
Greven (as usual) has some excelleant advice there. Use their own propaganda against them, but cautiously, and lovingly. Don't let them see your frustration. Love Bomb them. You are happy with your choice, and you are the second member of your family to decide not to be a JW.
Your dad wrote :
This last conversation and disrespectful response was a direct challenge for us to choose between obedience to what the scriptures teach us or not , and we have got to listen. Yes you are right that it may not be right in your eyes, or in the eyes of people who are not Jehovah’s witnesses who may think it is wrong. Your mother and I can’t just choose what we want to believe and what we don’t what to believe. We can’t just take the beliefs and choose from column A and then some from B. You know what we believe. That’s not how we do things, we need to accept all that is written.
I would ask them to back that up with scripture, WITHOUT additional gobblygook from the WT publications.
Good Luck and keep us in the loop !
xjw_b12 "Millions Now Living Will Never
DieKnow"P.S. PeaEye Welcome, though I see you've been here since Dec. 01 Don't be shy !
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Yerusalyim
Mellissa,
Sorry, this is always hard.
I latched on to this:
All five of you where given the same direction, only two of you accepted the course to not follow Jehovah.
IF you respond...pick this up and point out it isn't GOD you've left but the Organization which states itself is not inspired. Tell them you're still sticking to biblical teaching...just not Jehovah Witness Teaching. Point out the flickering light...(dates, definition of FDS and Generation) and tell them that you're still following God...but have stopped following a man made organization.
HUGS and best of luck.
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Amazing
Hi Proud,
All of the responses above are great ... and several gave great ideas on what to deal with should you write back to your parents.
As you know, every family and person is different. In some cases it works well to keep trying, and others is works well to leave it alone. You know your parents best.
Somehow, though, in reading what you Dad wrote, it struck me in a way I have never before considered. I could have seen myself writing the same exact style letter to one of my children at one point in time. It was odd, almost weird, how I connected.
It almost as if your Dad is taking his last stand to exercise control. It may not be as much about Jehovah as it is about his relationship with you. Maybe there is a way to drive a wedge into his heart ... not that it will immediately respond ... but in a way that will eat at him until he is forced to get rid of the religion and then seek you out to renew your relationship.
If you want, PM me or E-mail me at [email protected], and I will write a sample letter and see what I can come up with. Just a thought, and it make not work for you or fit your style ... but then again, maybe it might work. - Jim W.
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detective
Try reading: Releasing the Bonds: Empowering people to think for Themselves by cult expert Steven Hassan.
Yeah, I know- hearing "read a book" right now probably doesn't sound too helpful, but it is. It can provide some helpful tips on dealing with people who are involved in cults and offers some good ideas on communication so that you can avoid some of the pitfalls that plague cult member/non-cult member interactions.
Or, you can just write 'em off. You need to keep yourself mentally healthy.
Oh, and one other thing, since part of this is appears to be about control as Amazing pointed out, my advice is that you might want to wait to respond for a bit. Not too long, but just long enough to create an "awkward pause" in the conversation. I admit it's a little taste of psychological warfare and normally I wouldn't promote it, but in this case it could work to your advantage. Giving a little room for them to wonder will upset the balance of "power" in the conversation. You'll have taken some of your own "power" back and it'll disarm them... just a wee bit. Ultimately, if you decide to have a relationship with them, you'll have to work around and/or undermine the group's control over them (and of their attempt to control you through shunning). Without being abusive, you can start to assert your own power in small ways so that the message that you won't be bullied or manipulated will really hit home for them. They said it was up to you anyway...
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Yerusalyim
Oh, and add this in your letter should you write back.
Someone asked me for this back in a 1975 thread and I just found it.
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Awake! 1993 March, 22 Why So Many False Alarms?
Jehovah's Witnesses, in their eagerness for Jesus' second coming, have suggested dates that turned out to be incorrect. Because of this, some have called them false prophets. Never in these instances, however, did they presume to originate predictions 'in the name of Jehovah.' Never did they say, 'These are the words of Jehovah.' The Watchtower, the official journal of Jehovah's Witnesses, has said: 'We have not the gift of prophecy.' (January 1883, page 425) 'Nor would we have our writings reverenced or regarded as infallible.' (December 15, 1896, page 306) The Watchtower has also said that the fact that some have Jehovah's spirit 'does not mean those now serving as Jehovah's witnesses are inspired. It does not mean that the writings in this magazine The Watchtower are inspired and infallible and without mistakes.' (May 15, 1947, page 157) 'The Watchtower does not claim to be inspired in its utterances, nor is it dogmatic.' (August 15, 1950, page 263) 'The brothers preparing these publications are not infallible. Their writings are not inspired as are those of Paul and the other Bible writers. (2 Tim. 3:16) And so, at times, it has been necessary, as understanding became clearer, to correct views. (Prov. 4:18)' February 15, 1981, page 19.