Do you still love your relatives/friends who shun you?

HadEnuf

As I was participating in my daily duties of domestic slavery I got to ruminating about my mom, sister and brother who are shunning me (even though I am neither DF'd of DA'd). I got to thinking to myself that I don't really miss them all that much. In fact; I almost feel that I have lost the abundance of love that I once felt for them...well, except for my brother who I have never gotten along with anyway. I feel quite heartless! My sister was my very best friend and my mom was also dear to my heart.

So just wondering if anyone else here still longs for the close, loving relationship they used to have with close relatives/friends; or have you lost that love in sort of a "self-protective act"? Arghhhhhhhhhhhh...ramble, ramble, ramble.

Cathy L.

Nikita

Yes, I still miss my one brother still in-and if he would let me know he is leaving and wanted to renew our relationship-I'd do it without any reservation.

I am saddened and hurt at our lack of any relationship but at the same time I realize that he is truly believing what he believes to be right. I just hope that he does somehow take the blinders down and realize before it is too late-you never know how much time you have to live on this planet.

You can't retrieve those lost moments but you can make many grand new ones!

Just my $.02.

Nikita

breal

I still love them and they will always have a place in my heart and mind. However as I have realized that my life runs pretty smoothly unless/until one of them appears or makes contact I have to try to distance myself. Mind you with our family some of it is "shunning" due to the organization and the rest is just general disfunction.

I used to believe that certain family members shunned me as they claimed it was part of what they believed and I needed to respect there beliefs. Then another family member was DF'd and this person who was the biggest promoter of the "respect my beliefs" line is still in contact with other non DF'd/DA'd members - so I think that most JW's or ex's can use the shunning arrangement and all it entails as a tool to hurt others or in whatever way best suits there mindset at any given time.

I think it is better to focus ones love and energy on healthy relationships instead of ones that are so unstable, unhealthy and unreliable.

Singing Man

I am like you. I was reinstated about six years ago but then quickly stopped going to meetings cause I then seen how heartless my so called friends were. And of course my family is not a family at all, but they are controlled by a publishing company in NY City. I used to laugh when I would read on this site about spies checking out what is said in here and other such sites, but I am a firm believer now. So in reply to your question no I don't love them as I used to, when I loved them before there was no fear with it. I do have a brother Dan who is NOT a witness, if he dose not want to talk with me its because of his own desire at the moment not because some publishing company told him to act that way. Now for me there is the there fear that at any moment they will abandon me as before, so why should I build back the level of love I once had along with the natural security I once had with it. Shane,

blondie

Cathy, I remember the lovable person they were and love that person. I don't wish to do anything hurtful to them. Their own actions are doing that.

Blondie

garybuss

I don't love them because they won't allow it. They are unlovable.

Love is like a hug. To hug someone they have to permit the hug. If they refuse to be hugged, they are un-huggable. . . . un-loveable.

Do I miss them? No! This shunning has been going on too long. The shelf life on missing them has expired. I have moved on with the good in my life and there is no time or room to miss those who chose their own way for selfish reasons.

Stacy Smith

My family is lucky in that we were the only ones that were witnesses. But they loved us even when we were stupid.

Dimples

I don't have any relatives that are jw's. I must admit that I do miss and love some of the ones that are left behind in the organization. Even though it hurts me when they shun me, I think some are hurting just as badly. After all they aren't allowed to speak to us but we can speak to them. I think if they could, they would. It is amazing to me that they feel by shunning a person who is disfellowshipped or disassociated is punishment for us, when in reality it is punishing them as well. Now keep in mind that there are some that seem to enjoy shunning others, I guess they feel power over us. Those I wouldn't want to associate with anyway.They were probably the ones who always had their heads up in the air thinking they were better that everyone else. I have run into some that would crack a smile and you could tell they wanted to talk but just couldn't in fear of being caught. All I can do is hope one day that their eyes will be opened and see what the organization is really about. Can I get an AMEN??

Dimples

Dawn

I think you are correct in that part of your response is a protection factor. Also, love has to be fed to grow and if they're not feeding it then it's bound to shrink.

My family uses the shunning only when it's convenient for them. I'm not invited to their parties - but they have no problem contacting me when they need help......................oh well - I continue to help them when I'm able to do it because I feel that I should act christian even when I don't want to.

Nikita

I just wanted to add that I have moved on with my life and part of what helps is the actual physical distance between my brother & I. Even when I was up in town visitng family-it was a rare occasion that I would see him. On the down side, now that Funchback (he's one of my brothers) and I have reconnected, it's harder to spend time with him because of the distance.

Dimples comments brought to mind one incident with my brother. We were at my Dad's marriage to my step-mom and everything was going great-I was having a great time, so happy that my Dad had found someone that made him happy after my Mom died. Then, they went to do the "first dance" and all of a sudden, I lost it! There I stood in the midst of the partygoers bawling like a baby! My Aunt came over and comforted me. WHile we were talking and hugging I noticed my brother just standing and observing with a concerned look on his face. It was like he wanted to play some kind of role at that moment in time but he was restrained in some way. I truly believe that he was being torn between what felt natural to do-comfort his sister and what he felt pressured to do-remain the "strong elder" who couldn't let his emotions get the better of him.

Nikita

Do you still love your relatives/friends who shun you?

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