by HadEnuf 22 Replies latest jw friends
I have been shunned for the better part of 20 years. Not by my mother as much (my father was never a JW and died when I was a baby), but the rest of my relatives I was close to when I was growing up.
My grandmother died 3 years ago, although she had been inactive for several years (due to senility). After her death, I feel as if I have no family and try to make do with that.
Sad thing to pass on to my own children.
GH
what i miss MOST is being some one's sister. and no i don't mean that in a spiritual sense. physical literal sister. i miss the closeness the shared memories..... everything that having a sister and being a sister means. my one sister is gone now (dec. will be 5 years since her passing) and my other sister is at patterson and married to an elder.... my brothers i don't miss as much cuz they were always mean to me.
other than that though i am good.
melissa
I used to love them, miss them. As the years go by, I have come to feel that if someone is abusive to me, I do not love them except in a humanistic "I love people in general" sense. Shunning is abusive, so no, I no longer love my abusers relatives/friends who shun me.
tal
My sister cut herself off from me 20 years ago. I never got a letter or a postcard or phone call in some 15 years. My two nephews and baby niece grew up without their uncle (me), all because of this stupid (albeit effective) cultic protectionism thing called ‘shunning’. Eight years ago when I had a little girl of my own, all of a sudden my sister wants to be all "family" and stuff. The hypocrisy of it disgusted me. I let her know through my JW mother I didn’t want anything to do with her or her family. I wonder how SHE feels to be shunned? I’ll never have anything to do with her no matter what the circumstances.
Been about nine months since I’ve heard from my mom. Guess she’s joined forces with the Watchtower losers. Well, I don’t need her either.
I gotta simple rule that works well for me. If’n you don’t wanna have anythin’ to do with me, I don’t wanna have nothin’ to do with you.
Steve
Thank you all for your replies...quite an array of different perspectives on this subject that I hadn't considered. I just wish it didn't fill me with so much turmoil all this time. I feel alot like proudassmonkey (wow...not THAT'S a nickname for ya!!); I miss my sister and mom in the sense that I miss the bond that we shared as blood relatives. Blondie...of course you offer your words of wisdom, short & sweet; I wish I could get to the same "state" that you can feel towards your relatives. (Did you have a good trip? We were thinking of you with envy and jealousy!)
I often think of what I would do if they decided to contact me again. Would I be able to start up these relationships again with what they have done to me personally? Some of you have mentioned that your family was dysfunctional in the first place...and when I consider this I can see that perhaps our family too was dysfunctional. I am sure that does not make them anymore endearing to me; especially along with the shunning. Oh how I do ramble.
thanks all for your input...glad I have my friends here at least! Cathy L.
I sure miss my family not only for myself, but my children have been raised without their grandparents, cousins etc. In time the pain is less, but for myself if they called me in need I would still assist them. I refuse to become as they are. I am better then that. I have raised my girls to put hate someplace else because if they hate their family, the JW's still have control over them.
Leslie
I don't miss my family. I've moved on with my life with hubby and kids. We have a great circle of old and new found friends. It doesn't mean that I wouldn't open my arms to my jw family if they could accept who I was now and just leave it at that, but they can't so I don't miss them for that reason. (don't need the stress that goes with it).
cj
This thread really wakes a guy up who sees the horrible way that families treat you. I got suckered into the cult... you all grew up in it. And everyone you knew wouldn't talk to you...
Sorry, just had to post my thoughts. It really makes me sick....
Yes, very much, and it still hurts because I don't know yet how to "have my family in my life" in whatever small way, but not let their judgments get to me. I know I will always love them and would accept them at any time, but I feel a certain separation helps me to grow and move forward and not remain bitter about my past.
I appreciate your starting this topic very much because I moved away from my family--from Kentucky to Rhode Island. It's been an interesting life change, because they don't have the same "control" over me here, and I'm better off for it. I miss them very much, and I'm still learning from my own past mistakes in my dealings with them. Because when I left the jw's, I also got divorced; so I know that I shook up their world as well as my own.
All I know for sure though is what somebody here already said--I love them and always will and I won't let my anger at my past get in the way of that anymore.
Becky
I gotta simple rule that works well for me. If’n you don’t wanna have anythin’ to do with me, I don’t wanna have nothin’ to do with you.Steve
Exactly!!! I am lucky (can I use that word) my family has never shunned me. Really don't know why because I've run across witnesses who refused to make eye contact. But someone told me a very simple rule once, treat others as well as they treat you. Works for me. Bug
