They're coming!

Ariell

I was afraid this day would come soon and now it has. I'm getting a sheperding call this Saturday. I have five days to figure out how I'm going to handle this. My mom already knows I'm no longer a believer. I so want to send in a resignation letter to avoid this, but then again I don't want the stigma that goes along with being disfellowhipped. It'll be another year before I leave for college. I have zero friends in the org to lose, but all of my immediate family is still in-both parents, one brother, and my grandmother. I know they wouldn't stop socializing with me, but I was hoping to avoid as much tension as possible, but now these bastards have to come along and screw it up. I'm tired of pretending. What am I suppose to do? Tell them I'm spiritual weak and will try to ease my way back in. I think not. And if I tell them I no longer believe, they'll disfellowship me anyway right? I hate this OBSCENITY DELETED religion.

DJ

Ariel,

Try to calm down and read what you wrote. If your family won't shun you and you have no friends to lose in the org. then, it doesn't seem like a big deal if you are df'd. I would not play any games with them. Tell them the truth and try to be respectful to them as people because your family is watching your behavior. It is my opinion that you need to be true to yourself about what you believe and truthful with others if they ask. Otherwise you are lying to yourself. I am happpy that you have a family that won't shun you if you were df'd so don't give them a reason. They will be under pressure from the elders to shun you, so simply state your feelings in a calm and rational way and ask them for understanding. love, dj

avishai

Why meet w/ them at all? Just keep blowing them off.

blondie

First, Ariel, do they have proof of any DFing offense other than what you might have told your mother? If not, then your mother is only one person, one witness (remember that rule?). You can just deny you said anything or that she misunderstood what you said. I would just avoid talking with them. Be busy, out of the house. No one is obligated to have a shepherding call made on them. It should be your choice. Ever wonder why 2 elders come? Two witnesses to whatever you mistakenly say. Do you have someone to be there with you that can support you?

Why not cancel? Just tell them that you are working it out on your own and you appreciate their willingness to spend some of their precious time with you. Be polite, firm, don't offer any details. (Call before Saturday).

Blondie (a fellow fader and not a chance of a shepherding call)

If you are tired of pretending, then a complete break may be the only way. Are you positive your family won't succumb to pressure to make them avoid you? Be absolutely positive.

shamus

I agree.

Just blow them off!

Tell them no thanks, and bye bye. No sheperding calls, I am too busy for this bullshit, thank you, god bless, f--- off, go away, bye bye, don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.... don't call me, I'll call you, don't show up at my door, I'm just leaving, oh, thanks for calling, but i'm on the other line, can I call you right back? Bla bla bla bla bla,

Don't play by their stupid rules. Don't let them into your house.

caspian

Ariell

I have some ideas that might help

Give me a PM if you are interested

Cas

RubaDub

Ariell

I would offer another opinion that you should think about.

You mentioned that if you were df'd, that your family would still have contact with you.

That sounds good, but then that could lead to a lot of pressure on them by the elders for them NOT to associate with you. If they continue, THEY will be the ones getting the heat and it could even lead to THEM having to go before a JC.

I did the fade thing and still have great contact with my family and they do not feel obligated to shun me in any way.

Personally, I would do the "spiritually weak" thing, talk about feeling of depression, etc., etc., etc. Meet with elders but make it short. It would be a great day to wake up not feeling so well. Remember, we are taught to "buy out the opportune time." Do some buying!!!!

When you go to college, it will be behind you and your family won't have to hide the fact they still are in contact with you. It also will make things a lot easier for all parties if you are back home visiting and others from the congregation happen to stop by.

Just my opinion, but you must realize that whatever decision will make will affect your family too.

***** Rub a Dub

anglise

Hi Ariel,

could you plead stress, pressure etc.

I assume you are still at school. If so there is always lots that need your extra attention for the forseeable future.

You could say that you will contact them with a suitable time to call when you see an opening in your very busy schedule.

Dont put up a seemingly unmoveable barrier or the alarm bells will ring.

Be friendly, smile but seem a little preposessed and mentally occupied.

Dont answer any questions about meetings or your personal beliefs directly. Wrong time, wrong place be evasive.

Anglise

Mulan

We have had some shepherding calls and aren't disfellowshipped yet.

You can lie to them, tell them you "are going through some personal and work issues and can't get to all the meetings and I know you will respect my desire for privacy at this time".

If they ask you their famous questions, you can say "of course I believe in the faithful and discreet slave", and "of course I'll come back to the meetings when I get things sorted out."

We haven't been that outright dishonest but we have lied plenty and been deceitful. The last visit they asked if we associate with apostates, so we asked them to define that word. According to their definition, "no we haven't".

Anything they ask that will incriminate you, lie.

frenchbabyface

Arielle : "I'm tired of pretending"

pretending is very tiring (That's why the honest JW are very tired - cause they have to pretend that they are not human beings) that also means that you won't be able to go further on your own way (true life) without paradox (hiding yourself nor psycho issues) this way you have to assume being two people in one !!! Means that they still have power on your life till you're not ready to be yourself.

But take your time if you're not ready ... But how much time left ???

They're coming!

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