Ever had someone mad at you, but you didn't know why?
I mean, whose responsibility is it to initiate the reconciliation? If someone comes to me feeling slighted in some way, I think that they should go ahead and let it all out and yell at me if need be. Saying, "you know what you did" solves nothing! If, in fact, I HAVE done something, I'll apologize for it. Also, if you are going to go so far as to say you are mad in the first place, you should be willing to 1) state your case clearly; 2) hear the other person's side of the story; 3) allow them to apologize. I think if you are NOT willing to say why you are mad, that you shouldn't bring it up in the first place! Or, if they apologize, accept it!
I hate to say this, but women are pretty bad about this (okay, so it's not fair of me to stereoptype). There have been times when I was really mad at Jon, but wouldn't talk about it. (Yeah, it was probably hormonal). Would it be right of me to yell at him, but never say why I am mad, and even go so far as to expect an apology when he doesn't know what he's done? I think not. If I am truly upset and want to fix things, I'll say why I am mad and let the person decide if they too want to fix things. Wanting to fix things is key. If I just want to bitch, well that's something else.
Imagine if this was how a court of law was set up. You go before a judge and jury who know what you are accused of and might even have evidence against, but you have no idea. How would you defend yourself?! You couldn't! I suppose you could admit to every bad thing you can recall, but even then you might miss what they are looking for.
What's my point? Well, I am PMSing and irritable and I need to vent. Sorry you had to see this folks.