"You Know What You Did"

by StinkyPantz 22 Replies latest social relationships

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  drwtsn32

  Well Bridget... you may be PMSing but that doesn't stop you from writing kick-ass posts.

  Imagine if this was how a court of law was set up. You go before a judge and jury who know what you are accused of and might even have evidence against, but you have no idea. How would you defend yourself?! You couldn't! I suppose you could admit to every bad thing you can recall, but even then you might miss what they are looking for.

  Excellent point! I have certain people get upset at me but not tell me what is wrong. They somehow expect me to be able to read their mind and know why I pissed them off! I'm a guy, I don't have that skill!!
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  happyout

  I can't believe you would bring this up in public!! We talked and talked, and if you still don't understand what you did wrong, well, then you just don't know me. I guess we are not as close as I thought we were. This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about. Ok, I never actually mentioned it, but you should have known.

  And another thing, last night in my dreams you were really mean to me, and I don't understand why. Why would you behave that way? You owe me a HUGE apology!

  Happyout (who never confesses to pms'ing)
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  Gopher

  Ever had someone mad at you, but you didn't know why?

  SP, you've hit on a key point in maintaining sane human relationships -- and that is "communication". Relationships are difficult and tricky things, and statements like "you know what you did" only make things harder.

  This happened to me a lot in my first marriage. I was supposed to know EXACTLY what she was angry about at that moment AND make it right.

  I was thinking to myself (and sometimes expressed it) "What am I, a god-damn mind reader??"

  "You know what you did" can be very demeaning and seems to be a way to control the other person through guilt. It's not healthy. Both people in ANY relationship make mistakes. And unless both stand ready to forgive, one or the other will always be on the defensive.

  To me, life is too short and time is too important to play mindgames like "you should know why I'm angry" and then not tell the person until hours later. Geez.
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  searcher

  I have had people mad at me because i have been friendly toward people that their friends are mad at.

  Who Knew?
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  StinkyPantz

  Robyn-

  How can somebody understand the other without talking about it?

  Thank you!! And why is this only obvious to some people some of the time?

  Doc-

  you may be PMSing but that doesn't stop you from writing kick-ass posts.

  Well, those are the only posts I know how to write. . .

  Happyout-

  And another thing, last night in my dreams you were really mean to me

  Girl, you so crazy!! Your post made me laugh, thanks.

  Gopher-

  "You know what you did" can be very demeaning and seems to be a way to control the other person through guilt [. . . .] To me, life is too short and time is too important to play mindgames like "you should know why I'm angry" and then not tell the person until hours later.

  Mindgames. . . that's exactly what that is. . . I think people do this and their only aim is a huge guilt trip .
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  Stacy Smith

  I have had people mad at me because i have been friendly toward people that their friends are mad at.

  me2 Searcher

  My first boyfriend would say that "you know" thing all the time. Turns out he was just jealous and if I even talked to a guy at school he'd be all pissy and angry. He was the first to find out that getting controlled isn't my thing.
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  pettygrudger

  Well, I can say that after 9 years marriage, I say "You Know what You Did" on many occassions. Me & Hubby have our annoyances w/one another, and for the most part, it doesn't need explaining, nor does it need to be "fixed" - in fact it can't be. He is what he is, I am what I am, and never the "twain shall meet" as it is said. An apology would be nice, but I don't even find that necessarily important anymore. He knows I'm annoyed, and usually he knows why (if he is truly clueless I fill him in - but come on, after the same arguments for 9 years - he oughta have one by now!). More importantly, he knows I'll get over it (which actually usually annoys me even more - especially when I'm pms'ing!).

  I think you're right about it being a predominantly female thing though, so I don't think you're being "sexist". I don't think my husband has ever demanded, wanted or expected an apology. He's content to let things blow over, and let me be me (and that's why I love him all the more).

  Hope you're feeling better soon!
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  StinkyPantz

  PG-

  Hope you're feeling better soon!

  Oh, I will in 3 to 5 days!!
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  blondie

  Hey, Stinky, I'm the expert on this. At the KH, there would always be a sister who would not talk to me. Of course, she could not tell me what the problem was. She had to tell another sister who had to tell another sister who had to tell another sister....eventually one sister would come tell me. I would realize that the sister had misinterpreted something someone else had told her I said. Now what to do!?

  My family is like this. It has lead to one of my SIL to not talk to me for 5 years. She has this problem with other people too so I don't take it too personally. I bet she is not talking to more people than she is talking to, and she is a JW too. Big surprise.

  So my motto is, if the person is important to me, like my husband, I sometimes have to pick a fight to find out what it is. All others, pearls before swine.

  Blondie
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  Elsewhere

  SweetiePants, it is clear that you have been very naughty!

  Please report for your thorough spanking!