To those who were DFd (page 5)

bittersweet

I wonder how the elders can live with themselves having caused so much anguish in peoples lives. Anyone here that used to be an elder feel bad about being judge and jury when disfellowshipping people? Do the elders really feel they have god's holy spirit guiding them? Just curious. ( btw, this question isn't meant to make any x elders feel bad, after all, they were under the influence of a mind altering cult )

Perry

I wonder how the elders can live with themselves having caused so much anguish in peoples lives.

bittersweet,

Personally, I can't help to feel little more than utter disdain for elders. I long for the day when I can view these weak, cowardly, pawns in the clean up crew for the geriactric brooklyn brigade as lovabale. I know that until I do I will be little better than them.

Your statement above seems like a misnmomer to me. Elders do not live with themselves ..... that's is the point. They live under the cover of WT edicts which allows them to psychologically project the consequences of their collossal crimes against families onto God.

breal

They never told me they were DF'ing me. Said they would talk with me again soon. Apparantly my DFing was announced shortly thereafter...

I was sad because of the "shunning by family & friends". I was embarrased cuz I would have prefered to DA myself and my DF'ing was looked at as inevitable by some family members who were very self righteous and never very supportive while I was in the religion anway.

At the same time there was a huge sense of relief. No longer would it be inferred or would I feel that I am "not good enough". I could instead focus on my friendships that were healthy and positive. Plus it was the first time I could really be me - cuz before I had spent so much time trying to make other people happy and impress them...and for the first time it was all about me.

Plus a little scared...cuz I was still in High School

shotgun

Just wanted to let you all know your posts touched my heart.

I've been reading Breaking the Bonds and it explains so much about how we were led to believe and do the things we did(Elders included)

As a dub you grow up being told people who are df'd deserved it, they were not repentent, they didn't love Jehovah...blah..blah..blah.

Now I realize they were just human, people with for the most part just normal everyday problems or situations which a religious organization labelled as demonized or sinful conduct in order to control all aspect of their lives.

I would like to ask anyone who I have shunned in the past..... please forgive me for alloowing myself to be a tool used by the WTBTS to punish you. I honestly believed it was the proper thing to do even though it hurt like hell to do it.

I'M SORRY AND IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN

benext

I am not D/F but this weekend had a conversation with someone who after I told them I don't attend any meetings asked: "So you disassociated yourself from the cong. or is it something else?" I simply answered no. What this org. puts into the minds of its members is sickening.

orangefatcat

Lucky me, I totally refused to meet with the body of elders. Because at the same time I finally decided to divorce my ex after 28 yrs with him and 38 yr in the org. so there was on thing to do, make it all in one clean swipe.

So I spoke to my doctor and a social worker and they set me up with in a home for abused women. I had already packed up my belongings during a two week period, that is how observant my ex was. I wrote in the meantime a letter to the body of elders and told them I was divorcing and at the same time I was leaving the organization and that I had committed adultry. I said I will not attend any meeting and it would be a waste of your time as I have made up my mind and will not be coming back.

The bro. gave my husband a letter to him and asked him to give it to me and to please call them.

I told him I told the elder I won't be attending any meeting. I called my sister and she was told by my ex and the elders in the cong. that it was urgent that I call them. They wanted to speak to me. I told her about everything and said no. She called me back and I told her I said no. She said the elder said if you don't call within 7 days then they will take action against me.

I said to so be it and I said my good byes to her and she said do you want to tell mom or shall I and I told her that it is probably better coming from yoou. That was at the end of Dec. 1999. And apparently through the grapevine I was disfellowshipped a week later.

I never recieved anything offical from the congreation to this day nor have any elder spoke with me either. And they all know where I live.

My experience is a lot less tramatic then some of yours. But the tradgedy for me is I lost my entire family and my mom and sister live close to me and have not spoke to me in nearly 4 yrss.

Love Orangefatcat.

bittersweet

(((((((((orangefatcat)))))))) you may feel your experience is less traumatic than some here, but it hurts you none the less. We all love you here!

ESTEE

I was disfellowshipped for ImmoralityTM ... yes the big FORNICATION ... insert music from Twilight Zone here

I had a message on my answering machine, "We are having a meeting to 'conclude' this matter on such-and-such time and date."

I did not attend their meeting ... my sense was that it was going to be a Kangaroo Court. I decided not to put myself through it.

I phoned my Avon Lady (who was a dub) about a week later to place an order. She said to me, "I cannot take your order."

I said, "Oh...? How come...?"

She said, "Because you are disfellowshipped."

Hmmmm... so that's how I heard my news.

I felt positively blindsided by those elders.

I prayed. I felt an immediate connection with my spirituality ... and knew that I was loved. I knew immediately that this is not the way of love ... and not from GodTM. Once I realized that, I also realized that I did not need the dubs to be in tune with my true spirituality! What a wonderful gift the dubs gave me when they set me freeeee to my spiritual path!!! Unconnected from them!!!

I release them to their ummmm... path ... hehehe!!

ESTEE

Loris

I turned myself in. I had made a foolish mistake. I fell victim to a devious "brother" who as I found out later had seduced several "sisters" over the years. It seems that I was the only one to tell. First I called his wife to apologize to her then I called the elders. I had the usual interrogation and was told that if it happened again I would be DF'd. Someone reported to the elders that they saw the "brother's" car parked at my house all night. I was hauled on the carpet and DF'd. I was numb with disbelief. I had bought the car from him 6 months before. But once the elders had determined to DF me there was no stopping them.

It didn't bother me to go the KH every meeting and have the same people snub me just like they had before I was DF'd. What really got to me was how hateful those self-righteous ***8shdnx could be to my darling children. I sold my home and moved to another congregation. The people at the new hall were so nice and loving to my children even if they had to look the other way when it came to me. I was still convinced of the rightness of the WTS so I endured for Jehovah's sake. Silly me.

Loris

CaptK

Myself.... I thought if you confess your sins, the elders would show mercy and help you through your problems. I received just the opposite. One elder threw his Bible down on the table and said I should have done this or that!! He was very mad even violent. After a short dismissal they invite you back in and his buddy a jr elder (about 22-25 yr old) said brother xxxx You Are Disfellowshipped. I was looking at him across the conference table and he had glow in his eyes that he wanted me out and he was really happy that He was part of a decision to get me out!!!. It was funny looking back on the situation I called an appeal committee thinking that I would get a different decision. Wrong!! Get this..These guys showed up at the KH,, they meet together first, {the org elders and the 5 new elders), then invite me in to the conference room, I tell my story again, this time to 9 elders...(the original 4 and 5 they brought in from another hall) {Here I thought that the original committee was to be thrown out} They dismiss me (then after 15-30 min) call me back in to inform me that they are going to stand by the decision of the original committee. {Dah...a course you are going to stand by the original committie..You are not going to jeopardize your elder job over a pee-on like me} {What was I thinking?} After the mess, I have a whole new set of friends, I felt really relieved for the first time in a long time, back in school advancing my career, and living a much happier life.

To those who were DFd

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