Do All Men Think That Watching TV is a Togetherness Activity?

by Swan 20 Replies latest social relationships

  • Swan
    Swan

    Just curious about something that I am trying to understand in my marriage. When I am not at work I am usually home. My husband is home all day due to being retired due to a work disability. Very seldom are either of us out doing something without the other.

    Most of the time we spend at home is spent in the following manner. If I am not in the kitchen fixing meals, I am usually in the front living room reading on the couch or in my little office playing on the computer or on the Internet. He spends most if not all of his time in the family room watching TV (lots of western re-runs, some Sci-Fi channel, action-adventure, and war movies).

    Last week we had this discussion:

    The subject was raised by my husband that we aren't together that often.

    I replied that we spend every evening together.

    He meant doing things together.

    So I asked him if he wanted to go out to movies, the pool hall, whatever?

    No, it's just that I am always on the computer or reading. We should do more togetherness activities.

    I said, well you're always watching TV. We could get some games, play cards, etc.

    No. He thought I should come out and watch TV with him all night.

    I told him I just don't think of watching TV as a togetherness activity.

    He does.

    I watch a few shows a week, but I have other interests and want entertainment that is more active than passive. I don't like sitting through reruns or frequent and long blocks of commercials.

    Do all men feel this way, or just those addicted to TV? Do you other wives have this problem? Do you men really think TV is a togetherness activity? Is this a Mars/Venus thing? I want to understand where he is coming from on this so I can then work to find a compromise.

    Tammy

  • stillajwexelder
    stillajwexelder

    Yes watching TV together can be a togetherness activity -- especially if you ar elying on the sofa together or whatever -- or he has his arm around your shoulder -- but sure - it definitely is a way of spending time with each other - make sure he does not have the remote control though . LOL

  • jschwehm
    jschwehm

    Hi:

    I know that my wife and I have had that discussion at times. What we have done is we have started reading together. We take turns reading to each other. It has drawn us closer and it is a nice relaxing togetherness activity.

    Jeff S.

  • ESTEE
    ESTEE

    Awwww ... Swan,

    As far as I'm concerned, TV watching is passive living. I can't tell you how long ago it has been since I turned on the TV. I don't miss it at all. Is it because I have a life? All I know is that there are so many wonderful things to do, not the least of which for me is ballroom dancing....that is my passion.

    My theory is that you might want to revisit why the two of you got together in the first place. Therein lies the answer to your question. What mutual thing brought the two of you together? Is that factor still in your "togetherness"...? Or have your circumstances changed since that time? Are you on the same path or journey as of late...?

    You will figure it out, honey.

    ESTEE

  • SpannerintheWorks
    SpannerintheWorks

    Hey, Swan!

    I don't know the entire intricate details of your relationship with your husband, but it seems that his definition of doing things "together" is doing what he does already, but with you around as well. Then he is able to continue doing what he does now, at the same time as feeling that you are "together" more "often".

    Have you tried asking him if he would like to be "together" more "often" doing things that YOU like to do? That's a good way to find out his real motives; does he have a genuine interest in spending more time with you, or is he just trying to justify his reason for being a couch potato?

    Spanner

  • Swan
    Swan

    Good questions Spanner!

    I'll have to think about that for a while, although off the cuff, I would say he wants to be a couch potato with me in the room.

    Hmmmm.

    Tammy

  • Valis
    Valis

    Hey Swan...My good friend SheilaM and Thunder have a night reserved where that is what they do, have pizza or whatever and movies. Maybe you are missing his missing you in an odd sort of way. If he wants to do more things together then so be it! Just get up and do them...tell him what you want to do and see how he responds. Wanna go tot he movies or out and about? Well let him know and then start getting ready. You'll find out where he's at and what he means with a quickness. *LOL* There are lots of things you can do at home, but agreeing on what they are is an entirely different matter...*LOL* Best of luck. and have a nice day. OH and BTW, did you know that televison is what prophets do?

    Sincerely,

    District Overbeer

  • Hamas
    Hamas

    I hate TV.

    The first thing I do when I come back from being away is put the TV in the garden.

    Serious.

  • Maverick
    Maverick

    I have a very physical job. I get cut, brused, smashed fingers, bang my head, and lift 50, to 60 pound boxes of tile and marble all day. And most of the houses I work in are hugh, with stairs, lots and lots of stairs. By the end of the day, I'm over it. So my lady friends know that if they call and I'm not up to going out, they come over and watch a movie or we don't get together. Now when I'm off or traveling, I have all this energy and stamina and these ladies are going to get worked over real good! But I like to share the experience of watching a movie or TV show with them. I think they have ulterior motives cause they always try to get frisky while were watching the tube. Someday I'll get to watch a whole show through...well, maybe not! Maverick

  • Eyebrow2
    Eyebrow2

    I think watching tv or a movie together can be togetherness...especially if you are interacting.

    When my husband and I watch a race or football game on tv we do a lot of talking about it; in fact, when he is away on a business trip, he will call me up and we will "watch" the race or game together, talking at the same time about various stuff. We also will fold laudry or other things.

    I like to watch movies with him too...but we don't talk that much during a movie...but we will talk about it a lot after. I also like to watch tv with my kids and we discuss things as well.

    If that is ALL you do together, that would frustrate me too. Does his disibility limited him from doing other things? I have a friend whose husband is a little the same way. Sometimes if my husband and I feel that things are getting away from us and we are not doing enough together, we will do something simple, like put all the kids in the van and just go grocery shopping or run errands. Not very exciting, but we are together.

    One thing I do with my son is to go on a drive with him if we need some alone time to talk.....

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit