OK, I've been on here for a week now, so I should start a thread...'bout time...
This kind of stems from the problem that set my doubt blender on puree to begin with. About nine months ago, my wife (who I was separated from for two years) confessed to sleeping around. My parents (who were housing her up) kicked her to the curb and she and my son went to live with her parents a considerable distance away.
She was disfellowshipped (It wasn't a one time thing), and started trying to get back in. Her parents took care of her and then...she called the dude back up and paid for his bus ticket. He spent about five months there, knocked her up and wasn't abusive to my son per se, just not very nice.
I got my son that summer and spent two months with him. He went from crabby and frightened to back to his little boy self during that time. I had heard nothing but bad things about the boyfriend from everyone (My ex wasn't talking at all), he wasn't working and didn't even have a H.S. Diploma.
She had signed a waiver not to contest the divorce. I wasn't going to push for custody, but I felt I had to do somehting...at least install a safety valve. I had my lawyer put custody in there. Underhanded, sure, but I wasn't just going to let things get worse with this guy around. I told no one.
She kicked him out, then let him right back in. Again, I wasn't hearing anything. She had cut herself off from her parents (all involved except the boyfriend are witnesses) and I was worried. I got the divorce with custody.
The now ex got a copy of the final decree. Needless to say, I soon heard from everyone involved. I reassured her and everyone that I wasn't going to take the boy away unless things were really bad or I had not heard anything of what was going on. She asked if I would be acting any different if her man had been a witness, and I said no: The only thing I care about is him in a stable home, and told her I would rather he be in a stable home in the world than a destructive one in the organization. She began to assure me that he had changed and he was now treating everyone better. Her parents had almost the same reaction.
My Parents wanted me to get my son NOW. My father thought the most important thing was for him to get in a Witness home. I told him that I'm the dad here, I'll make the decisions, and I'll only get him out if I know for a fact that it's bad for him. If he's in a happy home, I'm happy. Jealous that I'm not there, but still happy. I felt like Tony Soprano trying to kep his boys in line.
I'm hoping that I don't have to pull the trigger on this, and I think that this will open up the lines of communication and let me know how things are going. I talk to my son twice a week and try to get a feel for the situation, and it seems OK.
Well, team, any thoughts on my little tightrope dance?