Playing The Hand You Are Dealt

jst2laws

My wife and I were DF'd about six months ago as apostates after our combined 88 years in the organization (I love borrowing WT methods of making figures impressive). I look back now at age 55 and wonder what it might have been like to have left younger, like 25. At 23 I had my first GREAT DISILLUSIONMENT. Why did I wait another 27 years?

If it were not for the WT perhaps I would have gone to college as I had planned instead of to Bethel for six years. Perhaps I would have started my business a decade earlier in life rather than spend ten years in the 'fulltime preaching work'. Perhaps I would not have raised my children in the Midwestern rurals serving where the 'need is great' instead of in a more affluent, progressive environment.

But all matters considered I do not mind being who I am, and who I am is the result of my total life experience, good and bad. What we have experienced in life contributes to our bank of wisdom and molds our perspective.

To change one thing could change everything.

You may be thinking, "but I have been injured, my family has been damaged by the WT". I too am angry that my father died for lack of a transfusion and my little brother died needlessly at eighteen years of age, both attributable to the WT. But this is what the WT did to them, not to me. Whether or not this cripples me emotionally is up to me. You see, I'M NOT DEAD YET. What they have done to my relatives and countless others affects me emotionally and deeply but I do not have to allow it to ruin my life or handicap me in any way. What a shame to miss out of one more day blaming others for robbing us of life. I read a great 'saying' once that said (paraphrased):

Play the cards you are dealt in life. Some, rather than play the game, spend their life demand they be dealt a new hand.

If you are reading this, you must admit to yourself: "I'm not dead yet". So your angry, you have sad memories, missed opportunities. But you could have joined Jim Jones or David Korish. NOPE, We're Not Dead Yet. And now you have your life to make of it what you want. Should we keep complaining about the hand we were dealt or PLAY THE GAME? Yes, I expect some will work me over for this. Steve

RunningMan

Good post.

We, as ex-Witnesses, lament our missed opportunities and blame the society for many things.

But, this idea can apply to anyone. There isn't a person anywhere in the world who hasn't experienced some problem - many of which were far greater than we have faced.

As you mentioned, we are the sum total of our life experiences. Part of who we are today was molded by the organization. If we like ourselves, then part of what we like came from them. If we don't like ourselves, well, like they say, today is the first day of the rest of your life. Fix it.

Simon

I know what you mean ... there are things I could have / would have done. It would have been nice to have the chance and opportunities to at least make my own decisions more.

I too 'almost' left about 10 years before I actually did.

But would I change who I am and where I am? No. I have a great wife and two fantastic kids and we're happy. I know the things I have gone through will help them because I can teach them a bit more about things that otherwise I may have been ignorant of.

The wasted investment in friendships that have been taken away is annoying but we've since made better / more genuine friends.

Life is a rollercoaster - you aim to enjoy the ride and not get to anywhere in particular.

Valis

Steve...everyone buys their ticket and takes their ride man. Just like evrytime you get on your bike, you decide to take that ride. People who leave the JWs are no different. It is heartbreaking to be shunned and have a fucked up family, but sometimes we just gotta get on gettin on...It is a great thing that we have this place and other websites to help make the ride smoother.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

blondie

It's only too late when you're dead.--Malcolm Forbes

Special K

Sounds like you have done alot of healing since you left...

Wasn't there a time when you were angry? ..feeling ripped off? etc...

I think the goal for me when I left J.W.'s was to eventually work through all those emotions that I felt..like anger, hurt, abandonment, ..grieving etc.... AND THEN...get to where you are..

Acceptance of who I am now.. and the ability to forge ahead in my own path, making the deicision I need to make for me and my family.

I don't know if you'll get much flack from your topic...It all sounded like a progressive posting to me..

I'd say..Go and be free, my friend..but your post tells me you already have done that.

sincerely

Special k

Lady Lee

Well stated Steve/Jst2laws well said

amac

Great post and responses. This attitude can be applied to everything in life and a good way to work on being happy, despite your circumstances.

My parents screwed up a lot in raising us, and my siblings can't seem to forgive them or get over it to this day. Now that I'm a parent I know for a fact that I will screw up somehow in my parenting and can only appreciate that my parents tried their best and I just have to deal with my screwed up childhood and make the best of it.

AnnOMaly

I agree with you, Just2laws.

It's one thing to think we could've done some stuff differently - everyone must have those feelings - but once the initial emotional upheaval has gone, it's destructive to hang onto regret and bitterness.

Life is one long learning curve. The important thing is to learn and move on.

anglise

Yes I agree with you but it still makes it hard to come to terms with.

When we as individuals took on the beliefs of the WTBTS wether as a young adult getting baptized into it or an adult having had a "bible study" we in effect took on a life without death. Our own mortality went into - we hoped and prayed - permanent remmision.

Now having learnt to see the TRUTH about the JW teachings those of us who have left have taken on a terminal life.

A difficult thing to explain to someone who never really believed.

Coming to terms with that after maybe many years is very very hard.

No we cant keep looking back and apportioning blame and ham stringing ourselves to the past.

But there is life after the borg, and you are right "we are not dead yet"

Anglise

Playing The Hand You Are Dealt

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