Help - I'm in Love (page 2)

Downdog01

This site is great.
You people have been a huge help!
Thank you all.
Downdog01

We've all given you 'text book' answers, based on our own experiences. But only you are in the unique position of knowing your friend's situation and personality. If she trusts you and is perhaps attracted to you that could help, or it could make her feel that she is 'betraying' God and her family. So I think I'm all suggestioned out.

I didn't ask for any advice, I simply followed my emotions. We started our married life with my husband still half in the cult and me printing out copious amounts of literature from the web. He thought that I was belittling him for falling for the JW claptrap, but I was simply trying to remove its grip on his mind. This caused major fallout and we were both floundering.

Using photocopies of back issues of Watchtowers (Randy's site), I showed him some of the more ridiculous and obviously cultish things the WTS had said. He finally, some 5 years after meeting me, accepted that it was a cult. Now that we are viewing life from the same perspective, our relationship is great!

This technique won't work with anyone who's psychologically dependent on the WTS. His widowed mother is still a zealous JW. She claims that our back issues are fakes produced by a rival group and thinks that Satan is prompting us to lie to her.

This religion has damaged the whole family. Her other son is consumed with hate for her, my husband has to control his contempt for the WTS whenever he sees her and the rest of the family thinks she's a loon. I've been following Steve Hassan's advice in an attempt to build a rapport with her. It's been very successful so far and I'm determined to restore our family. That could take longer than the time I have left on this planet, but we're in it for the long haul.

Let us know how you get on with your reading.

Sunbeam
xxx

Downdog01

Hi Sunbeam,
Thank you again for all your help!
One question; how did you even get married if he was still "half in" WTTBS?
Is that forbidden or just REALLY frowned upon?
Thanks,
Downdog

Law

Im in the same situation. Everyone is telling not to get involved but I just cant. I love her too much. Im catholic and still am. But if you love her that much. I say go for it cause thats what im going to do to. What ive found out is the theres only two ways your life will work with her. Either you convert or she converts. There is no other way. Good Luck.

Law

rob

DD01,
I have been in the same situation. I was an active JW when I met my non-JW husband. He was a customer in the health food store that I manage. I was in the throes of a rancorous divorce from my once JW ex who pretty much managed to destroy me emotionally and financially. Into my life waltzes this kind, beautiful man who loves me, JW or not. We kept things quiet for as long as we could, but the news got out that I had been seen with a "worldly" man. At this point all hell broke loose. I started getting daily phone calls from the Presiding Overseer. Those became daily visits, very morning at about 9 AM. (I think they thought that they would catch Gary there in his bathrobe...never happened.) My then best friend, a Witness, then decided to pop out for a surprise visit. She found Gary having dinner with my daughters and I. You would have thought I was a serial killer. The pressure from the elders kept increasing until they told me that I could no longer be a part of the congregation if I continued to see my now husband. Then without further ado or a letter from me, they disassociated me and made it plain to my friends and family that it was because I was a highly immoral individual. Wth the exception of my parents, none of my family will speak to me. I have lost total contact with all of the my childhood friends.

Do I regret any of this? Hell, no. I would not want to relive the pain, but such a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. The biggest reward of all is that I am married to Gary(our first anniversary is next week), who is a most wonderful hsuband and father to my daughters.

Just be prepared, if you and this lovely lady pursue a relationship, that it may be at a great price to her. If you are as kind a man as you seem to be, you will be worth that price.

Carmel

I think the guy on H20 answered best when he compared your situation to petting a rattlesnake! If you have the right imune system, go for it. Trouble is, mammals with such are about as common as virgin birth!

carmel

Sunbeam

DD

You asked how we managed to get married at all. When I said he was half in, I meant that my husband still wanted to be considered a JW (he viewed the prospect of being df'd with horror), still thought that they alone had 'the truth' and still carried the blood card. In other words, he was still a JW psychologically.

But he was leading a double life - lots of friends on the outside, liked worldly music, hated the meetings and all the rules and reg's and hypocrisy and was drifting away. Eventually this side of him won. The elders didn't bother us as he hadn't been showing up for meetings for some time. It was the same story with his witness friends. Very loving.

So although he was married to me, I felt that the borg still had some power over his mind.

If you attempt to help your friend, this will be an emotional rollercoaster for you. You could be the knight in shining armour that rescues her from the evil WTS so that you live happily ever after, like Rob and Gary. But as other posters have warned you, it may not go the way you want it too, so you need to be prepared for possible heartbreak too.

Sunbeam
xxx

thinkers wife

I beg your pardon Rob?! I considered us chilhood when we met!! You haven't lost me!!!!
I'm like a bad penney I just keep rolling back!
TW

Mr Magoo

Hi' DD01,

I've been in the same situation as you, and is now married to a lovely JW woman.

I've shown my family in law that I'm not an "easy target" but have never spoken bad about their religion (when they were listening).

I have a great relationship with my wifes family. They are really sweet people. But this might have something to do with me beeing very flexible and attend a meeting every once in a while.

From what you've written, I understand that you too are willing to let this lady continue her religion, and that is in my oppinion a very wise disicion.

But be aware of the fact that your hidden agenda (potentially getting her out), will create secrets between you and her. And secrets are in my oppinion something to avoid on a relationship. I personally often think of "my secrets" when speaking to my wife and/or her familly, and really have to try hard not to let them now that "I now better".

On day I will present my wife with some of the stuff I've learned about the WTBTS - and everything might change. You will be kept up to date here - but it might not be in the near future.

I wish you the best of luck.

Take care
Mr Magoo

rob

Sorry, Pammy (Thinker's Wife). We have been friends since childhood and I sire haven't lost ya!

Help - I'm in Love

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