by franklin J 39 Replies latest jw friends
Invictus:
our kids had their eyes opened wide and the middle one just asked :" you mean we are going to be normal kids?" ,and then they all started jumping and hugging each other.
That actually brought tears to my eyes. I am so happy for you and your family.
Arghhhhhhhhhh!!! I hated being the oddball in school. I think it made school very hard for me and turned me into an introvert when my extrovert side was screaming to come out. I am sad to admit that I raised my kids the same way...I think actually that may constitute some sort of child abuse! But we are out now...my younger son was never baptized and my older son is just going "through the motions" and not doing that very well. We have talked about this and I have apologized to them but they tell me I was just doing what I thought was best for them at the time; just like my mom thought it was best for me at the time. Boy...I LOVE those kids! We don't celebrate the holidays now that we're "out"...but if my kids were smaller (they're 26 and 21 now)...I think I would celebrate everything just so they could have a normal childhood.
Yup...I sure do remember. Cathy L.
xjw b12
you know at that point we as parents realized that if we stayed jws, we would for sure sometime in the future loose our children( in jws terminology ) to the "world", because that statement and reaction from our kids showed that they were not at all comfortable with the life we were living.
Later, they started to bring all those valentine cards and toys they received from their classmates which they were hiding from us from fear that we`ll made them throw it all away.
That day , our children taught us a lesson.
I was raised "in the truth" so I didn't know any different, but I did feel left out at holidays and birthdays. Mom and Dad made sure that I was compensated at the after-Christmas sales and I felt superior because I got more toys since they were on sale. I would secretly sing "Happy Birthday" to myself because I felt like birthdays were special times. And once when I was about five years old I quietly grabbed hold of a Christmas ornament on a department store tree and found out, to my embarassment, that they are indeed made of glass and break quite easily. No one noticed, thank goodness!
Watching my children explore the holiday traditions and experiencing them for myself is pure joy!
Nina
invictus, I'm with xjw...that made me cry......
and I'm so happy for your family.
Love....April
I am the youngest of 3 brought up by an elder father and unbeleiving mother. My two older brothers have been in 'the truth' since my Day joined when they were about 6 & 7 yrs old (just before I was born). I have never attended meetings as my mom fought tooth and nail to keep me with her but I did have to endure bible studies at home whenever mom went out. I lived a sort of half life when it came to birthdays etc. I never had an actual birthday party but would have a 'tea party' about 2 months afterwards - whats the difference? I wasn't allowed into assemblies until I was about 13 yrs old and just went in anyway. I couldn't take part in christmas plays etc but my mom would smuggle in my best dress for xmas parties at school and we would write xmas cards on meeting nights so my dad didn't know I was sending them. I never went to birthday parties or joined the choir or brownies - I was really left out because all my friends were 'wordly' as I didn't go to the meetings so didn't have any friends in 'the truth'.
The real hypocrisy even now is that my mom always made sure we had christmas - turkey dinner, presents, crackers etc and my dad and brothers have always accepted the gifts and eaten the food!! The other hypocrisy was that all the time my dad thought my friends were a bad influence on me it was by brothers 'very good family, high standing' friend who at the age of 21 had his hands down my knickers every week - I was 10 yrs old.
So the effect all this has had on me is that my kids have massive birthday parties every year and more christmas presents than you can shake a stick at as well as gifts at other times.BTW I don't let any witnesses near my kids unless I'm with them - can't think why!!
Welcome, neverin!
Nina
Well the holdiays were not big deal to me. If anything is was just a normal day. I would get heated when I would get sent to the princpals office for not standing during the flag salute. Every week I would be at that office explaining my beliefs. Not only was I a minority in the literal sense by being the only black child in an all white school, but I had to prove I was different. I felt like a freak out of nature.
personal freedom was more important than conformity or popularity .
Ah, but not celebrating holidays because you were a JW is still ALL about conformity. Try celebrating these things due to your own personal belief that these are not inherently evil and see how long you last at the KH.
I hated having to feel different. Not only did we have to deal with the normal problems of growing up (self esteem, developing our personalities) but we had to color different pictures than everyone else at holiday times or leave early if there was a party, stand like a dummy when they saluted the flag. And the excruciating time to hand the new teacher the school brochure every year through elementary scool. Having all the excited kids ask :"What did you get for christmas?" when we got back from vacation, and having to mumble "nothing" and fire off the "we get gifts other times" answer.
I look at my sons and think of how thankful I am that they wll never know that horrible left out feeling that I did. And what a joy to watch them enjoy all that I missed out on!
