How come it still hurts?

jesussaves

I just shared some good news with a JW who I considered a good friend in and out. I just inked a two book publishing deal with an imprint of Warner Books. The publisher specializes in Christian fiction which is what I write. Now my friend or I should say ex-friend knows that I left over six years ago and have no intentions of ever coming back. Here's how our conversation went:

Me: A____ give me your email address so I can send you the first chapter of my book. I want to know what you think.

Him: I'm not reading any gospel.

Me: It's not gospel, it's just fiction with no cursing or sex scenes.

Me: You won't read my book but you'll read and write pornographic poetry and watch porno movies. How ironic. JWs man.

Him: You are JW

Me: nope. I am an ex-Jehovah's Witness.

Him: You're Just Weak.

Me: I'm weak? I leave everyone I ever knew and have my closest family members shun me and that makes me weak? I don't think so. I just don't believe the doctrine, and I really never did. I just enjoyed my social life. I got baptized because my friends were baptized. Now that was weak. If I'm so weak why didn't I just do the easy thing and stay?

My ex-friend doesn't respond, he just rudely logs off instant messenger without even saying goodbye. It was like slamming the phone down in my face. How come JWs think it's ok to make comments about other people's religions and feel justified in doing it. I have a beautiful family and friends and I'm becoming very successful. How come I can't just be happy and get rid of all this JW baggage.

Sorry everybody, just ranting.

Tiffany

SanFranciscoJim

Hi Tiffany,

First of all, congratulations on your publishing deal! I am also a writer, and have my first science fiction novel due off the presses within the next few weeks.

How come JWs think it's ok to make comments about other people's religions and feel justified in doing it.

JWs have always been taught "Religion is a snare and a racket", but fail to look in the mirror when they say those words. Perhaps you should send your friend a rafter extractor for their eye before they do any more damage to yours by trying to pull that little splinter out.

How come I can't just be happy and get rid of all this JW baggage.

I don't know how long you've been away from the Organization. I've been gone 23 years. Believe me, it does pass! First, you have to allow yourself to go through the entire grieving process. Losing a system of faith (with all the friends and acquaintences that go along with it) is not much different than losing a loved one in death. You will go through periods of denial, anger, resentment, confusion, and finally acceptance. Allow yourself the whole process. Remember: grieving is a process, not an event.

jesussaves

Thank you! I've been out for almost seven years. Usually I'm okay, until I run into or see a JW that I used to be really close with and they shun me. It also hurts when I see a JW that doesn't shun me, because I feel like I abandoned everyone in my life. How can they be so hypocritical and not see it. It's best for me to just not have any contact with them at all, but that is impossible. My sister hasn't spoken to me in two years and hasn't even seen my youngest two children. That hurts. Well, my ex-friend that I was chatting with is gone. I'm never talking to him again. He can't be a friend if he doesn't respect my feelings at all. Yes....I am still grieving.

shera

(((((((((jesussaves)))))))))))

maybesbabies

Congrats on the book, JS!!!! I think that, as SFJim said, it IS like losing a loved one, and the hurt never truly goes away, but it does lessen with time, especially when you no longer have fresh reminders of the pain. I think people in general have a hard time facing their own hypocrisy, and that's just human nature. But, since the Organization is so against human nature, I think they are occasionally more prone than others to judge without taking a good look at them selves. BTW, I am in OH too, feel free to PM me.

chester

Tiffany,

Check your Private messages.

shamus

Witnesses who cannot answer your question will do one of the following things:

1) I'll look that up and get back to you... they never do.

2) Assume that your question means that you are persecuting them.

It is sad, but not on your end. Your ex is sad. And yes, it must still hurt. I would say just don't even bother talking to him again. You don't need to hear that kind of mind-control nonsense that you are weak. You are courageous!

Shamus.

invictus

hi Tiffany,

first congratulation on your publishing deal

regarding your friend - don`t even waste any energy on peple like that; in my experience all my jw friends would always find a way to undermine anything I do, for them to feel secure they need to put someone down.

for hurt, yes it does hurt because you have feelings and you care, but friends like jws do not.

all the best with your book,

invictus

Joyzabel

hi Tiffany,

congratulations on your book.

Because you are a thinking person and can see how real friends are suppose to care and treat one another, it hurts because we still have the silly notion that our jw"friends" care about us. They don't. They are just slaves to a publishing corporation. All natural feelings are drummed out of them quite effectively. Work through the hurt and become a better person yourself. Rise above the hurt, if you can. Otherwise, we are here to know how you feel and sympathize.

Hugs,

j2bf

Phantom Stranger

Sounds like you were expecting a JW to not act like one. I have these situations where I unconcsiously want people to value me, and their relationship with me, more than they value the religion. It doesn't happen, and I am setting myself up to lose when I do that. Doesn't make their behavior right, understand, but if I'm expecting them to act differently than they ever have and I am hurt when they don't, I have a greta deal of responsiblity for creating that situation in my own head.

It's not easy, but those relationships are easier now that I consciously manage my expectations of them - and I have gone out and created more relationships that are stronger and deeper.

Love and doughnuts,

PS

How come it still hurts?

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