Sex,Sex, and more Sex????

morty

Now that I have your attention,I would like to know if some of you experienced teenage parents could give me some advice.You see I have a teenage boy.He is going to be 15 real soon.The topic sex has come up many times in the past and I usally just pass it off to his dad.( I think that that is dads territory..lol)I have to say we have a pretty good open communication when it comes to most things.This weekend though,My husband says he is going to actually buy him some condoms and show him how they work.My problem is this.(a) My son knows that we really think that sex should be saved for the one you love. I know that things can just happen.It was not to long ago that my husband and I were teenagers.But if we are really saying please dont have it till your ready and were showing him how the condom works,is that not saying have sex but do it carefully? This whole thing is just really putting me over the edge.The second concern I have is...if we dont show him how the condoms work and he ends up with std's,a baby or the worse i imagine, AIDS ,I would be devastated.I just feel, I am damed if I do and damed if I dont.What is the right way to handle this? I would like to think that we raised our boy in the proper way and I have to let him leave the nest some time,but do you think it is to early to be showing him how to use a condom?...The bottem line is,I just feel like we are giving him permission to have sex! .....So how do I go about saying NO SEX,BUT HERE IS A CONDOM JUST IN CASE?

TRYING TO KEEP SANE............

MORTONS68

heathen

Now that's a cruel way to get attention .

Swan

In this case I think the old adage "better safe than sorry" applies. If you ask him to wear a seat belt when driving, it doesn't mean you expect him to hot rod and drive into a tree. It just shows you care about his safety if he does lose control. Showing him how to use a condom doesn't mean you expect him to have sex either. It just shows you care about his safety if he does lose control.

Tammy

Mac

Delicate, sensitive subject isn't it? I had already left the witnesses by the time my boys were "coming of age" so I no longer was pushing the Society take on morality. As far as usage instructions.....they are on the box and wrapper as well..........I assume your son can read. As far as preferences you would have as to the ideal age, time, girl., status,.etc....... He's gonna do what he's gonna do.....we all did what we did...that's life. You lead by example. My suggestion is to discuss freely in front of your children your views without mandating . They are more influenced by example, respect, and logic not force fed them than you can ever imagine. Trust them....and if they don't do things exactly as you would have them. do...forgive them........try to understand them and look deeply within them...I'll bet you just might see a little bit of you in there.........the person you were, the one that had to absorb and grow.....the one who experienced life...filtered it's contents and came upon some of your own conclusions.......not necessarily those of your parents.....and the circle continues to round..............

mac

Vivamus

Uhm, kids are gonna have sex anyway. So you better tell them how to do it safe. I have a 15 year old cousin, who keeps his whole sex life a big secret to his parents, but tells his cousin (me) everything. I have no interest in stopping him to have sex. He won't listen anyway, but I do tell him to be safe.

LOL, it's weird being the oldest of the cousins, being told about boy-and girlfriends by my younger relatives, who all have sex at a younger age than I did.

-

Blue Bubblegum Girl

woodland

I am sure that if your son is 15, he knows all about the birds and the bees anyway. I think the most important thing is that he is able to approach you and your husband, and discuss any issues that he has on his mind.

When it comes to sex, I certainly would of found it more helpful is my parents had listened, rather then preached!

breal

Probably a good idea for him to have a talk with you & his dad about it. Being 15 he has probably talked about this with friends. Plus some schools offer a course like health services which often time include this subject matter of sex & condoms etc...so the information is there you may want to be part of the delivery.

SixofNine

Looks like you're stuck between your brain and your heart.

Go with your brain, everytime.

The "sex only with someone you love" thing? That's your idea, not his. It's also not all that realistic. People who moralize sex suffer greatly (or their children do). You know all this already.

Abaddon

In Holland they teach kids about contraception early.

In Holland kids have sex, on average, about six months after their American counterparts. There are also 1/8th the number of teen pregnancies in Holland, when compared to the USA.

Equipping someone with knowledge that will help protect them or their partner from pregnancy and disease does not encourage them to have sex.

However, as you CANNOT stop your kid having sex if that's what he's gonna do, even if it DID encourage him, it's better he does it safely than unsafely.

If the worst possible thing happened, you would not feel good that your morals had prevented you pasing on information that could have stopped your kid screwing up his life.

cruzanheart

I agree with Swan -- great illustration about the seat belt -- and everybody else. After leaving the Witnesses (and probably before, though I didn't allow myself to think about it), I feel that virginity until marriage is a pretty good goal, but if hormones overwhelm the kids, then at least be safe about it! I don't want my daughter to be one of those who is so scared to tell me she's pregnant that she either aborts the baby or leaves it in a dumpster somewhere. I want them both to know what our expectations are but, if it doesn't work out, well, life goes on and they're still precious to me and I love them dearly and I'm not disappointed in them at all. I intend to fully educate them about protection as they get a little older (9 and 7 at the moment).

Nina

Sex,Sex, and more Sex????

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