Wedding-related dilemma: help appreciated

by comment 17 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Scully

  I think this is the answer you are looking for:

  One-minute closing scene where daughter comments that Society does not say can?t go

  So the "Society does not say" you "can't go". But what they say is designed to make you feel that it would be inappropriate to go. This is their M.O. on sooooo many things.

  Bottom line, you "can go". The "Society does not say" you "can't go".

  By the way, do you absolutely have to inform your family that you're going to this wedding? What they don't know they can't give you grief over. Personally, I wouldn't tell them. If they don't know that you're going to be in town, they'll have no reason to go checking out the Catholic weddings that day to make sure you aren't going inside the church. I don't know how many times my parents have come to the city where I live to attend JW functions without informing me that they were going to be here. I found out about the visits after the fact.

  Remember: Theocratic War Strategy? dictates that

  "While malicious lying is definitely condemned in the Bible, this does not mean that a person is under obligation to divulge truthful information to people who are not entitled to it." (Insight Volume 2, p. 245, 2nd column, 2nd paragraph - "LIE")

  Love, Scully
• 

  blondie

  I will say this based on personal experience and observation over the years, there is a difference between attending the wedding and being in the wedding party.

  The WTS will allow a DF'd person to attend a JW wedding but they cannot be in the wedding party. This shows how they look at it.

  JWs can attend weddings in a church (I have) but cannot be in the wedding party (considered participating in the false religious ceremony). There could be the possibility of being DF'd if a JW is in the wedding party.

  Of course, it is all hypocritical. It can make being a successful fader difficult.

  Blondie
• 

  Aztec

  I'm starting to think I have the most liberal JW parents ever! (Not when I was growing up of course) I was in one of my best friends very Catholic weddings and my mother helped me get ready. The ceremony I was involved in had prayers being said and candles being lit and the priest even started singing at one point, which really made me jump. There were endless cues to stand up, sit back down, stand back up which was rather confusing. I had a great time though and was glad to be there for my friend, despite spending $300 on a pukey lavender dress that I'll never wear again...LOL! My suggestion: go for it! If you're really worried just go as a guest but don't miss it completely. You'll probably regret it.

  ~Aztec

  I should probably add that I hadn't been attending meetings for years after successfully fading.
• 

  simplesally

  My sister wanted me to be in her wedding I chose to attend but not be in the wedding. They can't df' you unless you "participate" in false religion while part of the wedding party. IE: partake of communion or say a prayer at their wedding. So just tell the priest you won't be kneeling when they kneel, so can you sit? Tell him not to offer you any of the bread and wine, just to pass over you and go to the next groomsman.
• 

  Odrade

  FWIW, I got married in the KH to appease family and "friends." This meant I couldn't ask one of my closest friends to be in the wedding because she was "on reproof." So I asked a relative instead to stand up with me. I didn't particularly know this relative, but since I couldn't have my friend, it seemed a nice gesture.

  Anyways, even though I know she understood, I think it still hurt her deeply. Especially because she knew I wasn't that happy about having the obligatory KH wedding. The friendship kind of fell apart after that. I regret it.

  Do what you want to do. Would your friend really understand? Would your family really find out and turn you in?

  Just my $.02, good luck.

  Odrade
• 

  bebu

  It is my recollection that as far as Catholic communion goes, one should not receive it unless one were Catholic.

  Many people sit if they cannot/do not wish to kneel to pray (a good suggestion, btw!).

  There are many ways to be "present" for your friend without participating religiously, even in the party.

  (What would a Jewish friend do?)

  bebu
• 

  Dawn

  I would say go and enjoy yourself. But, to be on the safe side, don't tell any of your family until after the fact. Then if they say something to you - play the innocent card.....since you've been inactive just say "hu? I knew you couldn't go to church services but I didn't realize you couldn't go into a church for a wedding" - you won't get DF'd for that. Especially since the WT (as quoted above) does not support a DF'ing for it.

  Bebu - I can't speak for all Jewish people, but I have a close friend who is like a second father to me and he is Jewish. He would not go to a wedding held in a church.
• 

  Stacy Smith

  I've gotta be blunter than I usually am. This is your friend? Then be his groomsman. Show him he matters, not some screwy cult.

  Lets say they approach you. I mean you get a "get out of jail free" card just by saying your sorry to those sorry elders. Keep it hushed until you do the deed and then if you're uncovered play that card.

  Do you deserve him for a friend? Wow, he asked, there shouldn't even be a hesitation. Be his friend.