How disappointed I am..............

by morty 19 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  morty

  For those who read my post earlyer this week,on how to talk to your teenagers about sex well................that went great!

  My problem is now deeper.here I am covering all the basics,you know like sex,drugs girls and alcohol not even to stop and think about the most obvious.........smoking!

  Damn was I upset to find smokes in his jacket.Yes,you heard me right.He is smoking! Well trying it anyways.When does this end?

  He says he has just been doing it for about 2 weeks now.He also said that he is doing it to fit in.I am just so upset.I do smoke and I know its calling the pot black but I really thought he would not have any desire to do it. ( I mean he was and still is always on my back about quiting.) He has told me that he is not going to do it anymore,that he does not like it,but now I dont know if I can trust him now.Please give me some advice on how to handle this......I basically have just told him point blank that I am very disappointed in him.He has so much to offer.My first responce to him is how the hell are you going to play all your sports if you smoke?

  Well it is now 1.30 and I cannot sleep over this matter.Waiting for some advice.

  mortons68
• 

  Sassy

  Only one of my three children don't smoke. When my ex and I split up and the older boys stayed with him, they started smoking with dad. I didn't like it, but was powerless to stop it. I did say when they came to be with me, they couldn't in my home.
• 

  bebu

  Teens!!! Aaargh!!

  The good news is that he's only been doing this for 2 weeks (if he's being honest...).

  Perhaps he counted on your being softer about this, seeing that you have the habit yourself. He is likely counting on your weakness as his excuse to be weak.

  This is very hard to suggest--and harder to do, I'm sure!--but you should quit smoking yourself--for your own sake, and now for his, too. And tell him that you would be willing to do this because you realize, better than he does, what the implications of his continuing this habit are.

  If you can put your money where your mouth is, it will impress him better than a stirring sermon.

  Best of luck to you and your son; it's hard, but it CAN be done...

  bebu
• 

  morty

  Bebu,

  Yes you are right.It is hard to quit and I should.Thanks for your honsety.I did know I would get told that I should be quiting but it is a lot harder then said.I have tryed to quite many times.All I can do is try again.Like my doctor has said to me......never quit quiting.........

  sns,

  Thank-you.........I am hoping it does not come to the point that I have to tell him To smoke outside.

  mortons68
• 

  Sassy

  I am hoping for you that is the case as well. Wish I had advice for you. I don't. But you have my empathy.
• 

  Simon

  Why not offer to 'quit' together?

  If he recognises the dangers then he may be willing to give it up himself if he sees it as going to make you quit too.

  I honestly don't think talling kids not to do something that they see you doing works.
• 

  Dia

  During the relatively recent tobacco scandals, I was impressed with a comment made by a high-ranking tobacco executive and quoted in the Wall Street Journal.
  

  He said, "Nicotine is an addictive substance, useful in the short-term alleviation of stress"

  As am ex-smoker, I knew that was exactly right.

  Your son smokes for the same reason you do. And faces the same difficulty in quitting. Stop picking on him and playing holier than thou.

  It's not a 'character issue'. Cigarettes are harder to quit than almost any illegal drug.

  The only ball in your court is that, strictly from the point of physical addiction, it might be easier now than it will be at any other time in his life (because he hasn't been at it very long.)

  On the other hand, from the point of view of stressfulness, high school might be one of the very hardest times in his life he will ever face.

  I suggest you stop adding to his stress by shaming him about smoking. Let him know he's okay with you. And tho I know it will be very, very hard for you to watch, let him smoke in his home.

  Then see if there's anything else you can do to lessen the stress he faces every day. And to help him be more creative in coping with it. (I'm sure this won't be easy for you as you cope with stress the same way.)

  Maybe seeing your son smoke will better impress on you the words he has been trying to get through to you about it.

  Like I said, quitting smoking is one of the very hardest things in life that most of us will ever have to do.

  Really, really, really, really tough. But it is possible.

  (Incidentally, I've heard parenting teenagers can be pretty darn stressful, too.)

  Good luck.

  And good luck to you both..
• 

  Naebliss

  It could be worse. He could be doing heroin. You don't do that too do you?
• 

  RAYZORBLADE

  The topic discussed here is about: Smoking.

  Worldwide, it has to be one of the most addictive vices.

  We're not talking about heroin, we're discussing smoking, and Morton68's concern about it.

  Suggestions? or are we going to sarcastic and juvenile?

  Helpful comments would be benefitial right now.

  Thanks, to anyone who can offer up some words of wisdom here.
• 

  moonwillow

  ((((mortons68))) Hnag in there

  Have you ever wished your kids came with insturctions? *laugh* It sure would make it easier wouldn't it? *grin*

  I know it's hard but the best thing to do is to set an example yourself, show him and quite smoking yourself (I know it's not what you wanted to hear). Actions always speak loader than words. Any how that's my 2 cents of advice. Good Luck hope all turns out well in the end. Growing up is hard and being a prent is hard too uggg!