Do You Tend To Give People The Benefit Of The Doubt or Do You Judge Quickly

by minimus 29 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  SixofNine

  I go into real time when I don't know someone. I continually and constantly evaluate what they say, what they do. *shrug* after all, I don't know them, and how will I ever if I don't pay attention to them; asking myself (and sometimes them) why they would say what they say, why would they do what they do? It may sound a bit cold expressed as such, but I'm really only doing what everyone either does, should do, or in some cases, studiously avoids doing.

  It's helpful to remember that just because you evaluate a persons words and actions, it doesn't mean you have to negatively evaluate them, or if you see negatives, it doesn't mean you can't see the positives as well. Sure it gets tricky, but it's worth the effort. Afterall, doesn't everyone in a long term relationship at some point have to see the other person for who they really are, and accept the good and the bad? Why not sooner than later?

  I think that there are actually several loose definitions of the phrase "benefit of the doubt" and people would do well to figure out just what they mean by it. Sometimes it's a nice, smart thing to do, and often it's just naive, selfish (as in not really about the other person anyway) and dumb.
• 

  heathen

  I assume that everybody is a schmuck until they prove me wrong . which is seldom btw.
• 

  Guest 77

  One of the best ways of getting to know a person is giving them the benefit of the doubt. Guest 77
• 

  minimus

  Guest-----That is a very good comment! I generally TRY to give the benefit of the doubt as opposed to jumping to a conclusion. Usually, if you nurture negativity, it colors your whole view toward a person. But if you hold back from making an assessment, you might be pleasantly surprised that your perceptions are not all what they are cracked up to be.
• 

  stillajwexelder

  I have improved a lot since I resigned as an elder -- will now give them the benefit of the doubt -- when I was a company man (sorry appointed elder) I used to judge quickly.
• 

  minimus

  Stilla, that's because you had to. Elders were given no real wiggle room in dealing with "sins and offenses". You HAD to go by the book or you couldn't be an elder. Mercy and fairness is something only talked about---not practiced.
• 

  franklin J

  Most definitely give the benefit of the doubt...it is the American way

  ( nothing to do with the JW thinking...)
• 

  minimus

  I think some like to blame all their bad habits or viewpoints on the "truth". Whether you were a Witness or not, you might be pre-disposed to judge others.
• 

  stillajwexelder

  Stilla, that's because you had to. Elders were given no real wiggle room in dealing with "sins and offenses". You HAD to go by the book or you couldn't be an elder. Mercy and fairness is something only talked about---not practiced. MINIMUS you are correct as usual my friend -- does not stop me feeling bad about how I used to be though -- you will know my disciples if they have love amongst themselves -- this is just not practised as you point out
• 

  minimus

  Stilla, I feel good---SO GOOD---- that I'm not an elder! I don't miss it EVEN a little bit!.... Now I can exercise the freedom to be non-judgmental and show kindness to people without it hanging over my head.