bttt
What is the Best Way to Reach a Witness?
by JamesThomas 24 Replies latest jw friends
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jgnat
Being married to a JW has given me lots of practice. I have tried various methods. The catch-22 is that all coercive techniques are out-of-bounds. I mean, that is how JW's get hooked in the WTS in the first place, and what I want to encourage is freedom of decision making, freedom of thought.
What works?
- Humor. Lots of humor. Let's face it, so many of the WT rules are so ridiculous. And how my man hates to look silly.
- Sideways commenting rather than head-on attack. He brings up Trinity, I bring up Operation Samaritan's Purse.
- I encourage and support all signs of free thinking, even if it pushes him farther in to the society.
- I build his self-esteem and his spiritual self-image. I regularly reinforce that Jehovah must surely love him and care for him, even if he was late for the book study by ten minutes..
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TuningFork
Deceit. Well, not exactly.....
As I no longer live in the area or even the state I was DF'd in, these ones still come to my door. I must say though, not as often now. Anyway, I know immediately who they are. It depends on my mood and how much time I have as to what I do. Usually, I allow them to go through with their presentation. And then when they start asking questions, I give them answers that they are not prepared to hear. You know, those answers that are not on their "quick-reference cheat sheet guide". This throws them off track and they have to answer for themselves instead of the "cults" given answers. One time I got into quite a conversation with them at the door. They seemed very pleased that I was willing to talk to them, of course. After we had been talking for about 10 minutes I said, "Well you know my house is a bit messy, but why don't you come in and we can discuss this further. --- But, first I must tell you that I'm a disfellowshipped JW."WOE! That changed everything! Have you ever noticed them turn green or purple? It is at that time they begin to make their exit. You can tell by the way they have backed away from the door as if you have disquised yourself as Satan himself. Now, I must say that all of this time I've been considerate to their beliefs, however, I have "seeded" them with other possibilities. This is the way I feel good about love and compassion. I feel good about being able to give them "something to think about". When they ask, and of course they do, if I would like an elder to come see me, I adamently say NO. And then it's all over. I've been written down again as an address of a disfellowshipee and I suppose from now on only "elders" should attempt knocking at my door.
So James, this is how I reach the witness. One conversation at a time. Oh, and I always try to give them some kind of compliment on their way "backing" down the sidewalk. At least always, with a big smile and sense of confidence , "Have a great day."
I might add here...... it took me years to get to this point. I used to get severe panic attacks after they left and would cry with anger for a long time - going back over what the beliefs of the religion did to myself and my family. Now, I feel good about myself and my choices.
Sunpar (TuningFork)
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Sentinel
TuningFork,
Your post gave me a chuckle. It is so true. They are so conditioned to believe that anyone that has "been in" and is either "df'd" or "da'd" is like a living demon. They are afraid to receive our love and compassion because we just have to be tainted with evil. We are the unclean thing they must not touch.
I'm afraid that unless the JW has in essence a very good and loving heart, we will not be able to reach them. Like you, I used to cringe inside if I drove by a KH or saw them on the street, or if they were in the neighborhood. I would not answer the door. Gradually that changed with me as well. Instead of anger towards them, I felt sorry for them. My heart goes out to them, because they are devoting an awful lot of their time to this organization. They live in total guilt and fear.
I've had some good conversations, but I think instead of helping them to question and doubt, I've simply scarred them. Since I'm not df'd, they should be able to feel free speaking to me, but it seems they don't. I don't tell them anything unless they ask how come I know so much. When I tell them, it's like you said, they turn all shades of color, and begin their backward walk.
We can only reach them if they want to be reached. I don't believe a "mission" to turn them around will accomplish anything but make them even stronger for what they believe. If they do come to this forum, though, I have always felt that we should not be bashing them. I have also said that most all of us were at one time active JW's. Some of us were in deeper than others, but we were all affected. As James said, we can only hope that by taking care of each other "here" we can show them that we are good people who can live healthy lives without the borg. In many ways, Simon has dedicated this forum to the JW's in any form--active or inactive, df'd or da'd. They should feel like they can come here. Conversation is the first form of communication to get them thinking for themselves.
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fearnotruth22
For the most part, Witnesesscannot be reached bcuase any attept to challenge any belief puts them on the defensive and no way you will evr grt through to them. Believe me, I never lost a debate or a discussion as a witness and tha was because witn=esess are taught and are prepared for this sort of thing, I did my homeowrk and I belived with all of my heart,
Now, if a fellow witness tried to reach a witness, he would get nowher at all except to be repoerted as an apostate.
The only time a jw is vulnerable to re examine his jw views is if he gets angry at the wts or if a trusted and loved and respected fwllow jwtalks about issues, then and only then will a jw open his mind and lokk at things from another perspective, aAs Goph said in another thread, jws have a ceratin mind set they are in a box, they can only get out of the box on their own with clear and logical thinking. Problem is that most people dont know how to think