A HUGE REVELATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jesika

I haven't posted in a while. There is good reason for it. I have been in counseling again. So, I have been dealing with alot and haven't been able to post much lately.

For those of you who don't know me........I have a LONG history of abuse in my family.

This is what came up in therapy this past week.............

My father had this "great idea" to stop my sister and I from bitting our nails. He announced that every Friday he would check our nails for growth, and if he saw none than he would give us 5 licks with the leather belt. Every week he saw no growth it would increase 5 more. So, it went like this--one wk 5, next wk 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 36 was my final week. By this time he was pissed off it hadn't worked. Oh, forgot to mention I was 14 at the time and this was done with our pants and underwear off or down. I was FULLY developed by this point. Very humiliating

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/37768/1.ashx

I never realized that at the age of 14(or any age for that matter) and being fully developed at the time......this was considered sexual abuse at the hands of my father.

I knew inside that I didn't feel right around my father and suspected he sexually abused me.

When I went to counseling and recalled this incident to my therapist..........she was amazed at me that I saw very little into this.

I am in shock..............I am in dismay..........I am disgusted...........I can't tell anyone how I feel right now..........I just know.......I didn't deserve this and it wasn't my fault, which is VERY important for a sexual abuse survivor to know and believe.

I just wanted to share this revelation to those who maybe reading the board.....or for those who are members now..........who may have had something similar happen.......to know..........IT WAS WRONG.....IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!

I am in an inner battle with myself..........knowing then it felt wrong.......and now knowing he should have went to JAIL for it.

I am ok........am not thinking of doing anything stupid.......but just wanted to share with those who may be out there and wanting them to know.......what I didn't know at the time...................THIS WAS NOT RIGHT.......and........YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!

Thank you for reading this far, I just felt I had to share and hope it helps someone out there.

If you can press charges against someone who has hurt you like this.......DO IT....it will give you the power back.

Being silent keeps them empowered.........take the power away!!!!!! Tell someone!!

With love,

Jesika

PS...........I meant to put this in the child abuse section.......so if any MODS are reading could you move it? I want anyone surfing the board to be able to see this. Thank you

shamus

Very well said, Jesica. I read your original post where you described what your father did to you.. pretty horrific to say the least.

Yes, he should have been put in jail for it. It's just not fair for you. It's not your fault.

Keep working on your past... it's painful but the end result is a better life. I don't have the life experience to back that statement up, but someone surely will post who has.

Brian.

Jesika

Shamus,

Thank you, and to be honest..........I am GLAD you can't relate to what I said. I wouldn't wish it anyone.

Jes

shamus

That is very true, Jesica. Pain like that should not be wished upon anyone. I deal with emotional issues (depression) and that is enough... I can only think in horror as to how you physically / emotionally abused ; and how you still live and fight another day. You should be very VERY proud of yourself, Jesica. Not one word of B.S. there.

A year from now you shall look back and say thank god I went through the pain of therapy. You will see, I am sure.

William Penwell

(((((Jes))))))

My dear friend, you or no one deserves to be treated like this. Good for you. By finally talking about it you have empowered yourself. Keep up the good work. You know I am always here for you.

Love you,

Your Freind,

Will

Jesika

Shamus,

You know it is hard to not wish it on those who did it to me........but I can't condone that kind of hatred....it only hurts me.

I know ALL about depression........and it is a battle.......but I KNOW you can do it!!!!!!

Chin up sweety!! It only gets better...right?

You have made some major steps.......I know I don't have to tell you that, but I know you have.

Well all look in the mirror and know we did damn good knowing there is more to life then we were taught. That is alot. Don't under estimate it.

Thank you for reading and feel free to PM me OK?

Love,

Jes

Jesika

Thank you Will,

You have always been a GREAT friend to me, and I know you always will be.

Love,

Jes

bikerchic

(((((((((((Jesika)))))))))))

See therapy isn't so bad is it? I'm glad to see you had a break through Jes!

Hugs!

Kate Butterfly%20With%20Cocoon

Wolfgirl

I'm sorry you went through this too.

Both my parents did this to me (although the amount of times I got hit wasn't as much as you) up until I was around that age too. I was also fully developed. *sigh*

iiz2cool

(((((Jesika!)))))

There is nothing that could justify that kind of abuse! And you're right, he should have gone to jail for it. I'd like to see all abusers go to jail, and be registered as sex offenders for the protection of other children in the future. I know it's difficult to relive these experiences when going for counselling, but in the long run it will help. Thank you for posting your experiences. They're very helpful for all of us here who have experienced some form of abuse. You're helping victims see that it is not their fault, as they have been conditioned to feel, and that recovery IS possible.

Walter

A HUGE REVELATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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