by cyberguy 29 Replies latest jw experiences
Hey there, just jumped on but I had to reply to you.
I am not sure what your beliefs are currently but I do know this...Satan WANTS you to get depressed and give up on life because of all of this. I know it is hard, as my husband is an ex-JW. However, God may have a huge purpose in your newly found light. Give Him time and let Him lead you. He may use you to bring other people out of that terrible cult. Hang in there, by first hand experience, I know things will get better....
Dear Cyberguy, Please Please get really pissed off at your family members who are treating you like S&%#. You have been treated in an unacceptable manner. Talking, reasoning just won't work, don't bang your head against the wall --- imagine you're banging HIS head against the wall. Dubs remain ignorant because they want to stay stupid. If they were really checking to make sure of all things then they wouldn't shut down intellectually. Very sad for them to lose a family member like you, very very sad.
I know the depression of people turning away from you when you love them so much. Of course strange things can happen, you never know what will spark his brain (or not). There are lots of people on this forum who know your pain. I know that doesn't make it better. Your depression is real and I hope you at least talk w/ a doctor about it.
Panda Hugs for {{{Cyberguy}}}
(((((((Cyberguy)))))))
How agonizing, the way he can treat his relationship with you like tripe. You have every right to be angry here! Yet, I hope that you will finally forgive him for what he doesn't realize he's doing. It will also help heal you.
You actually did fairly well with your brother! I am so glad that you were able to deliver the bombshell, even if it doesn't 'explode' for him immediately. I'm praying that it does, and he and his family will leave the WTS, finally recognizing that you were right all along, and that you have been a better brother than he.
I think the hardest part of speaking up the truth is the waiting... waiting for your vidication. So let us support you now: You are finally standing in the right place! You are finally speaking what is true. Don't be moved from this place; determine to live here with dignity and grace, even though it is presently feeling so rough and ragged. Many here are learning (struggling!) to be patient like you.
Keep loving him, thru it all.
bebu
As I read it He d/f you! but the door may re open again. I salute your courage because I have kept what I know to myself to keep family peace. My conscience bugs me for that .
We can use the principle from 1 Cor 7.16 that the WT is fond of quoting
"Wife, how do you know but that you will save your husband?"
Who knows , he may take the challenge to disprove you and then join the ranks of those outside.
I am reminded of the lines from the Master's Notebook which is contained in Richard Bach's book Illusions.
"The ties that bind families together are not of blood, but of joy and respect in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof."
You may wish to consider just who your real family is. You have, in effect, sent your blood brother to hell(separation). The problem with that is that he takes a piece of you with him. Your blood brother is just as much a victim as you were. The difference is only in the timing. You got your eyes open first. Getting angry and cutting him off defeats the desirable goal of helping him see the ugly truth about the WTBTS.
Unfortunately I think I will be in the same position as you soon, I too have a brother and was planning to visit him in the spring in Florida, take the kids to see their cousin, and stay with him. I am almost positive that I won't be allowed in his home once he finds out what I have been up to....(birthdays, halloween, etc.) I don't know how I will tell my children they can not see their cousin there, it will be hard.
Please remember that it will be hard for your family too, even though they might not act like it, they are in pain because of not being able to talk to you. They will put on a front "with strength from Jehovah" and will act like they are mad at you, or that you don't exist anymore, but believe me, they are in pain too, because of what they have been taught. There are others who understand you and will be there for you, perhaps you will find someone who you can be close to and spend time with who will be like family to you. That's what I am trying to do now, make some close friends who will have me and my husband and children over to spend Thanksgiving with!
Take care,
Redneckgurl
Hello Cyberguy,
you said:
had to DF my brother a few days ago! I'm REALLY depressed now! You don't know how much! I just wanted to visit him and my family late December. Anyway, he said, "WE DON?T WANT YOU HERE!" I asked, "WHY," and he said, "because you have negative feelings toward the organization!"
Whatever transpired between you is, judging by the 'conversation', a family row and you are both feeling p'd off with one another. Unless your brother is really a mindless WT lobotomised Zomboid, blood really is thicker than water and he is probably feeling just as depressed as you are. There is a stand-off and someone has to back down so it may as well be you. You may say, 'Why the hell should I blah blah blah'. This is a good and valid question, but one that only you can answer. The fact that you have posted this occurance on the board says to me that you are a thinking and feeling individual, one that knows really what it is that he has to do and that, yes, I am right, and you will be the one to make the first conciliatory call. So accept that scenario and then think how you will approach it - you might be able to turn this to your advantage.
You could try some of the following:
First Decide what you want to achieve - assume reconcilliation.
Apologise for slaming down the phone and that you felt aggrieved by what he said
Reassure him that you love him - he is your brother after all
Explain that you don't want to be at odds with him but explain that you have to discuss your differences and that you must both agree to differ, if that has to be the case. Try and remember that most JW fear thinking that is outside the box, away from their comfort zone. This frightens them and causes them to become overly defensive, deploying all the WT 'safeguards'.
Remember when you were a JW how you wanted to shoot down all and every doctrine, every cherished belief of others that did not line up with WT thinking? What was the reaction of those you spoke to. Just like your brothers - am I right?.
So, tailor what you say - you don't want to blow him away, just get him to think. Raise a question in his mind - his curiosity will do the rest - hopefully.
On the other hand if your brother really is a mindless WT lobotomised Zomboid, then you have to deal with that fact and get on with your life.
Eitherway your happiness depends on how you let it affect you. No-one has the right to make you feel miserable and if you have done all you can to remedy the situation then the fault is with someone else, let them be miserable, not you. Hope it helps. It did for me.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{cyberguy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Keep your chin up. You did a right thing. You are one step closer to get free from the cult. I've been in your position before. It's going to get better. Don't try to hang onto your soon-to-be-ex-friends. Get a lot of supports from here in this board and other friends and families who are not jws.
Good luck to you and the best wishes!
sunshineToo
ahhh. I'm sorry to hear about your pain. The way this religion divides families is the what bothers me the most. Your damned if you do and damned if you don't. To keep people you love in your life you have to what? believe or pretend to, something you don't. Its sad. Family should be thicker than anything but not in this faith. Its ironic because when I was in, my dad wanted nothing to do with me because I was one and now that I will gain my dad back I'll lose my mom. Something is wrong with a picture in which family members are torn apart.
I'm sorry about your brother. We're here for you.
{{{{{{{{ Cyberguy }}}}}}}}}}}}}
I sent you a PM.
Heather
