Dealing my own sexual abuse

by Valis 24 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  Valis

  I've mentioned it a few times, but between the ages of 5-7 I had my two female cousins living with me. My parents were doing them a favor by letting them live there, but what they didn't know was the prior sexual abuse and molestation by members of their/our family...Well, it is in my opinion the trickle down theory of abuse and I also know and remember doing some of the same things with my own siblings even a couple years after they weren't there any more.. I often ask myself. Am I responsible for that? Does this make me a potential pedophile now? I would never think of such a thing, but does the potential always follow you like you were some monstrous pedophile or do you just let it pass and remember from whence you came? I would like some of the men who have experienced sexual abuse to give me their perspective and of course comments from the ladies are always most welcome. I'm not sure why I decided to bring this up besides seeing threads about JWs having to take in family members and so forth. Not that what I have been reading about today has anything to do with my case, but I would imagine that in my case, my parents were more than willing to help my cousins, but were in no way able to face or deal with any of the consequences that might entail. Have a good evening everyone and thanks for any feedback on this topic.

  Sincerely,

  Dsitrict Overbeer
• 

  think41self

  Hi Valis,

  Not sure if I understand your question correctly, but if I'm reading it right you're asking if childhood sexual experimentation is the same as pedophilia? No. Doing things as a child, WITH other children...even if they were things that would be considered "outside of the norm" for children your age(because of the abuse by adults upon your cousins) is still not the same.

  If you as a grown man looked at little children and were sexually stimulated by them...then you would have a problem. And no, I don't think sexual experimentation by children is nearly as damaging as abuse by an adult. Just my opinion.

  Tracy
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  Lady Lee

  (((Valis)))

  Children will copy what they have been taught. And there is a period of time where most children whether they were abused or not will do a certain amount of experimenting. Don't be too hard on yourself.

  Most survivors make conscious choices to not abuse others once they are old enough to realize what they are doing. There are many factors that contribute to a child victim growing up to be an abuser. Somewhere I have the list based on some pretty solid research. I will see if I can find it.
• 

  Beans

  Valis, I can't imagine how hard it is for you to post such an experience of your life, this truley is brave yet very thought provoking. I believe as children we are not subject to the proper thought as we are still learning to make decisions, to me this was a learning curve in your adolesence and now you do have the sense of mind to make the proper ones whatever the issue is because you are able to disifer with a developed conscience.

  Beans
• 

  flower

  You are either are a sick pedofile or you arent. You arent.
• 

  Lady Lee

  I found what I was looking for. You can find this article at

  http://www.paedosexualitaet.de/lib/Finkelhor1984/c4.html

  I have the book so if you want further explanation I can get further details for you. The following is the part about predators

  Need for a Multifactor Analysis

  Another problem in the literature on sexual abusers is that few theories have tried to address the full complexity of the behavior. [...]

  [...] Our reading of the literature on sexual abusers suggests that this organizing framework consists of four separate underlying factors that theories are attempting to explain. These appear to be four components that contribute, in different degree and forms, to the making of a child molester. Formulated as questions, these factors are:

  1. Why does a person find relating sexually to a child emotionally gratifying and congruent.
  2. Why is a person capable of being sexually aroused by a child?
  3. Why is a person blocked in efforts to obtain sexual end emotional gratification from more normatively approved sources?
  4. Why is a person not deterred by conventional social inhibitions from having sexual relaionshhips with a child?

  We call these factors "emotional congruence," "sexual arousal," "blockage," and "disinhibition," respectively. The first three factors explain how a person develops a sexual interest in a child or children in general. The last factor explains how this interest is translated into actual behavior.
• 

  safe4kids

  (((((((Travis)))))))

  Since you told me on the phone the other night that you are now my very own internet stalker, I'm sending you a PM that I hope you will take advantage of. And to answer your question, just based on what you've said in your thread, NO, you don't sound like a pedophile or situational child molestor, my friend.

  Dana
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  Valis

  Well, I've come to think that it hasn't affected my life to much degree, but I still remember it. I think that is what bothers me the most. I suppose more than anything that it scares me that past members of my family were older sexual predators and I was around them all the time. Thanks for your comments and perhaps this will help some other of the guys out there that it has happened to. It aint easy coming out to say anything about it, but I do think that sexualization at an early age eventually has an effect on how you deal with relationships later on. Or I might be full of it..at least I have some peeps to bounce ideas off of. Thanks again.

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
• 

  Valis

  I should of also mentioned that they were teenagers at the time, both in high school.

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
• 

  Panda

  I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I know that sexual curiousity is normal. We also had 2 girl cousins come to live with us. Their Mom had polio and was often in a hospital for treatments. Let me tell you this story my 2 cousins told me:

  Both girl cousins were young teenagers. One of my 5 brothers (a year younger than the youngest cousin) tried to get into first one then the others underpants while they were sleeping. Eventually, he began to molest me. I wasn't much older than 2.