From heavy-handed morality to no morality

by logansrun 23 Replies latest jw friends

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  waiting

  It is an almost knee-jerk reaction for someone coming out of a high-control group like the JWs to automatically throw all caution to the wind and act in a self-destructive manner. (Unless one goes from one HC group to another, that is) - Bradley

  Well, that's your opinion. But I haven't know anyone in reality to "throw all caution to the wind and act in a selft-destructive manner." People I've known locally just went on with their lives, as best they could.

  My kids all left the jw's before we did - married, divorced, college, law school, coming out gay, having babies.........all those things.......which is what we perceive regular (ok adjusted) people doing too.

  People I've met on line & at xjw gatherings? Haven't heard of anyone acting as you stated. Perhaps some do - but perhaps it's an urban myth too.

  waiting
• 

  Englishman

  It is an almost knee-jerk reaction for someone coming out of a high-control group like the JWs to automatically throw all caution to the wind and act in a self-destructive manner. (Unless one goes from one HC group to another, that is) - Bradley

  I'm afraid that I did exactly that. Stupidly, I took up smoking and then generally carried on in other unmentionable things thinking to gain approval from my new "Old world" friends. They were apalled at me!

  It was a few months after that that I met Her Ladyship. She kept me at arms length for a full 6 months, during which time we became good friends before eventually setting up home together. She cured me of the "headship" imprinting, altered my views on capital punishment, taught me to be more caring for my environment in THIS world and generally helped me to stop behaving like an asshole. Most of the time, that is. I still don't suffer fools gladly though.

  Englishman.
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  franklin J

  Having been raised in the faith, I supose I was still growing up when I left at about age 21. I did not "go wild"; never did drugs or smoked( never wanted to); over did the alcohol ( who does not at that age?); had great fun with sex ( NO GUILT) , and did just about what I wanted to, which included college and pursuing a career.

  I never felt the need to join another religion, although I do enjoy discussing religion on a philosophical level. I credit my parents for teaching me some good values and scruples ( JW do not get any credit) which I carry with me to this day. I married a nice Catholic girl when I was 30 years old, this was a good age for me as I felt I had worked out all the JW " baggage" I was carrying around.

  Life is considerably "lighter" on this side of the WTS

  Frank
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  SanFranciscoJim

  I was disfellowshipped at the age of 23. I look back at my early exJW past and believe that I didn't act any differently than any "normal" 23 year old who had no JW background.

  I'm twice that age now (almost 47), in a stable long-term relationship, and have no desire to live like a 23 year old again. I'm just glad that I got out before all of my formative years were demolished by their so-called "morality".
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  jgnat

  I could believe that some go "wild", from what I have seen of some JW teens. I wonder if their thinking goes something like this.

  • The most moral people in earth are at the KH.
  • The worldly kids at school are loose, permissive and are allowed to do anything.
  • If I am not a JW, then I might as well go wild.

  Black and white thinking goes along with the teen years, and the JW teachings just compound it. In reality, there are a few wild kids at school that get a lot of visibility, and a large majority that try and live a decent and honest life. I find modern kids to be well attuned to environmental issues, animal rights, and world peace. Aaaah, the idealism of youth. I think JW kids don't notice the mild-living normal kids around them; they have been attuned to Satan's Kingdom, not the natural world surrounding them.

  Of course, you guys will have to confirm these hunches for me.
• 

  logansrun

  waiting,

  I have to disagree w/you. I know of a few people that got involved in hard-core drug addictions after they left the dubs. Fortunately, one of them was able to recover.

  But, that certainly isn't true of everyone. Not me, btw.

  B.
• 

  sens

  I know of a few people that got involved in hard-core drug addictions after they left the dubs.
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  lovinlife

  I can't say that I went off the deep end, but I did try all the stuff I wanted to....smoked...a few other drug related nasties...but never off the deep end. I did these things once, or twice, but then went on being myself. But it was a good education. I found myself in some ways. I realized that some of the people that make choices that I normally wouldn't were not "bad people", but most were basically "good people" making bad choices. I really became less judgemental during this time.
• 

  Sassy

  A couple years ago I got into a little trouble for the first time pretty much in my life and since I assumed I would be dfd, I really threw caution to the wind and did some pretty wild things. It was short term and ironically I didn't get dfd then. Now when I chose to leave, I thought about it. At first I thought maybe I wanted to do that again. Make up for the years of abstinence after being divorced but single for a number of years. I was always so envious of 'worldly' friends who could date and just enjoy life and not have to be doing this as an imediate view of marriage. No wonder JWs get in bad marriages. Don't have sex before marriage, so you rush into something to keep from committing immorality and what do you get?

  Well i figured now I was going to go all out and just have fun (safe fun of course)..

  but the thing is that gets old pretty fast and as much as I didn't think I wanted committments but was looking for fun.. maybe even date just for sex.. ooooh how tabooo..... I know.., the third guy I dated changed all of that 'let me be wild for a while' theory..

  and I don't have to be wild just because I am not a JW.. I just don't have to live by their rules.. I only need live by the choices I pick for myself.

  and I can chose to have a relationship that is full of adventure and ok by my rules.. even if it isn't by the rules I was raised with.
• 

  waiting

  Hello Bradley,

  I know of a few people that got involved in hard-core drug addictions after they left the dubs. Fortunately, one of them was able to recover.

  That rather proves my point. A "few people" got involved with hard-core drugs after leaving the jw's - one of the few even recovering. Okay..............how many people who have never been jw's get involved with drugs?

  I know people can go through spells, smoking, sex with odd creatures (including humans), drugs, etc..........but a LOT of people go through that - and it can even be considered normal exploration up to a point. When my son went to college - sure, he did things.............but so did the worldly kids he hung out with. No more, no less.

  Not saying it's right......just saying it's rather normal to try things. It's the JW world which isn't normal because it doesn't allow people to try things - make mistakes & learn from them. Almost all people go through transition stages throughout their lives. It varies.

  almost knee-jerk reaction for someone coming out of a high-control group like the JWs to automatically throw all caution to the wind and act in a self-destructive manner. - bradley

  That's the comment I take issue with. It's an unprovable statement. Some people have vastly different ideas as to what is "self-destructive manner." Driving 10 mph over the speed limit....to taking speed every day.

  If a vast majority of xjw's were drunks, drug addicts, sex addicts, criminals, etc.,.........yeah, could see your point. But the vast majority of us aren't - we aren't different than our worldly brethen. And that's somewhat provable........because if we were addicts, etc., the WTBTS sure as hell would put that in writing as a scary warning to dubs........see what happens if you leave Mom????

  waiting