Just don't understand them...........................

gti2002

My husbands family are JW, my huband threatened to be but has changed his mind. His mother is absolutely foul to me and has taken every opportunity to try and get in between us and split us up. If we ever row, she takes his side and starts pointing out what an awful, disgusting (yes she actually said that!) person I am. Fortunately he hasn't bought it long term and we usually resolve our problems. She then starts buddying up to me and trying to pretend that she likes me.

Its so bloody hypocritical and basically unchristian, I don't get how these people seem able to preach about how wonderful they are and yet do the complete opposite. I have completely had enough of both of his parents and can see absolutely no future in our relationship. I know it's evil but I am going to do EVERYTHING in my power to prevent my husband attending those meetings, I was only going along with it so he could have a relationship with his M & D but have finally had enough. As far as I can see it's a lose/lose situation even if he goes his relationship with them will improve at the expense of my marriage and they will still dislike me. If he doesn't go our marriage will be okay and they will still dislike me - what choice do I have?

Can anyone comment on my situation? Does my take on it seem unreasonable? If so I would welcome some advice.

DJ

Hi gti,

Sadly, your situation sounds familiar. I have in laws who are married to my jw siblings. My parents do NOT look favorably at them either. If they were jw's then everything that they find to dislike about them would disappear. I feel so badly for them. I have one sister in law who calls to cry on my shoulder all the time. She atleast understands not to take it too personally anymore because she ses that it is about the religion and not her, per se.

As far as stopping your husband from going to meetings...hmmm, do be careful...I think that one could back fire on you. You see, as long as you try to stop him...he will perceive that as "persecution" and it tends to fuel their type of thinking. I would suggest that you do some research about the org. and share it with your hubby in aloving, civilized discussion. And be persistent in caring for the fact that he has been taught this and most likely takes it quite seriously. It is not an easy 1-2-3 thing to get over. it takes time and lots of love and patience as well as the research. I can't stress enough the importance of your husband realizing that he has been taught error. Do you know hat things about the jw's that he does believe strongly? For starters you can debunk the lie that the Governing Body speaks for God. Have you suggested that he read the book called, Crisis of Conscience? It should help him and I would also recommend some books by David Reed, such as "Answering jehovah's witnesses verse by verse" and the other one"...subject by subject". You can find these books here www.freeminds.org and www.cftf.com and check out this site about the blood issue www.ajwrb.org It shows all of the hypocrisy of that teaching. Also show him that the trinity brochure by the jw's is full of sentences taken out of context and misused in order to support their thinking. To do this you can do a search here on this site.

I can also advise you that your best defense aginst his mother is just to be civil to her and polite but keep your distance. You will never win if you can't show that you have love, because that is the one commodity that many jw's lack. Your husband will see how you act and how she acts and take it from there. I wish you much patience and strength because it is not easy but if you love your husband, it is the only way. hugs. dj

gti2002

Hi there - any helpful advice?

DJ

sorry, I hit the wrong button.

mizpah

DJ has some great advice. The one thing that JWs can not argue with is a kind and loving Christian spirit shown to them.

Doctrine can be argued. Subjects like trinity, soul and hell have been subjects of disagreement among Christians for 2000 years. JWs are not unique in their views on these doctrines. But how can one argue love, mercy, kindness, hospitality and all the other good attributes that Christ recommends?

jgnat

I take it your relationship is basically okay as long as the MIL from KHell (Kingdom Hell) doesn't interfere. And that your hubby has decided (firmly?) that he does not want to be a member full-time. He goes occassionally to keep the MIL from KHell off his case.

Is that an accurate reflection of your situation?

If so, I would suggest that you NOT INTERFERE with the occassional visits your hubby makes to the hall. "Opposers" are viewed very badly by these people (remember those hateful looks from MIL from KHell?). If you want your MIL to pour on the sweetness, you have to appear to be a "Potential Convert".

If I were you, I would concentrate on building up your relationship with your husband. Let it be the two of you working together against anything or anybody that would tear you apart. Your hubby should not be sharing ANY details of spats that happen between you.

Witnesses are well coached on how to treat Opposers. However, like Mizpah has already said, they have no defence against simple kindnesses. Concentrate on building your husband up as a strong, capable, and INDEPENDENT man, who does not need to take direction from mommy Organization or Mommy Dearest.

garybuss

Hi gti, I gotta be thinking you have the right idea. I hope it all works out in a good way for you. GaryB

shamus

I would be very wary of preventing him from going to meetings... it will backfire on you.

My advice?

Just tell her what you think of her, exactly as you typed out. Just tell her that you have never seen someone so unloving and unchrist like as the witnesses. Simple. Tell her what is on your mind, and never let her control you! It's not worth it friend!

Stand up for yourself and be strong. Remember when you are talking to not let emotions get in your way. Be firm and be honest. Very blunt and honest. Don't be angry. Let her get angry. When she starts saying how "loving" they are, just say "well, I'm sorry, but I don't see this love that you speak of. I only see your hypocrisy".

Remember that she believes that she is far more rightcheous than you. You need to make it backfire on her. That is the best way to get the message across.

Hope some of these suggestions help.

Brian.

Stacy Smith

Don't ever say no to your husband. Ever.

Kill the mother in law with kindness. Smother her with love. She will explode.

MegaDude

Exploding mother-in-laws....that's a good thing. lol

Just don't understand them...........................

Share this