Just don't understand them...........................

by gti2002 19 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Redneckgurl

  GTI,

  It is going to be hard for you to understand because you have not been a JW before. Their reasoning on things is so different than what you would think. It is true that your opposition to him attending meetings is going to be looked upon as persecution, and even as an attack by Satan, all the more reason for him to "move ahead" and fight that much harder to go. You of course will be seen as just another worldly person under the hooks of the devil, being used by him to do evil against those who want to do God's will. See? The more you fight, the more you might lose. The only thing you can hope for is that he will someday see the light about the "light" and leave that way. Otherwise, you will have a husband with a guilt stricken conscience who will be resentful of you for keeping him from God, that is, if he listens to you. Wish I could be more hopeful for you, but it is a way of thinking that is NOT easy to get rid of.

  Redneckgurl
• 

  gti2002

  Thanks for everybody's help, it is really good to explain it to people who understand. My friends (all non JW) don't get it as it all sounds completely alien to them.

  I see that forcing him not to go is not going to work and until now have been supporting him going (against my better judgement) to help him have a relationship with the old bag. He is DF as he left his first wife (JW) for me. Therefore he can't have any relationship with them till he is reinstated, he can't be reinstated unless he goes to meetings. He didn't go at all for two years and has recently started again, I went for a few weeks but gave up as none of it made any sense to me. Deep down I know he does actually believe all of it but loves me more. On that basis I thought it only fair to try and help him go back, I didn't feel too insecure about it all but now, seeing how that old trout behaves I know that the religion will end up destroying us and she will tear us apart with a smile on her face.

  This coming sunday is the first time he won't have been with them to the KH, can anyone hazard a guess about how his repeated non appearance will be handled? Do you think it will be followed up? Do you think they will just let it go? (Not just his parents the Elders of his cong. too)???

  Thanks to everybody.
• 

  sunshineToo

  What does your husband think of his mom calling you "an awful and disgusting person"? Just curious.

  Maybe you should have a very deep talk with your husband and see where he stands. Why would his mom think you are "awful and disgusting"? Was it something you did or was it just because you are not a jw?

  I'm sure you married him because both of you were in love. I hope you still are in love to eachother. Try reason with your husband, not with your mother-in-law. She is not going to listen to anything you say. Help your husband to see the light.

  Good luck.

  sunshineToo
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  gti2002

  Just after I had my daughter I had really bad PN depression and was acting really wierd. I took a huge OD and on the afternoon I came out of hospital she took him on one side and said that he didn't have to put up with this and that he should show me the door, our little girl was 6 weeks old.Since then I have had depression on and off but quite badly at times and act out every time. At these times he goes home and his parents tell him every time to leave me. The latest episode was two weeks ago when she rang me and told me I was disgusting. I don't think this pressure from the whole JW thing has been helping but hopefully its behind us now, I'm just scared that it's going to kick off again.

  I can function and manage on a day to day basis but at bad times have very little tolerance for stress of any kind. My husband understands this, the old bag really doesn't. The bit I find really hard to swallow is that they claim to have the moral high ground and yet basically abuse someone who is clearly ILL. Its just a cheap shot that really hurts me......
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  jgnat

  Work with your husband to come up with a common strategy. Let it be the two of you against the rest of the big, bad world. He has to stop running to his parents when you two are going through a rough patch. Maybe an outside counsellor can give your hubby the support you two need.

  If your hubby starts attending irregularly, that is actually a good thing. He will be labelled "spiritually weak". What would be worse is if they put him on the fast track to get reinstated. You would then be looking at him gone four days out of seven (three regular meetings plus a catchup book study). Let him be undependable, irregular, lacksadaisical, and a general layabout. It will be easier on both of you.
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  gti2002

  jgnat -

  Given that the power (and danger) of this 'religion' is it's pervasiveness isn't it possible that if he starts going even infrequently that he will get hooked into it again? His parents will be pushing for him to be reinstated and to be truthful I don't really know what he has to do to make that happen - is infrequent attendance enough to be reinstated or does he have to do tues/sun every week for a year or more?
• 

  wannahelp

  I agree 100% with not interfering or preventing your husband from attending meetings..

  The witnesses are 'programmed' to look for any opposition, and then they tell the potential converts, see, we told you, Satan is doing everything in his power to keep you from the truth..

  In this case, she'd say you were controlled by Satan because you told your husband not to attend!!

  DON'T DO THAT!!! It's what the witnesses count on to happen to 'prove' their religion is 'true'..

  Ever heard the saying, kill them with kindness!!!

  It works, kill your mother-in-law with kindness. When she starts becoming unkind to you, just take it, and become even more kind to her... She will Explode, actually that is an understatement! And, if your husband has even the slightest idea that the witnesses are 'correct', he will observe your loving kindness, his mother's lack of loving kindness, and your christian response of even more loving kindness!!!!

  Good luck, and let us know how everything works out.
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  jgnat

  Infrequent attendance won't get him reinstated. We are talking about full meeting attendance, plus an extra book study for three to six months, followed by an elder's meeting. Is your hubby up for that kind of commitment? For the rest of his life?

  That is why infrequent attendance is a happy compromise. His parents can hold out the faint hope that he will turn, and he doesn't have to turn on the super-duper Witness gene. You two can find other activities that you both enjoy to occupy your evenings. Like macrame or ballroom dancing. Make sure the workshops are on meeting nights. At the same time, reinforce with your husband that he is a good man, that his love for God is genuine and obvious to all, and surely God would understand if he can't go all the way with meetings, etc. etc. etc.
• 

  shamus

  I think that we should clear something up here.

  The Jehovahs Witnesses are nothing more than a thinly disguised Cult. They are not a "Religion" per se, but a cult.

  Having said that, I do suggest a united front against them, support your husband in not going, etc. However, if he really wants to go back, you are in a tough spot. I am not saying divorce is a good thing but the things that can take place once he's back in there certainly could merit a look at it. He would not let your daughter have blood, celebrate holidays, etc. etc. etc... is it really worth it?

  Again, I am getting waay to far ahead of myself here.

  Understand that it is a cult, and understand that you need to find a way to get problems worked out without going cryin to his mother... he has not had support in the community, and, as someone else suggested, a counsellor is an excellent option! It can only make your marriage more strong at worst.

  Good luck to you, and let us know if we can help you at all.

  Brian.
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  Navigator

  I have been dealing with the witnesses for more than 40 years. Those who have advised you to "kill with kindness" are absolutely right. It confounds the hell out of them and they don't know how to deal with it. Don't issue any ultimatums or force any choices. Demonstrate your love even though you are unwilling to attend the meetings. Unless your husband is incredibly dumb, he will begin to understand that you have the "high ground".