by Skepsis 63 Replies latest jw friends
LisaRose and ATJ gave such great advice, I loved LisaRose when she said it is your life, also becareful of who you make as friends outside. I know I jumped so fast that I made friends with ones who did not have my best interests at heart. I was naive and learned the hard way. Take your time, you are young and enjoy your life, don't let them rob you of it anymore.
LITS
The greatest revenge is living a happy and successful life!
Why even use the word revenge? It's poison. Just 'go on your way'. Live a happy and successful life. Find new friends and family. Try your best to make their lives happy and successful.
Congratulations on following your heart and guarding your thinking abilities . My kids say to "just do you" as a mantra and I think it's worth saying to you. Guilt is an awful tool used to manipulate another's free will and self condemnation results. Depression has been described as anger turned against yourself and internalized. Stick up for yourself respectfully as it appears you are doing; positive and encouraging self talk is vital for mental health, listen to and follow your gut. No longer pioneering is not a sin, working full-time is not a sin, not acting as a ms is not a sin. You are choosing your life. If you feel good and strong about yourself in your career then it's what's right for you in the moment. You don't owe any an explanation at all. I'd let your happiness show at the hall, chin up. When asked you can say I love my life, life is good, what's not to be joyful about? The witness reaction is def cognitive dissonance as they've been trained to goad you to feel bad about yourself like the violin player convention video. If you want to step down, summit in writing with a simple explanation and don't comment further when pressed citing you've prayerfully and scriptural determined this to be what's best for you at this time. Period. Our tendency is to overexplain ourselves to justify a different opinion when we don't need to or owe it to anyone. If you remain respectful, joyful, calm and humbly confident they can't blame it on the boogeyman, but will accept it as your decision. Calm respectful firm Decisiveness puts them on defense. If someone gives you 'advice-opinion", thank them and say you'll prayerfully reflect on it and that's it. I wish you happiness, and blessings for a full life. Keep talking...here and with good friends (worldly lol). As stated by others here, it can take years to shake the fear, guilt-induced thinking and give yourself permission to truly enjoy your life. Don't quit, it's worth the effort and journey.
P.s....the Congo move is good for the fade, step down at the same time citing adjustment period. I'd go super slow with the ex and avoid any negative org talk as that can impede a clean fade. Her CD could be triggered. She'll freak herself out and tell on you. (Or could) Fear of the unknown is natural, in career especially, enjoy each moment and your confidence will grow each day.
Awakenednow - top posts. Mirrors my experience exactly except I got there a lot more slowly than you describe!
I am deliberately cheerful around witnesses, and especially when I am at the hall. The elders have occasionally got on my case and I just politely and firmly tell them to leave me alone and let me go my own way. Initially I felt guilty for them having to do my old "privileges", but that's their look out for being deluded and dumb like I was.
Elder: "Would you like to work with me in the ministry/have an encouraging visit/discuss anything?"
Freddo: "No thanks!"
Elder: "You don't seem to be your old self - it must be hard now you aren't an elder/we need brothers to reach out."
Freddo: "Thanks for your concern. I'm in a really good place right now. What you see now is the new me! You'll get used to it!"
When anyone asks how I am, how things are (expecting me to be miserable because I have no "privileges", my ministry is minimal, my meeting attendance sparodic and I used to be a fairly high profile elder in the circuit) and look at me all concerned I just say "I'm really good thanks!" or "Never been better!"
Awesome Freddo. No need to feel bad about living your truth and the friends are still under the spell. Good for you! I love your responses and attitude. It's hard to let people down who held you as an example, but it's better then personal dishonesty which leads to depression, etc. best of life to you! Do you still regularly attend?
Congrats Skepsis on your new job! Glad to hear that your plan is working out well. You'll see that not spending so much time on the field will help you to get emotionally detached from other peoples' opinions.
My only advice would be start building NOW a social network outside the JWs, as you will need it very soon. Go to a gym, a chess club, dance school, whatever - meet new people!
My father joined the cult in the early 70s he was told to quit his good paying job with benefits and a pension because he did some military related stuff. He started a little business doing services around people's home and since the end was so near it didn't really matter. He was and MS and elder and even pioneered a couple of times. He died penniless and homeless too.
Regardless of what you personally decide to keep as true this one fact is indisputable; the end is not near. As it turns out, when viewed from any perspective, 1914 was not the beginning or ending of anything. (see JWfacts, The Gentile Times Reconsidered, frequency of earthquakes, etc.) Following JW doctrine; as the "last generation" is not here. neither is Jesus' Kingdom. Nor is the one true religion which means WBTS is not it. Which means it's just another manmade religion. Which means it's actually a part of " Babylon the Great". Which means you are instructed to leave. Congratulations on your way out. Live Well...Enjoy Life....
