So My Ex-Wife Calls Me Last Night For "Advice"...

by pale.emperor 42 Replies latest members private

  • pale.emperor
    pale.emperor

    Putting this ins the PRIVATE section.

    Yesterday i get a text message from my ex-wife (we're separated actually, but getting divorced). She says "are you free to talk? I need some advice." What sort of advice? That's what im thinking. She's living with her parents, dads an elder, mums a depressed pioneer, both sisters living there too active JWs, her brother and his wife are "doing well in the truth". So im thinking why isnt she going to them for advice?

    You may have guessed already

    I call her. She sounds quiet and like she's nervous. I ask about our daughter, did she enjoy her day out etc. small talk out the way. Then she asks me "What's it like as a non JW?" - so i tell her how wonderful it is. How i havent been depressed since i stopped reading their literature, how i've met some wonderful people and i've got so much to live for and look forward to. No one checks up on me, no one snitches on me, no one cares if i do this or that, no one judges me, the world isnt perfect, but it's a wonderful place etc etc etc. It took me about 4 mins of telling her.

    She tells me she feels trapped. She says "It's not fair, my friend Kim (a non JW she met in our daughters nursery) is so much nicer than any of the witnesses. None of the witnesses bother with me. "so-and-so" has moved into our KH and everyone wants to hang around with her because she's single and popular, it's like a popularity contest. I just wish i could do what i wanted. Like have my own friends, celebrate a birthday etc"

    I told her i know exactly what she feels. I used to feel that way. And when you leave you notice how stupid and superficial it all is. Not to mention the things taught. She tells me "i still believe in Jehovah... just..." she paused but i let her finish her sentence "...just, not the religion".

    Now, she has said this before in private to me when i first left. But it only took an hour with her elder dad and then she suddenly believed it again and denied she ever said it. I didn't try and convince her it's all a lie, i just let her speak. I told her understand. Although im now an atheist, reading the bible, every Christian should be partaking of the memorial emblems. For a so-called Christian religion to tell you not to is so bad.

    The conversation went for about 45mins. I think she will leave eventually. I told her i know what her concerns are: shunning. She said "yeah, i know my parents will shun me and <our daughter> if i leave" so i suggested how to fade. She said "it's impossible because my dad will say/do something. I cant hide from him." So i ended it with telling her it'd be a shame to put your life on hold for 40 years until he dies just because he'll shun you. What sort of parent is that?

    Lets see what happens.

    See, this is the side of JW-dom that JW's deny even exists. This must be happening all over. People knowing they're trapped.

  • steve2
    steve2

    Your ex-wife's brain tells her JW organization does not "add up", but her heart tells her "Daddy will shun me if I leave and I'll feel bad about that."

    Yes, she's trapped. And living back with her JW parents increases her sense of helplessness.

  • smiddy
    smiddy

    Sheeesh , thats great news pe ,she sounds like she is truly contemplating dumping the JW religion but not too sure how to go about it and also weighing the consequences of her actions.

    I hope she doesnt turn out to be one that leaves the "truth" but the "truth" never leaves them.As some that I have encountered fit that scenario.

    Your former wife is afraid her father will shun her if she leaves the religion.{ and so she stays and has a miserable life that will be reflected on her daughters future}

    Your ex leaves the religion ,and that will test the true love and devotion her dad has for his daughter and her/your child , that is something she needs to clear up right now.

    No point putting it off not wanting to know.

    If a father gives up his daughter just simply for not having the same faith he has , I`m sorry but what sort of father is he , not one that I would want.

    However the onus is on him your ex doesnt want to cut ties with her father ,and if he does over religious differences he is not worthy of her calling him father.

    I sincerely hope things work out in a positive way for you and your ex and her father ,it will be a shame if it doesnt.

    Take care pe

  • dozy
    dozy

    Interesting conversation. I do think that the most important thing an ex-JW can do is live happily ( despite the inevitable fallout & crap that leaving a cult brings ) . JWs are taught that anyone leaving "the truth" sinks into a pit of despair ( and possibly debauchery ) & it really throws them when they see people living happy , fulfilling lives.

  • UnshackleTheChains
    UnshackleTheChains

    Pale emporer.

    Thanks for sharing that. It just shows what most Witnesses think. They are held captive in this religion because of the shunning policy. It's a shame for your wife. I know exactly what she is going through as I am in the very same position. I now only attend for 'purely' social reasons and for peace in my household. It was good for your wife to open up to you. It sounds like she is fully awake.

  • redpilltwice
    redpilltwice

    Guess you did the right thing by telling about your current happy circumstances pale, it´s very telling that she still approaches YOU (a disfellowshipped apostate divorced ex-husband!!) in order to really vent her feelings. I hope this confirms that you, being outside JW la la land are on the right side of the spectrum. Who knows when she´ll be ready to really jump, she already knows enough about TTATT, but it´s a huge step to actually distance yourself from the WT indoctrination. We all know the pain of cognitive dissonance

    Now, she has said this before in private to me when i first left. But it only took an hour with her elder dad and then she suddenly believed it again and denied she ever said it.

    I remember this very well from your earlier posts and I was holding my breath until I came along the words, sigh... the human mind is such a complex thing...

  • tiki
    tiki

    I hope she goes with her gut feeling and extricates herself from that web....just the fact of openly admitting it to you is a good sign!!! And if she does so so much better for your little girl!!!

  • The Fall Guy
    The Fall Guy

    Thanks P.E.

    I'm absolutely certain that there are multitudes of (reluctantly) active J.W's who are distraught at the seismic moves in the org's meetings, field service, & convention formats - not mention the continual urging to hand over money.

    Such ones don't/won't see a pain-free exit door. Of course, there usually isn't.

  • pale.emperor
    pale.emperor

    She's already missing ministry and meetings, turns up 50% of the time, for which her parents give her the silent treatment for a few days (very mature of them).

    If she's still "in" around Christmastime im going to invite her to mine to let her witness our daughter opening her presents. Birthday was such a happy time for my little one, it's a shame my ex didnt get to witness it.

    (Although, i call it Yule or winter solstice. I want nothing to do with anything christian or Jesus)

  • redpilltwice
    redpilltwice
    She's already missing ministry and meetings, turns up 50% of the time, for which her parents give her the silent treatment for a few days (very mature of them).

    50%? Although she may doubt it herself, this sounds like a slow fade/inactive state is a serious option for her. She´s already half way!

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit