He totally blew smoke up my a$$!!

by LovesDubs 36 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  cruzanheart

  Well, I'd be creeped out by someone telling me that my books were bringing demons into the house! Hon, you aren't doing the kids any favors by staying together -- kids have highly developed BS detectors and can probably feel the tension in the house and hear your words to each other, and the tones of your voices. I do agree that he's trying to get YOU to make the first move, and I think it's totally up to you as to what you want to do. What will be best for you and the children? Leave revenge out of it and think of what will keep you sane and give your children a healthy atmosphere in which to live. Analyze your finances. Look at your resources (your family, friends, job, etc.).

  I hope everything goes well for you.

  Nina
• 

  avishai

  Are you being sarcastic, Sore of jah? It's because the dubs encourage people to find their non jw spouses as a "spiritual danger". This has broken up many families, destroyed kids lives, etc. Thanks, Jehovah!!!! Thanks, witnesses!!!

  Nice to see you back, SoJ!
• 

  nilfun

  Sounds like you have made sacrifices in order to save the marriage, but he won't? You say he is sneaking around with the kids. I take it to mean that he is teaching them to hide things behind Mom's back?

  I'm so sorry that you are dealing with a guy who expects you to bend, but doesn't seem to care enough to at least meet you halfway.
• 

  Double Edge

  Good for you for standing up to him. Take my advice only with a grain of salt (I've never been a dub, so it's not worth that much in this situation)... Give him his own medicine. Be passive aggressive. Tell him HIS literature is demonized, HE doesn't worship correctly, YOU'RE in search of REAL Truth, not some man-made 'truth"... everything he says about you, throw it back to him and tell him your opinions are provable and his are faulty and laughable. Tell him that one day he's going to wake up and discovered that it was a house of cards and all his energy was wasted on something false. But above all, be calm and assured in what you say... DON'T get emotional ... present it like he's someone to be pitied, what with being out of reality and all.

  my 2 cents
• 

  DFWnonJW

  Nice to see you back, SoJ!

  Now there's sarcasm for ya!

  Loves, I remember you from AOL and I'm sorry to hear things are going so bad for you. I don't have any advice to offer but I'll see what I can round up in the way of a book or two to send your way.
• 

  LovesDubs

  SOJ would say that exact same thing to me if I was Mother Teresa or Lizzy Borden. So I just ignore him.

  When I first disassociated in 1997, the congregation heavily stood behind him, making him a martyr, making a big deal out of Poor Brother with the apostate wife, having to take his three small children all alooooooone to the hall....and then separating my kids all over the hall and telling them that mommy was not going to be in paradise and to stick with daddy and Jehovah would love them! Then they invited my husband to several get togethers and WEEKENDERS with SINGLES...and pushing him to try to get me to leave. He would come home and pick fights and do nasty things to me deliberately to make me mad. And his MOTHER was encouraging this too!! This is not at all unusual...I had seen it online several times where the JWs were pulling on the poor believer JW and even setting them up on DATES already and they werent even eligible to BE divorced and werent even separated! Its nauseating.

  My kids are old enough to reeeeally fight any efforts he makes to inculcate them now. They hate the meetings when he does manage to drag them there. Just HATE it. And they have seen their cousins get baptised and promptly cut THEM off saying they are now "bad association". And forget how my JW inlaws treat their MOM...who now has become a lower life form on the JW created food chain. Up until a week ago my husband would drink himself into oblivion and stay out til all hours of the morning..NEVER goes in service doesnt read the magazines...goes to maybe one meeting every three months and says now that he is going to Sunday meetings that he is "doing what Jehovah wants him to do and no matter how bad I THINK his problems are they are nothing compared to my being DEAD TO JEHOVAH"....can you BELIEVE this crap???

  What I wanted to do was "display" his literature all over the FRONT YARD and turn the SPRINKLERS ON. Who else besides Jehovahs Witlesses can cut you to the core and never lay a hand on you. I hate them so deeply for what they have done to him...to this family..to YOUR families...that I cant even see straight any more.

  He wont go to counselors...no WORLDLY person is going to tell him what to do! And my problems, he says, are created because I LEFT JEHOVAH and I deserve whatever way people treat me.

  I am a stay at home mother...I run our business from my home. I am HERE for my kids and my kids spend ZERO time with their father. He does NOTHING for this home but finance it. And I mean nothing. There isnt a court in the land would take my kids away from me. Im not worried about that happening. But I defintely need to get even with the bastard...and Im coming up with a way to do that. Vindictive? Hell yeah...theres no marriage here any more. This is WAR.
• 

  worldlygirl

  LovesDubs, take a look at my "Revenge" thread. Lots of good ideas here!

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/57749/853186/post.ashx#853186
• 

  Alana

  ((((((LUVS)))))))

  

  Dawn,

  I remember you from AOL....not sure if you remember little o'le me or not.... when you were still up here in cold Illinois! I have to say that it was some of your posts online and in chat rooms which helped me along in my exiting the JWs, handling JW relatives or ones from the KH, etc....you were one of the first ones who I met online. When I read your post a while back stating you were deleting your AOL persona and no longer posting I was saddened by it, but understood your reasons. I'm so glad that you are back online, although I'm not so glad at what you are going through. That "theocratic warfare" can be a real bitch.....and I truly feel like that is what this is....in his mind, he/JWs are right and that can justify just about any treatment, whether 'Christian-like' or not. Keep your spirits up and you can always look to us for support!

  ~Alana
• 

  68storm

  Lovesdubs,

  The first thing you have to do is find a lawyer that has had experience with the dubs. I had a very difficult time finding one here in Canada. It is so frustrating dealing with jws because they are such a minute cult and nobody knows anything about them. I found a lawyer that was involved in ONE other case. That was the best I could do. He messed up on a number of areas. I desparately tried to educate him but the consensus was always the adage that courts do not consider religion in custody battles.

  If you are going to separate, you need all the info you can get your hands on. An invaluable asset that I had was a copy of the societys booklet on "Preparing for Child Custody Cases". By studying this booklet, you can show that the lws lifestyle is in question here. The courts only consider what is in the best interest of the children. You have to try and show that being indoctrinated by the jw, the children will be seriously handicapped.

  I don't think that the blood argument is going to have any effect. They will lie through their teeth about it. My ex certainly did. My lawyer managed to get us an arbitrator so we could come to a mutual agreement. When my ex was asked about my concern about blood being withheld for my boy in case of an accident, she stated that the first phone call she would make in a case of an emergency, would be to me. I had a hard time believing that, the fact being that she had already filled a no blood card for our son.

  It cost me the better part of my retirement savings fighting her, but I am happy to say that I now have my son living with me.

  DO NOT TRUST them for a second. They say hind sight is 20/20. If I analyze my situation, my trusting her humanity, caused me the most grief and expense.

  I am really sorry that you are going through this. Try to remain as calm as posssible and research....research......and more research.

  68storm
• 

  patio34

  Hi LovesDubs! I was so surprised to see you--I thought I had an old page or something.

  I have a lot of empathy with your feelings, having been thru a divorce and all. What gets me is when someone provokes and deliberately pushes your buttons and then says stuff like "do what you have to." It's like a cold-blooded killer or something.

  It's awful to feel that rage and so little to do to balance the scales.

  I hope it passes soon, so that you can make plans for what's best for you and your kids and quit being driven to rage by him.

  You didn't ask for advice, so I hesitate to give any, but I feel I must say one thing: go see a counselor. It sounds as if the guy is setting you up and making you kind of helpless with fury. The books issue is a small thing that really doesn't need to be dealt with. It's the larger issues, as you have pointed out. I'm not saying a marriage counselor, but some kind of professional who can help you get past your emotions and think clear-headed.

  Just my 2 cents,

  Pat