What to Do....Please Help. Awakening JW for a very long time
by CovertsadJW 57 Replies latest social family
-
-
smiddy3
Your wife claims to believe the Bible ? Assert your headship authority according to scriptures and call out her unscriptual behavior as a wife who should be in subjection to her husband .
Use theocratic warfare on her and the elders .Two can play at that game.
-
Xanthippe
It sounds like cognitive dissonance is making her very angry, a battle is going on inside her. That doesn't makes the abusive behaviour any easier to take. Some great advice here CovertsadJW. All the best to you going forward.
-
Crazyguy
I don’t know how old your kids are but in my personal experience if you don’t go you become and outcast. The cult makes sure a plants seeds in your kids minds that your not a good person and have left Jehovah. I have not gone to a meeting now in about 5 years and if I had todo it over again. I would of done it one of two ways. Divorce the wife and then set up a situation that the kids with me would be told how I feel and given opportunities while under my part time custody to see and learn a real world alternative.
Option two if you don’t want to divorce is go with the kids and wife to meetings and start studying with them as soon as you can an introduce scriptures and ideas from the Bible that will in time make them realize there’s a problem. One can also study the history of the cult and show them their false teachings and prophecies again poking holes in their credibility.
It also important that they your kids are offered as many opportunities out side of the KH as possible. Public school , after school sports , music etc. Make them read and open up as much alternative learning as possible then encourage I mean demand the kids go to college.
-
Earnest
CovertsadJW : I’ve been ... reading God is not great , just to help put the nail in my doubts not necessarily the Aetheist part... I love reading Christopher Hitchens books;
If you still believe in God and the Bible in some form or another, have you considered having a family study using the Bible only?
-
CovertsadJW
Thats kind of how I feel crazy guy, at this point I can never tell the kids how I feel. People say slowly introduce idea, etc, but my wife is on to that and wants no part. I bought them books on critical thinking ; they are young school aged and old enough to read and understand. ITs so sad that the JW.org makes it impossible to speak the truth without ripping apart families. I fell like I have been put in this position and despite what anyone may say I did not "choose" this way of thinking. I have looked at facts, examined all sides, and decided that the truth is a lie and a falsehood. So of course and you say, people will certainly plant seeds in my kids minds and my wife has those seeds already-we intermittently go to meetings, assemblies for one day, etc. She knows I do not want to be there, and makes me out to be bad to the kids, her friends, etc. The seeds are planted. I religion has put me in this position and I have not chosen it; being baptized at 15 certainly does not do me justice. We know that story.
-
flipper
COVERTS- I really, seriously empathize with your position. I went through similar situations with my JW wife when we were still married in the 1990's. She painted me into a corner claiming I wasn't " taking the lead " or being her " spiritual head " . Here's the situation : when guys like you and me have had JW marriage mates that are really hardcore indoctrinated , it's almost impossible to argue JW teachings or ideas with them. Like beating your head against a brick wall- doesn't work and it produces nothing positive. She gets more set in her JW ways , and you get unjustly portrayed as the " devil incarnate " . That's due to the Jehovah's Witness mind control.
I agree with the posters here who say to avoid JW topics with her entirely for the time being as best you can . It will make your existence and life easier to bear while living with your wife. Also I agree - be proactive in disclosing and sharing information with your children about the false promises of the WT Society and injustices happening within the JW organization. But do this of course out of your wife's presence. You didn't say how old your children are- so that's something to take into account about how much you reveal to them.
Hopefully you can live for a few years or some time with this situation- but if you do reach your breaking point in dealing with the stress in your marriage ( and only you know yourself how much emotional stress you can bear ) if it goes downhill to the point where you need to divorce - it's not a crime to do so. In fact, for some of us, it's been the start of a new life in which we become happier, our ex becomes happier , stress free, and our minor children aren't eyewitnesses to the arguments, yelling of spouses, and contention anymore in their day to day lives. So, just saying, it's an option if all else fails. About 8 years after my divorce I met Mrs. Flipper and we've been together 12 years now, married almost that long.
I wish you the best no matter what you do and we are here, myself included to offer friendship and support in anyway possible to you. If you ever want to chat on the phone, just private e-mail me on the board here and I'd be happy to talk with you friend. Hang in there, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
-
Incognito
Welcome CovertsadJW
I can never tell the kids how I feel. People say slowly introduce idea, etc, but my wife is on to that and wants no part.
Why are her opinions given priority over yours? You are both parents equally and your opinions are just as valid as your wife's, but you need to first believe that.
makes me out to be bad to the kids, her friends, etc.
This is unacceptable, yet, you you seem to be putting-up with it.
It is she that is putting a wedge between you and her and between you and your children. Either you need to put a stop to this, or your marriage and your relationship with your children will be history.
-
The Fall Guy
Welcome CovertsadJW. So sorry your family life is in turmoil
I've sent you a PM. Hope something is of use to you. I wish you well.
-
CovertsadJW
Thank you so much everyone -this is really helping. To answer a few questions along the way.
In her mind , her opinion is the only one that counts usually. If I differ in my opinion she reacts in attitude and speech like I am attacking her personally. I am talking about small stuff. She gets mad, sometimes rolls her eyes, etc. I have stopped her many times and said “ don’t talk down to me”. Communication is poor , but I will keep trying.
Kids - I am not sure there is a slow way to introduce different thoughts or shall I say real facts in a way that is indiscreet. When my kids ask about something I answer but it’s not JW - they report this. The kids mostly do not want to go , but she is the driving force and when I don’t go she certainly lets me know. In her family her mom is the same-
Thank you so very much everyone - I really do appreciate the input and ideas.