What to do about a bully?

by Sirona 32 Replies latest jw friends

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  Englishman

  I think standing up to them and confronting them about their behaviour is the best thing. It's also probably the hardest thing to do.

  Absolutely. If there are no consequences for bad behaviour, the pattern will just continue.

  If there are many people involved then discuss it with them and make sure you stick together and don't allow them to single people out for attack.

  Agreed. Bullies always single out individuals, usually they pick on people who they think won't fight back.

  Don't allow them to get away with a quick "sorry". Say "Well I'm sorry, but 'sorry' isn't good enough. You need to stop treating people this way!"

  Too true. Saying sorry means remorse for what has happened and a commitment not to hurt again are essential. Words come cheap and mean nothing without action.

  Englishman.
• 

  Stacy Smith

  Confrontation seems to be everyones response. Of course I'd be careful about getting my butt kicked. But if that isn't a concern then confront the bully in front of lots of people. Especially if they all know the person. You'll embarress the bully so much it might have a very positive effect.

  Or get them to go someplace else.
• 

  Mulan

  If you don't react to the bullying, he isn't getting what he is after, so might stop. Bullies are trying to intimidate and cause fear. If you laugh at him or don't show those signs, he/she will move on....................or maybe get worse.

  Hey, it works on kids.
• 

  Maverick

  I am a not a big guy and when I was in grade school I was set upon on as an easy target. When I would come home from school my big brother would want to know what happened to me. Then he would give me a rash of crap for letting myself get worked over. After a while I hated that more than being pushed around a school. I started to stand up to these boys. At first I got the crap kicked out of me, but after a while I learned how to handle myself in a scrap, ( practice makes...). In time these clowns stopped beating on me because I was just too much work! They would beat me up, but I would just come back for more! Now I will step right up to a person that even starts getting stupid with me.

  I don't enjoy confrontation, as most people don't, but I will not be set upon, and I will not enable improper behavior toward me or those I care for. I have been known to follow guys into the mens room and get serious with them while they are trying to do their business. And I am not above grabbing the nearest heavy object to equal the fight! Be a 'stand up' person! Respect is hard earned but worth it! Maverick
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  William Penwell

  I would ignore him but if he backs you into a corner you have to stand up to him and tell him off like you did, otherwise if he knows he can get away with it he will keep doing it.

  Will
• 

  Nosferatu

  Ah, reminds me of high school. They'd either back off or laugh in disgust if I flirted with them. It might be different for you since you're female & he's male.
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  DakotaRed

  From my own experiences, most bullies are more cowards than anything. Eventually, standing up to them is the only way to stop their misconduct. Yes, there's always the chance that you can get your butt kicked, but aren't you already getting that anyway? Even if you do get hit back (literal as well as verbal) often the bully moves on as the last thing they want is for you to confront them. They prey on fear and when confronted, will often back down, even if they express strong words.

  If they move on to others, about all you can do is encourage the other to stand up to them too. Even if you stand alongside of them, they need to do it thmselves. Otherwise, the bully just sees it as the person won't stand up for themselves and may bully even worse when you aren't around.

  Kind of sounds like what is happening (although on a much larger scale) in Iraq and Afghanistan, doesn't it?
• 

  freedom96

  A bully must always be stood up to. Otherwise they will keep doing whatever it is that they are doing.
• 

  ChimChim

  I usually ignore them and let them know I dont really care about what they say or do to me... and they tend to think your boring and leave you alone...

  or you could always stand up to them, I do that sometimes, show them that I am not scared of them.

  -¤-*C.C*-¤-
• 

  Sirona

  HI all,

  Thanks SO MUCH, for all your advice. Scully, thanks for the recommendations for books I will definately buy at least one of those!

  Its been so hard dealing with this person, at least now I feel like I have a plan of action. Abaddon, I will be rehearsing in my head like you said!

  Over the past day or two he hasn't spoken to me, and has kept pretty out of the way. I hope this is the sign of things to come. I will defend others aswell - I just hate seeing him bully others.

  Thanks again,

  Sirona

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