I successfully faded with the exception of my sister and brother-in-law elder shunning me. I was a very happy Jw for most of my life, but my painful experiences were at the hands of prominent Jw's. I was molested for 7 years by the a-hole ms who studied with my parents, first elder hubby bethelite pioneer decided he never loved me and made a mistake marrying me after surviving cancer, ok life goes on... I married a newby jw I knew as a teen I originally met at a job who I renewed a friendship with after my divorce. We eloped after his baptism and had a couple amazing kids, after 15 years of marriage I divorced him because the last few years I discovered serious fraud, was physically threatened and so over living like that and still trying to be a sub,issive loving wife , Yadayadayada. He was arrested and sent to prison for a couple years, so I divorced him. The 2 elders came by and said I had no grounds so I told them that I served more time in my prison for a hasty decision years ago doing my best to make the most of it and I was out! If they love him so much then they can have him but I'm done. They laughed and couldn't argue that. Btw, my ex was being considered for elder. We had a very ideal looking family life, followed the rules, by the book. He was just a con that I fell for....no biggy. But, I decided that if I wanted to raise my kids to make wise personal choices and model that I would need to seriously reflect on mine and begin with the common thread....jw living. I allowed "mother" to dictate my life choices, doubting my own inner voice. So obviously I came to the conclusion to fade, but my whole life was in the Org. - my parents (dad/elder) , friends, sister....everyone in my entire world and support group. I was homeless due to the business disaster that led to my ex's incarceration, no income...scary stuff. And, I lived with my parents at this time for about 8 months while I got work and therapy for my kids who were traumatized. I was helped by ....drumroll....worldly people! They were the proven good sams. No witnesses outside a couple of older loving friends of my folks even bothered to call. The worldly people lent me a car, signed for a rental agreement on a house, donated funds. Those bad worldly people treated me and my kids with love and kindness. What I always believed and tried to be as a witness. So, because I moved twice, the infamous 'cards' kinda got lost in the shuffle as I stopped attending meetings while living with the folks. For 3 years no contact, then 1 elder tried to call and encouraged me to go to meetings and I said I'd think about it. Then I moved in with an amazing man who's now my husband and great father to my kids, I told my family that we had made a vow of faithfulness while we worked out legal issues to civil marriage (73 wt article I think. I printed it and gave it to them ). Several convos with the folks who actually agreed with me and because of the familial trauma of sexual abuse made the choice to support me instead of punish me with shunning like my sis does. So I told them that based on the ARC and like issues I am a "conscientious objector" of the Orgs policy on child sexual abuse and I can't in good conscience go out to people to covert them into this org until they implement policies that better support and protect victims. The beliefs argument doesn't fly because of the cult personality. In my cases, being a survivor, I use the ARC and personal abuse to empower me and the Congo leaves me alone. Side note, my folks came to my wedding and were called before the CO for attending in support of a marriage to unbeliever...my dad stepped down and told me that he wouldn't have missed it and he chose me over his position. Hooray! So, bottom line, my experience at successful fade is this: drop off attendance, change congos if able, don't return phone calls, stay polite in public run-ins with friends, when pressed state the ARC report concerns you and you are inactive as a conscientious objector due to the policies found by experts that disadvantage abuse survivors and it bothers you , you regularly check the orgs updates via online videos and stay up to date, etc., and thank them for their encouragement when they recommend you go to meetings. I personally have read Coc etc., done my research and am a full-blown malcontent to doctrines but who cares. They don't need me to impose my views on them and if I'm ever asked would share freely what I've learned, but the "cult personality" as defined by Mr Hassan, takes over and it's not worth it. Better for me to live my life blessed and happier then before and that's a better witness for my choice then arguing right or wrong. My kids say, just do you! Great Advice. I don't recognize their view the Congo has authority over me so I don't bother with the elder thingy. Don't open the letters, return to sender, don't return calls. The elders need to reply to CO that they tried, they will drop it. Most, I'd bet, don't want to pursue a former friend. Anyway, that's the long and short of my experience and perhaps it helps. I'm happy to talk to anyone who needs a friend, please message me. Happy Living! Love conquers all.
