Well here am I, a couple of years passed since my original post (link here), somewhat less mysoginistic, more open to relationships, heartbroken again. This is an official "fuck my life" thread.
Being chased by the elders makes one arrive at the conclusion that there is nothing better than not being chased by the elders. I had a pre-jc meeting a week ago. It was about me not attending meetings, and well, i might became a smoker... turns out that's something they are aware as well. "So why did you agree to meet with them" you may ask.
I moved back to my home country despite the fact that I had the perfect peace of mind in the UK. I was off the map as far as the borg is concerned. If my mom's financial situation wouldn't be a complete failure I might have stayed. I was offered a remote working position, that was it, the possibilty of working from home, in my home country, making lots of money. I couldn't refuse this offer, it was a tough choice between financial security and the peace of mind.
Fast forward couple of months, i am back home, making 6 times the average salary here, age 22. Not bad, I am told. Such an opportunity opens a lot of doors for a young guy in terms of social circles. I could afford to pretend to be the rich guy now. Friends tell me, you have everything now, you just need to find a girl...
I knew that was a bad idea, i know myself, that i fall in love with every girl who pays a little attention. After all, i never was in a relationship, the thought of somebody being attracted to me was a foreign one. Heck, i have better chances at securing a position at google than meeting the love of my life and not becoming that emotionally crippled person i always suspected I am.
So the pre-jc meeting happened and everybody left the kh with a big smile, reassured that brother Tom loves jehovah, he is just a bit confused and needs time to reevaluate his life. That's done. The elders gonna shut up for a while.. hopefully.
To properly celebrate the outcome of the meeting, i went to a party with a friend of mine. The music wasn't my taste, and i didnt wanna drink too much (hint there is no crap music, you just need to drink enough). I was about to leave, went up to my mate who was hitting on a girl already, without any particular success. I had a brief conversation before with Kate while ordering drinks. I noticed her tattoo on her left arm. "Are those swords" i asked. "Nah, they are scissors, i am a hair stylelist". So I was about to leave, and something unexpected happened: Kate drag my hands initiated a sort of behaviour which third parties would call dance moves. And boy, we danced. I am not very good at it, but a couple of shots of jeigermaster does magic... Then smoke break outside. She asks me to hold her purse while she is at the bathroom, but made up her mind, after all she didn't wanna go in there alone. So she grabs me, i shut the door, we start making out like our life depends on it. This was new, nobody before tried to hook up with me. I always needed to make the first move, never succeeded. But she, she was turned on by me.
She whispered in my ears, "you know if a girl loves you she asks you to take her home. Take me home". Thats it. I was officially blown away, so proud of my social skills. So we get into a cab and I take her to my place. She starts getting her clothes off. I couldnt beleieve that this is happening. We had sex. Then she told me she was very into me and she loves my style, she feels something about me that she cant explain, despite the fact that we just met. I told her i felt the same way. Then she started crying... she told me how bad of a person she was and im gonna find somebody prettier and better than her. She was pretty. I knew this was too good to be true.
She had a boyfriend. She had been in a relationship for 2 years and the guy had some serious plans (engagement etc). I felt like something just broke inside me, the happiest moments in my life shortly followed by the sadest realization that there is nothing i can do about this. She was into me but wouldnt wanna risk her stable life for a new relationship.
Next morning, she asked me to never contact her again. No facebook messages, nothing. I could almost cry right over there. She told me so many things that made me fall in love with her. I could sense that even though i didnt know her, i loved her. We parted ways.
Of course i tried to contact her but she didnt reply. I barely slept all week and i am constantly reanalizing every bit of our brief relation. The words she said... she didnt feel that way, she just didnt wanna hurt me. Probably she does this to every other guy when she goes out partying. Or maybe not. Maybe she did really felt something that night.
In any case, i am devastated now. There is nothing i can do to make this thing work between her and I which is annoying. The first person in my life who says she fallen in love with me, couple of hours later asks me not to see her again. I mean, what the actual fuck?
And thats why girls are cruel and use us, man, as toys. If you wanna get laid, dont tell the guy you love him, just get laid. That way nobody gets hurt.