Interesting concept Little Witch. I suppose that is true.
I just never even let myself think about being with someone else because I thought it was so wrong..
even if now I enjoy and need things that were considered taboo for JWs..
Infidelity amongst JWs
by YellowLab 64 Replies latest jw experiences
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little witch
But there are two different (albeit equally as screwed up and artificial) rules for men, and women in dubdom.
There is a distinction made between a man and a woman. Men are always right, held in high regard, leaders of the household, etc....
That pressure would kill me.....
Now women are to be keepers of the home, sole responsibility for children, dirty dishes, squalling children (use a wooden spoon if necessary), and able to work miricles with the paltry income of our devine window washing husbands!
That pressure kills me too..
What a miserable existance for all involved.....
Add to that 50 "loving brothers and sisters" who want to introvene into a private relationship for the self- sacrificing cause of being hobers favorite, and viola! Misery for all.
I am not judging..I just saw the BS for what it was long before others.
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Maverick
Little witch was a good point but I think it covers only half of the equation. Some duds will only get involved with people who have no clue they are duds or even know anything about JW's. The advantage is if the dud gets found out he or she may not get DF'd right off. The non dud will not usually come in for questioning and the Elders have to take the duds word for things. Also the Elders will ask the dud if the worldly person knows that the "sinner" is a JW. If they are convinced the non JW has no knowledge of the duds religion they may just reprove the dud. Many adulteress duds like non dud lovers because they are less likely to get ratted out to the Elders. The other person is "outside the loop"! Maverick
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CruithneLaLuna
This topic touches on an area about which I would have a lot to say, if I could figure out how to articulate it. I will try.
People will be people. We all have "good" and "bad" inclinations. For example, most married men will on the one hand have an inclination to be faithful to their wives, but on the other hand be occasionally tempted, to varying degrees, to be unfaithful. (Same for married women relative to their husbands.) This is a basic human experience, common to people of all belief systems, religious or otherwise. Whether or not infidelity occurs depends on how one deals with the temptation.
My opinion based on observation and experience is this: JWism posits a range of acceptable thought / speech / behavior, as opposed to "sinful" thought / speech / behavior, that is very narrow and in general quite unrealistic. The religion is strongly dualistic, and as we know the penalties for sin imposed by the org, both in concrete physical terms (shunning) and spiritually (loss of one's relationship with Jehovah and the hope of everlasting life), are so severe that it seems to me that JWism puts people in a context that the normal human mind and emotions have a very difficult time adjusting to.
In fact, it may be impossible to be fully human, and be a JW, at the same time. I can't speak for others, but I think this was definitely true for me. Since I left the org, my mission basically has been to find out what it means to be fully human, and be as fully human as possible from moment to moment. While that doesn't mean being a hedonist and/or being "bad for the fun of it," it does mean frankly and fearlessly embracing and integrating my "shadow side," not hating myself for it or thinking I'm a bad and unworthy person because of it.
A psychologist could express and elaborate on this better than I, but I believe that the psychologically unhealthy environment of "the Truth" tends to effectively create and promote many of the moral "aberrations" that it officially and overtly deplores. In other words, if you take some moral offenders (including unfaithful husbands / wives) out of the context of the organization and its belief system, and give those people a chance for some real personal growth, they may choose, and be better able, to avoid repeating their misconduct given a less "insane," unnatural, and stressful life context outside of the organization.
My view on this is largely speculative. I would LOVE to see a substantive analysis of these kinds of things, based on thorough research. (I'm not doing a Web search right now, so if someone else does so and finds this kind of materail, fine - please post the links.)
Cruithne
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FlyingHighNow
People will be people. We all have "good" and "bad" inclinations. For example, most married men will on the one hand have an inclination to be faithful to their wives, but on the other hand be occasionally tempted, to varying degrees, to be unfaithful. (Same for married women relative to their husbands.) This is a basic human experience, common to people of all belief systems, religious or otherwise. Whether or not infidelity occurs depends on how one deals with the temptation.
This is so true.Thank you for this intelligent addition to the thread.
I believe a lot of JWs marry incompatible mates. There are few potential mates to choose from and many JWs marry for the wrong reasons. The headship arrangement causes unhappiness for both sexes in a big number of marriages. There is also the hopelessness and despair of being in a big mismatch and not seeing a way out.
Heather
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mouthy
IMHO there is not more infidelity in JW than anywhere else... But in LIFE -forbidden fruits is still the draw to all humans I find. Only the most loyal to themselves & their mates fight the temptations, I do believe there is more break ups in the JWs than a lot of other religions is because when their hormons was raging at 15,16,17,18,19 20, They were told to marry if their passions were overriding their love of the BORg,,, So many wanted to please God but because the temptation has brought down Kings, countries, Lords, Ladies etc= SEX!!!!They did the mariage thing ( some as virgins Men/& women) they then found out sex & going door to door together wasnt enough-SO they looked elswhere. I feel great pity for the youngsters in the WT... In most of the other religions I have gone to listen to--- they teach FORGIVENESS -if you ask for it....But JWs" Mark" you & are like elephants ( THEY DONT FORGET. . An Old Bro? hit on me about six weeks after his wife died .... I felt so sorry for him ....Told him he was just horny- & GOD gave him a hand -& it stopped right at that place. I dont think he thought I was a very "Christian Sister" Sorry if I offend any of you but I tell it like I think it is
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FlyingHighNow
Sorry if I offend any of you but I tell it like I think it is
You don't offend me, Mouthy, I always love your comments! I like this one, too:
They did the mariage thing ( some as virgins Men/& women) they then found out sex & going door to door together wasnt enough-SO they looked elswhere.
Yes, and I bet they found out JW sex wasn't exactly lightening and thunder either. Talk about the Madonna/Whore complex, it's more like the Madonna/Madonna complex. And I don't mean the Madonna with cones, whips and chains Madonna either. I'm talking the pure and virginal one many brothers expected their wives to be before and after marriage.
Heather
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BeautifulGarbage
Who, but a fool, would break up a comfortable, safe, happy family life over a sporadic or one-time sexual liason? Only someone with a sense of personal insecurity and a satanic possession complex. But I notice that women who receive monogamous attention are often amused by the devotion they receive. ("my man is under my thumb") I refuse to play women's game.
Monogamy needlessly empowers women to something they simply have never been entitled to - evolutionarily or morally.
Shhhhhhh! Don't tell my husband!
(Thank goodness I have a big thumb!)
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CruithneLaLuna
I said something in my previous reply about wishing for someone to better articulate my perceptions about he way JWism actually works. I didn't find it in the words of a psychologist, but in an article in a Pagan magazine. "Gothic Paganism argues that you cannot banish the shadow side of your soul, and if you [try to], then you deny part of your power and invite it to wreak havoc by breaking loose at inopportune moments. The premise goes, if you want to achieve real growth, you must acknowledge what holds you back before you can overcome it." I am not a Gothic Pagan, but this argument resonates strongly with me, along with the further (Jungian) idea that embracing and integrating the "evil" or dark side of one's personality is ultimately beneficial. It's those who cannot integrate such things successfully that end up hurting themselves and others. (Gee, that's all of us, to some degree, isn't it?) I don't see it so much as an issue of "overcoming" part of one's nature as of directing that energy into healthy channels. JWism doesn't allow one to do that (without tremendous and painful guilt).
George
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Cassiline
Who, but a fool, would break up a comfortable, safe, happy family life over a sporadic or one-time sexual liason? Only someone with a sense of personal insecurity and a satanic possession complex. But I notice that women who receive monogamous attention are often amused by the devotion they receive. ("my man is under my thumb") I refuse to play women's game.Monogamy needlessly empowers women to something they simply have never been entitled to - evolutionarily or morally.
CZAR
Your statement implys that only men ?cheat? that women do not. I know of many men who act so 'foolishly' as you describe. What makes your statement even more so outrageous is it seems you forget men were behind the so called rules of monogamy in marriage.I seem to remember it was men and are men who decided this Christianity should be in place and made the rules. Men said marriage need be between two souls. Men who burned women for witchcraft when this was far from fact. Men who preside in and have for hundreds of years the highest positions in clergy to assure one remains monogamous in marriage. Men who made these rules.
How many women were in positions of authority to make such decisions? LMAO at your statement. Somehow turning something men demanded throughout history onto women who are empowered with what, when they are angered by a man who breaks one of his very own rules?
Men who make the rules. MEN who wanted such. I look on and laugh even harder at your statement when reading about women who at this moment in time are being stoned by men for not remaining monogamous.Who is under whose thumb again?
Cassi