My Mama

by Sentinel 24 Replies latest social family

  • Double Edge
    Double Edge
    and silently wait for my opportunity to bravely venture where I had not gone before. Once I became a young woman, my mother could never accept this part of me into her life as she was a strict dogmatic religious zealot, and it put a wedge between us.

    Well, one things for sure, your mother is a very strong person who sticks to her beliefs, and you know what, as the saying goes, the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree - you mirror your mother's strength, and that's a good thing. You have to be true to yourself, and I know that you know that. My mother's about the same age. Sometimes I think that they become sooooo ridged in their beliefs because it is familiar and easy to handle.... change is very difficult for most 'seniors', it doesn't matter what the subject is. I also know that moms have a special relationship with their children that nothing or no one can extinguish, and so too it is with your mother, whether she acknowledges it or not. I'm sure many things are playing on her mind right now in this time of uncertainity, but in the quiet moments of tender memories, you are undoubtedly being recalled with the warmest thoughts of love and appreciation...how can it be otherwise, mothers are just 'made' that way. Love conquers all......take care.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  • Mulan
    Mulan

    I am so sorry you are facing this. I just don't get why some JW's cut off their families, and others don't. Why do some take such a hard line? My mother has never cut off my brother or me. My brother has been df'd for 27 years, but she has a warm relationship with him. She is a devout JW but says "family is family", and that's that in her mind. I think Mom will have some deathbed plea for us, but I'll face that when it comes.

    Anyway, I'm sorry your mother is one of the hard ones.

    I would tend to agree with you to stay away, and keep your good memories. That's what I would do, I am quite certain. The fact that she hasn't asked for you, is an indication of where her heart is. Don't expose yourself to more pain.

  • DanTheMan
    DanTheMan

    I'm sorry to hear about your mother Sentinel. It is unfortunate that many JW's can't even show basic humanity towards their own relatives. Very sad indeed.

  • Sentinel
    Sentinel

    Just a quick note to let you know that the waiting game is back on. Surgery has now been moved forward another week, until the 18th. I dislike the delay, but with the blood issue and her anemia, she is high risk. She called herself this evening with the news, and that she is disappointed my brother will have to return home Sunday and not be with her afterall. Very business like. No invitation to be with her. Her faith gives her a high confidence and a level of superiority; she says she is ready, no matter what happens. Once she goes under, she won't know if it doesn't work out. Of course, it would be difficult if she survived the surgery and then had complications and died. There was something on the news today about some political figure who went through the operation a day ago, and that's what happened to him today.

    Thanks so much DoubleEdge, DanTheMan, and Mulan. I am on the verge of tears right now, but am trying to keep control of myself. So much going on, and so little control that any of us have in regard to our fragile life. I do know that my mother loves me the best she can, and feels that she is making this sacrifice of shunning us, to please her Jehovah. I am leaning on my good memories from times past.......it was just so good to hear her voice on the phone one more time.

  • DanTheMan
    DanTheMan

    Sentinel, you're making me cry!

  • Sentinel
    Sentinel

    So sorry Dan, didn't mean to make you cry.

    Actually, today I'm a bit depressed. It's so like me to try to maintain this outward control, but the insides of my body know what's going on and I can't escape it. I have to acknowledge these feelings and let them out for the sake of my physical and emotional wellbeing.

    I'm glad I had today off from work so I could have some R & R. During the daytime, with the house so still, and only the sounds of the clock on the wall, the furnace coming on and off, an ocassional airplane going over, or the sound of a car passing by, I've been able to quietly ponder my favoraite memories and even took a nap.

  • Sentinel
    Sentinel

    Update: The countdown has begun. Surgery is tomorrow, Dec. 18th. She goes in at 5:30AM and it begins at eight. She is having one valve replaced and one bypass. I'm still trying to get more specific information about the "type" of surgery. I am wondering if they will do the new "Robotic-Assisted Cardiac Surgery". This is where they only have to make three small holes for the robotic arms. They say it is safer, less blood loss, and reduced healing time with less infection. I'm still gathering information.

    Word is from family that I will receive a "health-update-related" phone call from her this evening. (this is allowed by her conscience.) I don't want to get into the details of the operation with her. I want to be strong and have good things to say and try to remember that this could very well be our last conversation...ever. Her blood count is still low ( 12.5) and so it is very high risk. The waiting is the most difficult for all of us. Tomorrow this time it will all be over, one way or another. She will be alone, without any of her children, but she is a solid JW and very strong. Of course, her children are all so far away, and most are "out of favor". My brother visited her last week but had to go back home. She will have her sister with her. Hopefully, her friends at the KH will show her love and compassion during this time.

    /<

  • acsot
    acsot

    ((((Sentinel)))) I know what it feels like to try and be the "strong" one; it's not really worth it though, is it? You pay a very high price. I hope you have someone (human or even a pet) with whom you can let go and have a good cry and not be "strong". Write in a journal; write here on the forum; have a bubble bath and light some candles and put on some soothing music; do something for you. She is your mom, though, and it's damn hard to turn off feelings the way we did as JWs.

    I'm thinking of you.

    Ac

  • cruzanheart
    cruzanheart

    Dear Sentinel, I'm sorry I didn't post on this thread earlier, but please know that my thoughts are with you and your mother. My dad had triple bypass surgery when he was in his sixties, with NO blood, and he came through it just fine.

    Keep us posted, okay?

    Love,

    Nina

  • PurpleV
    PurpleV

    Dear Sentinel

    My father had aneurysm diease (artery bulges) and was operated on SIX TIMES for this (including a full aorta replacement), and twice more for carotid artery cleanout, and he did this all without blood. He had a low blood count for one of them (11.5) but they had no choice but to go in and replace it because it was about to burst. He was in his 70's for two of these. He did get albumin though, which at the time had just been "allowed" by our evil spirit-directed leaders.

    It's amazing how resilient the human body is. His will to live was strong... if your mom's is too that can really help the body deal with the blood loss.

    I wish you all the best, and I respect your decision not to go a great deal. Hang on to those happy memories... they will really help.

    Ironically, at the bitter end, when he was dying of cancer, his blood count dropped to 6 and the doctor said if it drops more you will "positively die." He took a transfusion then, and rallied but it was too late. He died a couple months later just weeks shy of 80.

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