"I still miss it Dad" My 41 Year Son Admitted (page 2)

hybridous

Perhaps what he really means is (and I've felt this myself)...

We miss the comfort of the comradery and certainty.

Of course, the comradery hinges on the certainty of the belief system. And once that certainty fails, the comradery fails once a person can no longer go thru the motions.

And then we realize that the comfort we derived from these delusions - was false as well.

I do know the sentiment, though. I still hold places in my heart for all my childhood friends in the religion. We are all in the same boat, so-to-speak...stuck there to validate our parents' delusions.

Go ahead and meet these people later in life...life has a way of dragging us in divergent directions. See how very, very little you have in common with these people now - especially if you left the religion and they remained within.

I think we miss the comfort of things as they were. Knowing now that it was a false comfort helps to lessen the sting. If we were comfortable, it's because we were ignorant.

SnakesInTheTower

I have ONE friend who, even after I left JW, still is my friend. He was my best man in my wedding (to a Catholic, but by a non denominational preacher friend) in 2011, 4 years after I walked away. Recently I have had issues with a hopefully soon to be former coworker. My friend told me he would, at his expense, fly back from Florida to the midwest if I needed a character reference.in court. THAT is a true friend.

I have my JW 76 year old mom who still cares deeply for me and is coming to visit me and my non JW wife next month. Even if I were DF, I think she would not shun me.

I, too, miss my old friends, but like any situation (i.e., work, school, church, etc.), these often end up as situational friends. Over time, MOST end up fading away because we don't see them regularly once we aren't around them.

I think Zoom and COVID will break up friendships at local Kingdom Halls. Or, like my mom, will strengthen a few select friends.

Snakes (Rich)

Mr.Finkelstein

Answer = make good friends without the pretentiousness, corruption and force arranged by certain religions.

Not all religions are highly controlling "Cult Like" the JWS religion.

LongHairGal

MAGNUM:

I understand what you mean because I remember that hopeful vibe from the ‘70s and ‘80s you mention.

I confess that a while back I was looking at JW FB Friends lists and longing for the friendships I never had in the Witness religion. It was hopeless and out of my reach. I believe it was because I wasn’t born-in and there was a bias against people who weren’t born-in (which is particularly stupid for a religion looking for converts).. ALSO, it was because of my full-time job... So, I was relegated to the ‘fringes’. A few people were nice - mostly elderly.

When I looked back I realized it must have been obvious to these elderly that I was left out.. Even though it was sad these younger people weren’t my friends (and avoided me because they were encouraged to) 🙄 how would their ‘friendship’ have helped me NOW if I hadn’t had my job back then for Retirement planning?? These people wouldn’t be supporting me.

I can understand if you would not want to see certain people again - especially if you were treated badly or talked about. The JW religion causes people to treat others badly and this can never be forgiven, in my opinion.

Lightgrowsbrighter

1234: Good post and all good comments!

I was born in and grew up totally immersed in the JW life, along with most of my extended family- I’m 3rd gen. Parents still hard core even in their 70’s and my wife’s in their 80’s. I started fading 20 years ago and left for good over 10 years ago, but I still miss some of the camaraderie, social things, and the feeling that we’re really a worldwide brother hood. Some of the good of living a basic Christian lifestyle and Christian community shine through even the JW’s (moral standards taught, community support within the group, etc). We’re human and like to be part of healthy groups.

It’s so sad that high control groups like JW’s abuse what should be a good thing to keep people in line. JW love and support is totally conditional and this becomes so obvious when one questions ANY JW policy. The Bible concept of Christian freedom under the umbrella of the ‘Golden Rule’ is crushed by many of the JW policies that should be personal choices.

It is hard to start over and make new friends, especially today with how divided and suspicious society in general has become. I have been able to have build a few pretty solid friendships though. I think being a long time conditioned JW permanently changes the way we look at people and that makes it tougher to build new relationships.

Alive!

I stopped going to meetings around 7-8 years ago.

I was in my mid 50s at the time - over 25 years of building and forging rich friendships. Yes, yes, I know - so you could say they were not ‘real’ friends. But deeply close friendships stay in your heart.

Also, I know that politics can put distance between the closest friendships.

I’m sure that If I became a passionate and vocal Neo- Nazi supporter, I’d lose all my current friends - and I wouldn’t blame them.

The problem is that for witnesses, there are only two sides in this world - Jehovah’s side and Satan’s side. You stop going to meetings, stop nodding vigorously to all the teachings....that’s Satan’s ‘side’ to the JW.

EVEN though you may still honour and keep Scriptural living standards etc...even if you still keep faith in God... to the Witness, you can only be understood as having moved to the dark side.

Do I miss them? Do I miss the security of community, the decades old relationships?

Oh yes. It hurts.

But being with them was hurting too.

Have made some sweet new friends, it takes time. Fortunately I had non-witness friends who I’d known prior to converting who are still part of my life.

But I have to say, it’s hard to just forget those particularly close friends who remain in the org. They were family to me.

1234

Alive!

Said perfectly

snare&racket

True friends don't care what you believe, they were religious acquaintances with conditional friendship. Sad but true.

"I still miss it Dad" My 41 Year Son Admitted

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