I need to vent sorry!

by KerryKing 15 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  KerryKing

  I couldn't get back to sleep last night, something my father said a few weeks ago popped into my head.

  We were talking about obtaining citizenship, he doesn't need it, but was contemplating what benefits it could get him now he's a pensioner.

  Background : I've been disfellowhipped for 15 years, I was born in, he is an elder, very much pimi, he was also born in.

  I said to him how citizenship would be difficult for him as it would require him to swear allegiance to the state?

  Oh he said, thats just a crowd of people together in a big room for the swearing in event, it would be easy to just mumble or say nothing, nobody would know.

  This has quietly been eating away in my mind, why did it bother me?

  Last night it hit me, when I was in my first year of school, age 5, I came out of school one day with a balloon with two little pencils attached, a gift from a classmate who's birthday it was, every child got one. Walking home with my mother, she said how said Jehovah was that I had accepted a birthday party gift, and how happy Satan was. As she walked on, she heard a bang behind her, I had stuffed the balloon and pencils into the nearest bin.

  I have no memory of this, but I have grown up with the story and my parents pride in 'my decision' to please Jehovah.

  This doesnt even touch on all the explanations in school about why I didn't celebrate birthdays, xmas, easter, halloween, valentines, or play sports, participate in school plays etc etc. From the age of 5, I was expected to and emotionally blackmailed to live up to the standards of my parents religion.

  Then last night I remembered all those kids in the USA and elsewhere who had to deal with national anthems and flag saluting at their schools, it was always in the WT, and us kids were constantly being reminded how good and brave those kids were, how loved by Jehovah.

  And now, the parents who held us to those standards, who told us we would die at Armageddon if we didn't, are doing the very thing we were practically blackmailed and bullied into not doing.

  Right now I feel angry, and its the first time in 15 years that I have felt angry, betrayed actually.

  They can't live up to the standards they set for their own children, and crumble at the first hurdle.

  Am I completely over reacting?? Am I just rambling through insomnia??

  And if I'm not nuts, should I have this conversation with my parents, or is it too late? Maybe venting here is the best way to release? 🙊
• 

  fedup

  I can honestly say that many JW kids have similar experiences. The hypocrisy we grew up with really sticks with us as we get older. Our parents acted one way at home, then put on a "spiritual" face at meetings or in service. I have a ton of stories like this, especially when it comes to elders who expected perfection from us, but their families were given a pass. It's healthy to vent about it, but my advice is to let it go. The sooner you do, the better it will be for your peace of mind. Don't put your parents through the same guilt and pressure that they and the organization put on you. It's just not worth it.
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  Sea Breeze

  @KerryKing

  No need to apologize. You are waking up to what happened to you. Your sub-conscious mind (SCM) is throwing memories up to your reasoning mind (RM) for you to examine. In this case, your SCM wants you to compare the ease in which your supposedly righteous father is willing to lie in public under oath (lying is a violation of one of the 10 commandments), while at the same time belonging to a religion that uses unbiblical rules to threaten eternal destruction for small children that receive a balloon on a classmates' birthday. Which is not a sin at all, but only a simple celebration of life.

  And, that's what they are - RULES , not "standards" as you put it. A very wise man who lived 2000 years ago once said, "Jesus said to them, “Watch out for the leaven of the Pharisees and Sadducees.”

  The Pharisees were the rule makers that put heavy loads on others that they themselves were not willing to bear. The Saducees embraced unbelief. Both are equally dangerous to your soul according to him.

  For 2000 years people have tended to believe him because he was a man of utmost character and predicted that he would die as a lamb, in our place as a ransom, and resurrect himself from the dead, while he was dead - then he did it.

  For me, his warnings have provided a much-needed framework in which to process the utter train wreck of a life given to me by my devout JW parents.
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  AtLeastImNot

  I told my children If someone is kind enough to give you a gift, then graciously accept it. No need to explain in that moment. I know some JWs would be aghast at my instructions. But they are not, on the whole, a tactful or mannerly bunch.

  If Jehovah is that fussy, do you really want to worship him?
• 

  peacefulpete

  Actually, the US government is more accommodating than the WT.

  Chapter 3 - Oath of Allegiance Modifications and Waivers | USCIS
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  TonusOH

  Remember how the GB treated brothers in Malawi versus brothers in Mexico: On the one hand, even an insignificant act was seen as too political to allow, a view that led to the most horrific suffering of JWs in Malawi. On the other hand, convenience was far more important than integrity, allowing brothers in Mexico the option of paying illegal bribes to government officials instead of refusing military service.

  Asking the rank-and-file to maintain their integrity to the very last is dishonorable, when the organization asking this is willing to put aside its integrity and honor for the sake of convenience.
• 

  Magnum

  Perfectly valid, justified rant.

  They can't live up to the standards they set for their own children, and crumble at the first hurdle.

  That reminds me of something related. The JW organization, through a video, urged children to give up their ice cream and then donate to the org the money they could have used for such. However, GB member Tony Morris was video-recorded buying hundreds of dollars worth of fine Scotch, and in general, JW adults don't give up their "ice cream" money. But, oh, the children, they can give up theirs. It should be the other way around.

  Also, I grew up in the 70's and 80's - a time when long hair on guys was in style. However, during that time I was taken by my JW mother to barbershops and given brutal buzzcuts. I would feel sick having to go to school the next day after a buzzcut and stand out when all the other guys had longer hair. However, during this time I remember my mother's being deeply concerned about her own hair and wanting to be in style. She was deeply concerned about her looks. She would always get a suntan before some event, get her hair colored, etc., yet, when it came to me and my looks and my wanting to fit in, oh, it didn't matter. Oh, it's just hair.. who cares? She couldn't put herself in my place. The sixth, seventh, and eighth grades were hard on me because of the way I stood out because of my hair.

  Another one: I was allowed to play sports because my dad was not a JW. In the eight grade, I was on the football "B" team (junior varsity). I had a game on a Thursday night. My mother was driving me to the game, but, on the way, she stopped to pick up a friend of hers who was going. They were taking their time, engaging in shallow, stupid gossip and small talk, etc. The clock was ticking and I was getting nervous because I didn't want to be late. On the way, I mentioned something to my mother about the time and she just passed it off as if it didn't matter. When we arrived, the team was already on the field. I had to run to the dressing room, put on my pads and uniform, and run down the hill to the football field. Back then (1970's), coaches did stuff to us that would literally get them arrested today. One thing they would do to us for punishment was make us lie on the ground during practice and have about ten or fifteen other guys pile on top of us. We couldn't expand our lungs and breathe. It was like drowning. I saw guys cry because of the treatment. I had that done to me for being late. So, my being late might have been insignificant to my mother, but it wasn't to me; I got severely punished for it. She didn't want to be late for things important to her, but it didn't matter if I was late to things important to me.

  To this day, I resent my mother for such things... like the double standard. She has not changed; she's still like she was back then.
• 

  StephaneLaliberte

  Your feeling of betrayal is understandable given everything you've explained. However, there's one thing you left out: time.

  A lot of time has passed since your youth. You no longer hold the same religious views as you did back then. It's safe to assume that your dad's views have also changed, though perhaps not as drastically. This likely includes his views on the citizenship ceremony. Today, there are options that were once to be avoided at all costs. But you, your dad, and even his religion have changed.

  So why the feeling of betrayal? Perhaps it's because your dad hasn't admitted to you that he was wrong back then and that his views have since evolve?

  I don't know about you, but I don't believe I suffered significantly from not celebrating many holidays and other things. What made it an excruciating experience for me however were those who bullied me, including adults! I was constantly ridiculed, hit, spat upon, and my things were vandalized — all because I wouldn't celebrate Christmas, date girls, or stand up for the national anthem. Today, even though I celebrate those holidays and sing the national anthem at hockey games, none of that changes the fact that those kids and adults who bullied me were absolutely reprehensible, far more than my religion and my parents who raised me in it.

  Today, I look ahead and don't spend much time thinking about who did what wrong and how long. You're parents are probably getting older and if they still talk to you despite being disfellowshipped, you know what? Take it as a blessing. People don't have to ask for forgiveness for you to "get over" things they've done. Just see your parents as flawed individuals who, despite all their flaws, still love you and always did.
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  Beth Sarim

  This is the problem with child indoctrination.

  You inherit a belief system which,,, you had no choice in. You have to defend them.. When confronted with facts proven otherwise. Then you cant defend them.

  🙂
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  NotFormer

  Nope, not overreacting at all. A more blatant display of hypocrisy you're not likely to see.

  Your parents were safely at work and at home while childhood you was having to navigate the strictures of their religion. They never had to see or feel what you went through.

  The religion loathed children. They were useless impediments to "da werk".

  I've heard that Stalin used to enjoy reading letters from the gulags, from innocent people who had been victimised by his policy that a certain percentage of citizens from every sector of society were sent on trumped up charges, guilty or not. The GB probably similarly enjoy the stories of suffering among the lesser JWs, especially those about children missing out on a normal childhood. Harsh and hyperbolic on my part? Yes. But you all already know how much I despise those guys and people like them.