Which is worse - a JW wedding or a JW funeral?

by jgnat 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • 144001
    144001

    The wedding seems worse to me, as it is only the beginning of a bad decision (i.e. to marry a JW). In theory, the funeral seems to be a much happier event, because the misery that is life as a Jehovah's Witness is finally over for the decedent.

    I went to a JW funeral a couple of years ago. It was my first attendance of a JW event in probably over a decade. I was disgusted by the lack of tribute/testament to the life of the decedent exhibited by the one individual who was permitted to speak at the funeral. The hour lecture could have been reduced to the following statement: "Brother X devoted his entire life to servitude to Jehovah. If you want to get to where he's going, you need to do the same." The deceased seemed to me to be the luckiest man there, because his death relieved him of having to attend the funeral or listen to the lecture that was given there.

    The funeral was a "spiritual reunion" of sorts for my family as well. It had been decades since my siblings and I had attended any sort of religious event together. I watched the "friends" our family had known for decades shun my siblings, in a very conspicuous and cold manner. Those same "friends" had the presence of mind to be kind to me, as I had neither been baptized nor df'd. All the love given to our family by Jehovah's loving organization culminated with an ugly, profanity-laced argument between myself and another family member in the kingdom hall parking lot. It created a rather interesting scene for the Jehovah's Witnesses to observe, and probably supported their convictions that only worldly people are immoral enough to use profanity in a heated argument.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    I think a striking similarity between the two - wedding and funeral - is the sublimation of the individual to the all-important organization. That, plus the ditching of any events that celebrate landmarks in a person's life (birthdays, mother's day, Christmas day), speaks volumes on how valuable individual members are to the society (regardless of how vehemently the organization denies it).

    From an outsider's point of view, shunning and the shameless plugging of pet doctrines at weddings and funerals are huge turn-offs. In that sense, I think they are worse than assemblies. At least with assemblies, everybody "volunteered" to attend.

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Blondie, what is a JW reception like? During my teetotalling evangelical days we made them a night to remember with skits, songs, and a friendly roasting of the bride and groom. No dancing.

    What do JW's do to celebrate?

  • ESTEE
    ESTEE

    hmmmmm ... let's see ... let meee think ...

    a jw wedding ... no wait ... a jw funeral .... noo wait ... a jw wedding ... nooo wait ... a jw funeral ... noooo wait ... a jw wedding ... noooo wait ... a jw funeral ... a jw wedding ... no wait ... a jw funeral .... noo wait ... a jw wedding ... nooo wait ... a jw funeral ... noooo wait ... a jw wedding ... noooo wait ... a jw funeral ...

    Now I'm confused ...

    ESTEE

  • Surreptitious
    Surreptitious

    A fedding. Or was it a wuneral?

  • SheilaM
    SheilaM

    Good question for the ones involved I would say the wedding since at a funeral your dead and don't have to survive the bs they spew. Our wedding talk went on and on and on and on and on and on OHMYGODI had to have chairs

  • Satanus
    Satanus

    Weddings are worse, what w the 'three fold cord, that is not quickly broken' balogna. Jehovah, as the supposed inventor of and officer overseeing (voyer) a marriage makes it seem like it's totally nonprivate. He is also supposed to safeguard it, if the couple follows his rules. The latter is total fantasy, as is the former. Ugg.

    SS

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    I think it is a real toss up.

    Weddings proivide lots of opportuntiy to be emotionally prepared but that can also increase anxiety. If family members have to be shunned I think it adds extra stress and some people would have to repress their sadness at not having some people there while they follow the party line.

    Funerals on the other hand are usually at a time when the family is already in crisis mode. They have to go through the motions and pretned they are happy they will see their loved one in the paradise all the while hiding their grief (perhaps even from themselves)

    If you remove the shunning factor and just consider JW weddings vs funerals I think the funeral is worse. At a wedding at least there is some honor given to the couple. But at a funeral so often the person is forgotten and the family has to keep up appearances.

  • minimus
    minimus

    It depends upon who's dead.

  • razorMind
    razorMind
    Well the wedding means a couple is making it that much more difficult to leave a cult.

    And the funeral means the deceased never did!

    Unfortunately, I have been to funerals where the deceased was never even a JW, but the spouse was one (either hard-core or simply inactive)---and the funeral was conducted as a JW funeral, without even consulting the deceased's "worldly" family.

    I think a funeral is worse---an droning, agonizing spiel about JW beliefs (and also exhortation to have a Bible Study before it's "too late") and absolutely NOTHING about the deceased as a person.

    And I'm STILL obsessed with avoiding one at all costs (if anyone remembers my thread from a long time ago)

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