Poor Poor Pitiful Me

sandy

Poor Poor Pitiful Me..........

My Ex dumped me about 5 months ago now. Since then I have not let more than two weeks go by where I have not called him and broke down crying and pretty much begged for him to return to me.

During these five months I have managed to get involved with two people who are emotionally unstable. I wonder how that happened. LOL

I made a promise to myself (for what it seems to be the hundredth time) not to call my Ex at all. I am tired of begging and crying to him about how we should and could work things out. My brain tells me that forcing the situation will never work but as we all know logic never convinces a heart.

Well, deep down I know I need to do a lot of soul searching. I am not as happy as I can and want to be. I know the break-up was for the best but I am so afraid of being alone. That may be my biggest fear so I decided that I must face it.

I made a decision not to date anybody for the next year. I am going to truly focus on myself and what I want out of my life.

I am almost 28 years old and I feel behind most people my age. I have a descent job but I know I can do much better. I added an extra class to my school schedule for the upcoming semester. I am determined to make my life better for myself.

No more playing the role of a victim. I think I have earned a sufficient amount of Academy Awards in that category.

Thank you for taking the time to read my brief story. I posted this hoping to hear from any of you who would be so kind as to share with me your words of wisdom.

Thanks,

Sandy

simplesally

Good for you Sandy! You seem to have made up your mind to move on and become a happy person. Its hard to be alone, especially during the holidays. For me, I am so glad to have my daughter! She must say "I love you Mommy," 100 times a day. When I pick her up at daycare, she shouts, "I missed you my Mommy!" I think I would end up in a bad situation, living with or marrying the wrong guy again if I didn't have her. She is my concern and that means I could not think of living with a man, having a man sleep at my house or having her get to know another man until I am sure that he would be someone permanent in her life and that he was worthy of her!!!! Sad to say, she is protecting me in this way. Any dating I will do will be away from her eyes and on rare occasions......... really keeps the wolves away!

Sassy

I don't know that I have words of wisdom for you Sandy but I am thinking you are on the right track. We can only control our own actions in life and not those of others. By taking charge of your life and making decisions for you, I think you are doing some really positive things.

If begging never got him back, my opinion is that he never will. Sometimes we can't go back, even if we want to. By moving forward you will find a way to close a chapter of your life and yet open a new one.

Sentinel

(((Oh, Sandy))) It's so hard to let go, even when we know deep down, it is the best thing for us. It's just that we're so used to that "comfy ole place", even thought it might have been stiffling, non-productive, and un-loving. You don't like to be alone, and I can identify with that feeling. You might really enjoy being alone, once you've resolved some of your issues.

Well, now you've come to realize that the phone calls to the "X" are for naught. The humiliation is over. (You don't want to go back anyway, do you?) And, now you do have an excellent opportunity to start out new and make good decisions and good choices. The past cannot be changed, but the future can be whatever you make of it. It sounds like you've come to the cross-roads, and made the right turn. I wish you the best! Take care of yourself.

azaria

Hi Sandy,

I’m so sorry to hear about your story. I can only tell you of my own experience. You are still so young. Don’t let one person destroy your life. How do you know that you are behind most people; maybe most people your age act like they have it all together, but avoid the big issues in life. Some people never face those issues. So please don’t be so hard on your self.

I left my husband after 22 years of marriage. For the first year after I left I was happy with my life; truly content, never felt lonely. I was alone but not lonely, like I was at the house. I enjoyed coming home. I know now how difficult it can be to be alone and for one brief moment I weakened. I talked to my husband about going to a marriage encounter to see if there was anything left to salvage. He actually seemed happy about the possibility of a reconciliation. We had a really pleasant afternoon together, walking arm in arm in the park; it was a beautiful sunny day; we bumped into some friends. But as for the marriage encounter he thought it would cost too much money. After a couple of days when I still hadn’t heard from him, I knew the answer (actually I got my answer when he said it would cost too much money) I’m really not worth it to him; he just wants me to move back home and all would be exactly the same as it was before. I’m worth more than that. I don’t regret marrying him because I have two beautiful children; but then I sometimes wonder because of the mistake we made, are our children suffering. At the moment I’m not looking for anyone. Hopefully some day I will. I want to resolve some issues that have come about recently before I will consider any kind of relationship. It just wouldn’t be fair. So please be kind to yourself (and I’ll try to do the same) Hope my story helps you in some way. So many of us have been there. Hope it all works out for you. Listen to your gut; what you truly want in life.

sandy

Thank you all for sharing your kind comments and experiences with me. I really appreciate the support.

Sandy

Badger

(((sandy)))

You have so much to offer someone...Never feel that you have to settle!

Country_Woman

(((Sandy)))

Since you have made a decision, you will be able to leave all that mess behind you and built a new future.

just be happy and positive...

simplesally

Its sad that guys hate it even worse when they are begged to come back. Well then, I think its true for women too. If the shoe was on the other foot, you'd hate it if he was begging you. Either it would have happened naturally or it wouldn't.

Not dating for a year is good, if you can do it. If Prince Charming comes with a wood axe and breaks down the door, though, I'd hop on the horse.

Maverick

Sandy! Please don't take this the wrong way, I have no wish to hurt you. ...Get some self respect girl! Not dating for a year would be a good start. Quit beating yourself up! Don't tell yourself all those terrible things you say to yourself over and over in your head. If you want to attract the right kind of person you need to be the right kind of person yourself!

As a divorced, single parent, and a man, I know there are no clean deals in life. But any sane person wants to find someone with LESS perceived problems than they have! Be a grown-up and learn to lean on yourself. The funny thing is, the more you do that, the more others make themselves available to you.

I do hope things get better for you. But in the mean time you really need to come to terms with why you dislike yourself so much and turn that around. And hey! No more pity parties...OK? Maverick

Poor Poor Pitiful Me

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