Non Jw and Jw can the relationship last?

by Dayshdeess 27 Replies latest social relationships

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  JT

  It can work. My Mom (JW) and Dad(unbeliever) celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary last month. True love conquers alot i guess. Moms been in the truth since around 74 or 75.

  WHILE what this poster has said may be true in SOME CASES it all depends- case in point if a woman is married and THEN BECOMES a jw, it is here duty to be good with the hopes that one day she can WIN HIM OVER WITHOUT A WORD If a person is ALREADY A JW- And THEN you marry them , THAT IS A HORSE OF A DIFFERNT STORY take for example and correct me if i am wrong, you mentioned that you have sex with this Baptized jw- well let me tell you what i have seen happen over and over again i was an elder in a congo of 42 SINGLE WOMEN AND ALMOST to the man, each one that got married to a non-jw man, when they started having maritial problems and you will just naturally the female jw begins to think that it is due to the sin/sexa BEFORE MARRIAGE AND OFF they would come to me to confess, guilty is a bitc%- so here you have some non-jw guy who is married and his wife is telling 3 horny men how you licked her "Coochie" and got her Doggy style, while this is very graphic the fact is this is how IT IS DONE IN SO MANY ELDERS MEETIng WITH women who commit "Fornication" before marriage and the next thing you now THEY MAY EVEN CALL YOU IN - i have seen it done- so you situation is one where LATER ON she can and will (in my opinion) start to suffer from Guilt, unclean conscience, etc and at that point the Elders will become apart of your marriage and there AIN'T A THING YOU CAN DO- My ADVICE IS THE FOLLOWING- if you want to test her out-- try this and this is an eye opener If you have had sex with this women SINCE she has gotten baptized do the following tell here you have been doing some deep thinking and even praying to Jehovah and you want to have a clear conscience going into marriage and this sex thing has been nawing at you let her know that you feel the TWO OF YOU NEED TO talk to a pastor about it ask her which one, YOURS OR MINE, if she says yours tell her, you would perfer not, since you are not that close to your pastor, but SINCE she is closer to hers you all should speak to her pastor about the sex before marrigae, tell her you need to come clean on this issue i have had 7 person in the last 3 yrs do this and what they were able to see is just how the INNER WORKINGS OF JW REALLY IS it will open your eyes my man
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  jgnat

  Hmmmm. The JW's are not THAT different around the world. They pride themselves for their unity. They study the same damn magazine article TOGETHER on the SAME DAY for goodness' sake. It is not unusual for a JW to deny, deny, deny the wierder aspects of this religion. If your GF is studying, it is also part of the modus operandi of the study leader to downplay the weirder stuff until after baptism.

  JT's down and dirty approach would let you know REAL FAST how they stand. My husband was told he will DIE AT ARMAGEDDON and he has BETRAYED JEHOVAH by marrying me. I was told by the elders as they mildly held their bible, that they do not tell people how to live their lives, they simply show them, from the bible, how to live. Yaaah right. Then howcome they told my man that JEHOVAH WILL NOT HEAR HIS PRAYERS. No exaggeration here. Sure, they may be nice for a season. But the fangs come out as soon as they realize you are not an easy mark. I think you saw those fangs when your GF found out you were doing your own research.

  Or go to the KH. Count how many men are wearing beards. How many men are wearing a turtleneck sweater instead of a tie. Check how many men are needed to handle the mikes and read the magazine article. Then figure out what chores the women are permitted to perform. I counted one so far. Garbage collecting. What programs are available for the children? How many of the little boys are wearing ties? How many fellas come and shake your hand, ask where you are from, and manage to weasel out your "spiritual condition" before the end of the meeting? Are you invited over for coffee, tea, bookstudy? How many ask for your phone number? Is such uniformity of zeal "normal"? Do you want to look like them in a year or so?
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  mouthy

  I might be wrong.But I thought I read she was NOT baptised! & He is not a believer in God.Am I dreaming this up???I still say RUN!!! My husband was NOT a JW ---I became one after we were married. & the elders told me to endure with all I had to suffer -maybe my strong faith would let him become a JWs.... BUT if I DID leave him I was to take EVERYTHING Leave nothing for him.Well some things came true- after all the bashings- he came down with lung cancer - ( I had been preaching that Jehovah had said we should not smoke) so when he had it he felt I was right- He was one year & three months dying I looked after him till the day before he died( he was taken to hospital) he then wanted to be a JW because he said he knew I was a Christian....He was wrong I wasnt I just had what we all should have LOVE..... But she WILL get you I truly believe that....
• 

  Dayshdeess

  mouthy yes thats correct, I'm a complete whatever person when it come's to religion, absoluteley no interest at all, she's not been baptised, but say's she would be upon marriage.

  I'm going to get my hand's on a few of the impartial book's that have been mentioned in other post's and get some factual information, where I can actually load some ammunition into my view's and maybe make her see my side, not just have her shoot me down and dismiss my view's. It does not help my case that she has a job where she deals with irate caller's daily and easily win's an argument with them let alone me.

  That's all of us really want in life is love and to be happy, I am but like I keep telling there is a lot to be considered from my side, I couldnt bear to watch her die if it came down to the wire.
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  detective

  Been there, done that. This much I'll say- the jw/non-jw thing was absolute hell. Absolute hell.

  My story may instill a false hope, so I feel I must caution you to understand that the happy resolve to my situation is an exception. My friend decided to leave the witnesses. However, in doing so he lost contact with his parents and so-called friends as he is now shunned. He grapples with loss and rejection constantly. Psychologically, I'd say he's been more than a bit marred by his experiences growing up a believing JW (and leaving the group while still believing). I'd say the problems that stemmed from being raised in a cult- and yes you heard me correctly- a cult have permeated every aspect of his life. He has a long way to go as he recovers from his experience.

  There will still be troubles for him, despite the fact that he has left. Leaving is not a quick fix for years of psychological and emotional abuse instilled by his dysfunctional relationships that centered around being a member of a high-control group.

  In your girlfriends case, she is choosing to enter a destructive high-control group as a young adult. If she picked up a tambourine, donned a toga and shaved her head... you might get suspicious that she had joined a not so healthy group, right? Well, unfortunately, though youmay not see the obvious outward signs such as the krishna toga, something in your girls life has caused her to turn to a high-control group- a cult- for comfort. Perhaps it was a trauma in her life, boredom, depression- I don't know. If you don't what it is that made her suddenly decide to join the group after having been a friend to a member for years without joining it- you need to start asking. Ask what she thought of the group several years ago versus what made her decide to join. Ask tons of questions. And start reading up on cults... try steven hassan's combatting mind control or releasing the bonds book (you can get them at libraries usually or try www.freedomofmind.com). There are other cult experts out there but he comes to mind.

  My situation had a much better ending than many people's here- a fact I am deeply grateful for. But between you, me and the internet lampost- I always have a foot out the door in some ways- as I know if he seriously goes back to the group again, I won't be able to endure that hell a second time around.
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  freelife

  The old saying that oil and water don't mix applies well here. As a person who very recently got out of the JWs i can tell you of quite a few people who were a mixed couple religously. there was always a constant conflict as to how things would go as far as their childern were concerned. I don't know if you both are wanting kids or notw would you feel about them being raised as a jw? How will you react when they are being constantly riddiculed for not participating in b-days, Christmas, Halloween, Valentines day, the pledge, or dating other young people. It is a very hard life on a young one. I hope that you really think this whole thing thru seriously before you make this commitment. And not to sound like a jerk but, if you decide that you can't live with the situation if she is a stick to it witness she will not give you a way out unless you commit adultry. Like i said i don't want to sond like a jerk but this is somthing to seriously consider. What ever you do be true to yourself and don't do things just for her. Best wishes to you in your decisions.
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  Dayshdeess

  Well after a lot of soul searching, the loss of a family member and my loyal dog passing away today, then I believe it's time to give it a go.

  I popped the question yesterday and she accepted, I appreciate all your opinions that you have posted and have read a lot of the similar threads, I can see a lot of complications in the future but were only here for a short period of time, so Im going to make the most of it.

  Life's too short for me to worry, even though I do over the slightest thing's.

  The last week in January a break has been booked to Las Vegas, which in itself will be great, however I may even consider arranging a marriage for us there and do a helicopter wedding on the canyon floor. As she can't marry in a church, her family wont attend and although my family want me to have a church wedding, understand that if and when I do marry her it wont be in a church.

  Time to see the new year in now and celebrate the start of what I truly hope will be a long and happy life together.

  I will most definetley be back to ask further questions, so for the moment take care everyone and a happy new year.
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  detective

  Thanks for the update, best of luck to you and much happiness in your marriage.