We all want to kill our husbands. It's only natural. So, as a measure of my Christian love for my soon-to-be-single-and-wealthy sisters, I'd like to offer forward a few suggestions.
1) Snap his neck. The trick is to have a hot young girl in a pink thong bikini by the side of the road. Drive at least 75 miles an hour to ensure the proper force is applied. Cover the girl in a camoflage blanket until the last possible moment, then cast it aside just as you drive past, with him in the passenger's seat. Snap. Crackle. Pop (is dead).
2) Insist on driving. He will die of apoplexy, or sheer terror, within minutes, especially if you are parallel parking in any city founded before the horseless carriage.
3) Starve him to death by denying him all access to the fridge and cutting the phone line. Unable to shop for himself, or have anything delivered, he will die of malnutrition within a matter of weeks. At the very least, scurvy will weaken his resistance to pneumonia if you also take his favorite sweatpants away.
4) Have his mother-in-law, or better yet, two elderly pioneer sisters accompany him everywhere he goes, with the idea that by spending time with him they can increase their hours. He will take his own life within days.
5) This is tricky - pick winning lottery numbers, and then lose the ticket. Run.
6) The Arts and Crafts Channel. Insist upon it!
7) Rearrange the furniture EVERY DAY. Eventually, he will get so confused he will accidentally drown himself trying to change the channels in the toilet.
