Got a visit today - they'll be back.

by Garnet 19 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Garnet

  Hi all,

  The hubby and I moved not too long ago and decided that it would be the perfect time to do our fade from the congregation...well actually, he had already made up his mind to stop going and I thought it would be the perfect time for me to stop going. Well its been some time and today we got a visit. I didn't even realize it until I had opened the door. The Elder was very pleasant as I explained it was a bad time and asked that he leave the address for the KH and I would find it myself (looking for my out ). After that failed and he had asked how long it had been, I had quickly explained that due to my poor health, I was not able to attend regulary (which I am not) - he is going to drop by on Sunday and my hubby is planning on telling him we are "no longer interested". I think it is a bad idea, since he still has family and I still have friends in the org. I don't think we would be shunned, but I am not willing to take that chance...I am not sure what to do, any advice?

  I am also in my own belief struggle, I was Catholic before becomming a JW and now just consider myself Christian - Can anyone suggest someone to talk to that would be less bias about beleifs? My Mom (who is not a JW) suggested the Fanciscan (sp) Friars, since they are less strict than the Orthordox (?) Catholics, but I am nervous. Not sure what to believe anymore...Even when I was Catholic, I was never "strict" on my belifs, and the fathers at my church were really good about answering questions - I feel like I need some direction and know I won't get it from the Elders.

  As always, you guys are great - Thanks for listening and all replies are welcomed!

  Garnet
• 

  metatron

  It's an amazing thing, isn't it? I used to do it too.

  You automatically comply with questions asked - instead of politely 'calling them' on it.

  I told one inquiring elder that "I don't believe that inquistions or interrogations are appropriate for Christian brothers"

  After that, I claimed depression. It works better than playing their disassociation game.

  Good Luck

  metatron
• 

  gumby

  I claimed depression

  Excellent advise!

  Use any excuse you want such as your health, depression, or say 'you'll try and make it when you can", or whatever. Cancel your visit to a more appropriate time over and over untill they give up if need be.

  If you do not want to deal with the shunning issue........then say NOTHING that they can use against you. You don't OWE them anything.

  The elders of today are a bit more informed on dealing with apostates, as directives have been given on how to deal with them.......so don't take their tricky questions for granted.

  Gumby
• 

  JamesThomas

  Anthony De Mello was a Psychotherapist and Jesuit priest from India, and died in 1987. I recommend his last book "The Way to Love". You may find some guidance there. He was disowned by the Catholics by the way. I also recommend the book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. These are not religious books. They are filled with spiritual guidance however. Guidance to the Living Truth waiting within. Check them out on the web and see if there is anything there that feels warm and welcome for this time in your life. Good luck to you. j
• 

  Elsewhere

  If your hubby tells them that you are not interested (DAed), they will take it as if you said it yourself... they consider him to be your "head" after all.
• 

  DanTheMan

  Who says you have to answer the door Sunday? You don't owe these clowns the time of day. And as others have stated, if they keep pressing, telling them you have depression will take a little wind out of their zeal to sniff out suspected "wrongdoing".

  Lie, lie, lie, no fading or former JW should ever feel even the slightest pang of conscience about telling bare-faced lies to the elders.
• 

  blondie

  Garnet, you are not obligated to talk to them or give reasons/excuses for non-attendance or non-participation. Use physical illness, depression, being busy, or tell them you'll call them when you want them to come by. Call them now and cancel the "visit" using one of those explanations. Otherwise, you will be maneuvered into saying something that will make them think you want to be DA'd.

  Pearls before swine

  Blondie
• 

  William Penwell

  God those guys don't give you a break at all. The only good thing about where I am living is they have to phone me first, know my buzzer code, buzz to get me to let them in and if they get by all that, I have to physically walk out and let them into the outside door. So they pretty much leave me alone. They have tried phoning me a few times but I have call display and screen all my calls.

  Will
• 

  Maverick

  I have a lady friend who likes to go to the Spanish Hall, when she goes at all . When the duds in her Hall ask her son about her he tells them to call her and ask her what she is doing. He refuses to be their little spy! When the duds run into her she just says she was at Spanish. They never push it. She just goes once in a while to keep the heat of her boy.

  Maybe, if cornered, a fader and use an excuse like that. Sort of keep them off balance? Just a thought, Maverick
• 

  shamus

  I say don't lie, but be very hard to talk to. If your other half says that you guys are no longer interested, bye bye. You WILL BE DA'D.

  Just tell them rudely to get lost for a while. They'll get the picture. Tell them to stop pestering you, or you will call the police. Then close the door. Easy and done.