Got a visit today - they'll be back.

by Garnet 19 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Heatmiser

  Just tell them rudely to get lost for a while. They'll get the picture. Tell them to stop pestering you, or you will call the police. Then close the door. Easy and done.

  I believe that this will probably get you DA'd also.

  If you are going for the fade, you have to have as little contact with them as possible and be very gaurded on what you say them. I would go with the depression/health issue excuse.

  If you feel bad about telling a lie to these jokers, don't. They will lie to you in a heartbeat while looking you in the eye and shaking your hand.

  Heatmiser
• 

  Pathofthorns

  I think it is good to start preparing for the strong possibility that you will lose some or even many family and friends even if you are not "officially" disfellowshipped or disassociated. It is important to use the time now to do this and make new friends, since merely withdrawing association from the organization causes them to withdraw from associating with you.

  I don't really think disassociation is on their minds and there is probably no reason to be unduly paranoid over this unless you have given them reasons. They probably are just doing their "job" and following up on someone who is "weak" and depressed. But as long as you appear interested in attending if your health was better etc, you will be subjected to repeated unwanted visits and magazine deliveries.

  I think it is in your favour that you moved, so there really isn't any personal attactment to you and your husband yet and they would be more inclined to leave you alone if you wanted that. Perhaps if you told them that you and your husband are working through some personal and private matters and that you would not like any visits from them at this time while you work through these confidential matters. Let them know that you appreciate their concern and interest but that this is the way things have to be for the time being. You don't owe them any further comment or explanation on "personal and private" matters that aren't the business of people you don't even know.

  Ultimately, the charade is difficult to keep up and how it turns out often depends on things such as the local body of elders as to whether they leave you alone or pester you to death. You will also find out who really was a friend or if you really had any at all that cared for you for being you and not just because you were in the same "club" as them.

  Your belief system will change and evolve quite a bit over the next while, so I would not be too discouraged over the uncertainty you feel right now. Enjoy the time exploring all your options and growing as a person and be careful to investigate everything thoroughly so you don't make the same mistake joining another wacky group. There is no rush to go "somewhere" after leaving JW's. Take your time and enjoy things once this rocky period is over.

  Path
• 

  Yerusalyim

  Garnet,

  Good luck...I have no real advice to offer on the "fade" other than the sooner the better.

  On the issue about the Catholic Church...stay away from most web sites...because most will have an agenda...either conservative or liberal.

  Most parish priests will be very even handed about answering questions...if they push the convert class...find someone else.

  I'm always available for questions and actually fairly knowledgeable about what the church teaches. Feel free to email me at [email protected]

  Have fun with the Elder's Sunday.
• 

  Garnet

  Thank you all for your advice, it has been very helpful and much appreciated - You guys really are the greatest!

  Although my hubby doesnt care if he is Da'd, I do. I don't want to lose contact with the little friends I do have that are still in, let alone his own family. We are debating of either making ourselves "unavailable" or just telling him that we are working through personal problems at the moment, and they're just that...personal. If they can't take that for an answer (they shouldnt even need one) then I hope the door doesn't hit their rear end on the way out . Neither one of us had called for a visit, and we both know who did us the favor of asking for one.

  Thats all for now, but I will keep you all updated!

  Talk to you soon!

  Garnet
• 

  willy_think

  Garnet,

  with the wolf at your door you are sure to be shunned. eventully they will huff and puff to blow your will down.

  to stand fast of be carried off to live within the the stories they tell, can't be the only choices. after all, fairy tales are for chlidren and who is afraid of the big bad wolf.
• 

  Litebriterstill

  Garnet, I enjoyed reading all the helpful suggestions you were given. We lost all our friends when we left the borg. It's a growing process. You have more to loose when you mention family. The suggestion of personal, private issues sounds best. Walk softly away and you will draw fewer problems. We know 2 Elders that left that way.

  Who to talk to? Talk to your husband and take a big break to regroup. I was raised Catholic. I took my 25yr. old daughter who I raised a JW to the Catholic Church where she received communion. She didn't learn or feel God there. We visited a non denominational Church and she attended the youth group. Not her style either. The Unitarian talks have been the most interesting. A woman Rev. spoke on the Metophysical. The Baptist have been the most loving and helpful to eachother. We did this as part of our recovery.

  Today, no formal religon will ever encompas our lives again. We try and be good people and may (GOD) have mercy on us all. OR (deep sleep, no resurection, move onto a new plane.etc.or whatever)
• 

  mustang

  metatron: "I don't believe that inquistions or interrogations are appropriate for Christian brothers"

  I agree, as I indicated in another thread:
  “Anybody who wants to ask any individual any legalistic, political-like, “disguised as religious” question should have a visible "act of God" and a Court Order to compel any such interrogation.”

  It is the same as a conversation with a policeman: unless he says “how is the weather” or “how about those Yankees”, the rest of ANY conversation with a policeman is A CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION.

  In the same manner, eLDERS should be treated as hostile and up to no good. WTS is really a business with massive legalistic structure, disguised as a religion.

  Therefore:

  If two “brothers” show up, do as the police do: SEPARATE THEM!!! Send one of them back to the curb or the car. Only TALK TO ONE OF THEM!!!

  Tell them you are a law or paralegal student and all questions should be submitted in writing.

  All questions, written or verbal are subject to criminal/civil investigation and litigation could follow.

  Further, the individual eLDER is personally liable in any action.

  Under USC Title 42, Section 1983 (known as a “Civil Rights Law”) you can sue about anybody for any “abridgment of rights” based on the application of any law or statute. The WTS uses this; so can you.

  Ask for the name of his “Clergy Malpractice Insurance” carrier and the policy number and agent.

  Have the remaining eLDER remove his jacket and set his bookbag down at a considerable distance from where you are talking.

  A “pat search” would be preferred: check for a “wire” (recording device).

  Install security/surveillance equipment at the entrance of your house:
  CCTV (Closed Circuit TeleVision) camera & Intercom. These items are relatively cheap and available. Don’t open the door, use electronic intermediaries.

  Don’t let them see you or identify yourself. Take some steps to disguise your voice.

  If this is objected to, cite security precautions due to the rash of recent unpleasantness in your neighborhood.

  Use the law and the Devil (eLDERS) will flee from you!!!!

  Also, depression sounds like a great idea. This can last forever, especially the way the eLDERS treat it.

  It doesn’t matter if this sounds “over the top”; JW’s have been “over the top” and using “mischief framed by law” for decades. This is only playing “catch-up”. You can pick and choose from any of the above thoughts or make your own variations. Remember you are free to do as you choose.

  Disclaimer: nothing that I write or utter is to be considered legal advice. Consult proper counsel for such matters. Further, all that I write or utter, is protected by religious freedom under the 1st Amendment to the Constitution of the United States, as the "free exercise", as well as "freedom of speech" clauses.

  Mustang
• 

  Carmel

  Garnet,

  Come on over to my place Sunday. Your hubby can help me in the shop and you and my wife can catch up on HGTV re-runs. That way you won't be home when the goons arrive and will have had a good time.

  carm
• 

  kgfreeperson

  Every once in a while I try to get a sense of what it would be like to suddenly be invisible to everyone I know let alone everybody I care about. I can't even imagine it. Might as well pack up and move to another country. The courage it must take to do this! Just wanted to let you know how much I admire all of you who take this step.
• 

  Garnet

  Well here is my update...He came, he knocked...he left! I was actually too sick to even get out of bed so I didn't even care who the hell was at my door! So yes, we did the cowardly thing, and hid (or I used to say "home but hiding") What shocked me was he knocked ONCE! that was it, no college try, nothing (maybe he thinks we're hopeless ) Wish I had something more interesting to tell you all! I will keep all of your advice in mind, I am SURE he will be back with reinforcements! Plus the hubbys relative stopped by with mag's too...now we are being bombarded! Love ya'll Garnet